And now for something not at all different

Everything is better on the Street

2010-03-09T01:22:00.004-05:00

This is why everyone born in the 80s is awesome.

Not that I'm playing to my audience or anything.

Mrs. Elizabeth Crosby...

2010-03-01T00:30:00.004-05:00

This is the face of someone who's about to make history:

"And yet all I can think about is how much sex I want to have with Liz Buchanan"

I've become a rather big fan of the College Humour affiliate Sports Pickle

I would link the goal, but apparently embedding is disabled. Also, I'm assuming that everyone in Canada has now seen said goal and isn't perhaps coming here first for the latest Canadian Olympic News.

I've been drinking and here's what I think: The Fellowship of the Drink

2010-01-24T01:11:00.005-05:00

Liz (seeing coworker Tony reading LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring): Wow you've gotten through a lot of that tonight.
Tony: I've been skipping the boring parts.
Liz (bites tongue): ... uh-huh...
Tony: So yeah about 300 pages.

Thoughts on matters:

1) Conan leaving NBC is the best thing that's happened to him since he, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert beat each other up over who had given Mike Huckabee his bump in the polls.

Also this was pretty amazing:

2) Would it be possible for me to get a Doctor's note that said that it was the best thing for my health to miss work next weekend to see the Hamilton Haiti Fundraising concert that Feist is headlining?

3) Earlier this week I had to work late and got trapped in Milton in the middle of the night. Because the buses only run every two hours from the town I missed my bus and ended up taking a cab that cost me more money than I actually made that night. I hate Milton.

Still not forgiven.

4. Last week I was informed that there are Walmarts with "extra wide aisles". At the time it would not have been socially appropriate to laugh. So now I just start laughing every time I think of it.

5. I think I may have run out of things already. Also I may have run out of Keith's already. The two may be correlated.

That's all for now. Two more posts to go!

Final Four

2010-01-18T23:26:00.002-05:00

Due to lower readership and a desire to do... other things? Well for a change, anyways! Due to a desire for a change I am going to discontinue this blog. I have decided to sign off with four very typically Liz posts, and bid farewell to my web log.

The truth is that I never intended to have a blog, it just sort of came about and I didn't realize how attached I'd gotten to the idea that somewhere on the internet someone gave a crap what I thought or was doing on any given day. It turned into a bit of a journal and I'm fond of looking back on the past from time to time, but I've started to think that all of that energy might have been better spent writing something more creative and less self-indulgent. Well... more creative any ways.

Sometimes it's hardest to let go of things, not because we love them, but because we've become accustomed to them. I suppose, as the adage goes, if this loves me it will find its way back, but I some how doubt that it will.

So here it goes. 4th to last post:

"In Defence of the Last 10 Years of The Simpsons"

I was watching the 20th anniversary of The Simpsons on Fox last weekend, and one of the current writers on the show had a favourite commment of the evening:

"I think internet message boards were a lot funnier 10 years ago"

(He was only second to my favourite comment from Mike Reiss who said something to the effect of "Barbara Bush, the first lady of the United States at the time said that the Simpsons was stupidest thing she'd ever seen. Lady, have you taken a look at your son?")

My generation needs to remember that a lot people a couple of years older than us think that the series jumped the shark after the first writing staff left... that's (as a commentary junkie I know) in the middle of Cape Feare. That's right. Imagine a world without Sideshow Bob singing HMS Pinafore. A world where Homer never went to space, tried to eat a pie by opening and closing his jaw and moving towards it (only to be blocked by the oven light) where Lisa never became a vegetarian, where Mr Burns never had the Rolling Stones killed, Barney never directed, wrote and starred in the unfortunately titled Pukahontas and Sherry Bobbins didn't get swallowed by a jet engine. Had the Simpsons stopped the first people accused them of getting stale the show wouldn't have developed a number of its classic words: "cromulent", "imbiggens", "boourns", or "chowdah!"

I don't know a lot of people 5-10 years younger than myelf, but the ones I do talk to feel much the same way about seasons 12-17 or... and in time there'll be people who stand by the new episodes. Part of the reasons we love these old episodes so much is that we've seen them so many times and are so much a part of our consciousness that we can't help but love them. No new episode is going to live up to Cape Feare or Marge vs. The Monorail partly because the bulk of people I know can recite the Monorail song in their sleep. In spite of this, there are a number of episodes that I have enjoyed in the past 10 years, and frankly I thought the movie was really funny and enjoyable. Here is my list of the top 10 Simpsons episodes and lines from the past 10 years:

Top 10 Episodes since Season 11

10. Weekend at Burnsie's (season 13)
9. The Haw Hawed Couple (season 18)
8. Beyond Blunderdome (season 11)
7. E Pluribus Wiggum (season 19)
6. Jaw Wired Shut (season 13)
5. The Bart of War (season 14)
4. Tales from the Public Domain (season 13)
3. Mommie Beerest (season 16)
2. The Regina Monologues (season 15)
1. HOMR (season 12)

Top 10 Lines

10. Homer: We have a kitchen?!

9. Lisa: We were playing Four Square, and I called no double-taps, and Ralph double-taps, and I said, "You're out," and he said, (Imitating Ralph) "I can do a somersault," which has nothing to do with anything!

8. Lisa: You love Moleman! You're gay for Moleman!
Bart: No, you're gay for Moleman.
Moleman: No one's gay for Moleman.

7. I am including the entire clip but the line in question is the final one spoken by comic book guy:

Funny Videos

6. Homer: Come on Carter, you lazy bum, build us a house!
Jimmy Carter: Sir, you have offended me, I challenge you to a dual

5. Sideshow Bob: Ah the catwalk, the perfect view point... for revenge! (takes out a bag of potato chips) Ah, kettle chips, the perfect side dish... for revenge!

4. Moe: I may have just dodged a bullet here...

3.

2. Lisa: [gasps] What happened Dad? They didn't really burn her did they?

Marge: [hastily grabs the Book from Homer] Of course not, Honey. "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc. They got married and lived in a space ship. The End."[ Tears out the page and begins eating it] Well, it's easier to swallow than that Bambi video.

1. And tied for first:

Homer: Is there no room in the world for the man with the 105 IQ?!!

Lisa: ... as intelligence increases happiness decreases. See? I made a graph. I make a lot of graphs.

And my last list of the night...

Top 3 Reasons that The Simpsons might not be as completely awesome as they were 10 years ago that are completely excusable and/or totally beyond the control of Matt Groening/Fox and the entire writing staff

4. "I Feel Like I've Been Wearing This Same Red Dress Forever"

Many years ago the decision was made to keep the Simpsons the same age forever and ever. While undoubtedly the right call, it has led to some problems over the years. Mainly: time line and consistency. While Matt Groening calls it "elastic band reality" the band has gotten REALLY stretched out over time. The reality of the show is hindered by its own rules. To extend the metaphor, they've stretched and stretched the band, and now it's gotten too loose to return to its original form. Any sense of reality we once had with the show has been stretched too far. It's seems quaint to think that an episode might end with Maggie saying "Da-da" or that Bart might actually fail and be held back a grade... more so?

It's not that they made the wrong choice in not aging them, or in having certain ongoing gags, or stepping outside of reality. It's what makes the show work, but also what makes it difficult to sustain after 20 years. Seriously, how does Homer still have a job?...

3. Selective Memory of Childhood

Do you remember how awesome the 90s were and how much better everything was? Kids back then didn't talk back to their parents or listen to terrible music. Oh wait, we just kind of blocked that stuff out of our minds because WE WERE KIDS THEN. People idealize their childhoods/adolescence as some sort of golden age. The truth is that we probably loved the Simspons a lot more back in the mid 90s because that's when we had endless hours to sit and flip through Simpsons episode on TV from 5:00pm (on CBC) to about 7:30 (on OMNI). Much the same way Star Wars will never be as good as it once was and surely no XBox 360 game will ever top Super Mario Brothers 3 or Golden Eye, The Simpsons will surely never be as great as our love of our childhood.

Now ask us if Season 5 of the Simpsons was better than Batman the Animated Series. You see, now we have reached an impasse.

2. The Simpsons Already Did It

South Park hit the nail on the head with this one. Thing is, they said it SEVEN years ago. The Simpsons have already done everything simply by virtue of being on the air for as long as they have. Now I don't always agree with their choices... "hey let's have ANOTHER retro story about Marge and Homer, and this time it can be in the 90s"... sigh... but stuff like having Lisa get a job on the Krusty the Clown show only to become more popular than him... it was bound to happen. How many different plots are there? And here's the thing, they are competing with shows like South Park who produce all of 14 episodes a season. Sure South Park is always doing new things, they only make 14 a year. Now I'm not saying that it's easy, and in fact it might be a wiser choice, but it's a choice afforded to you when you are on Comedy Central.
As far as other animated shows on Fox go, not to name any names (wouldn't want to offend the manatees), but when you don't actually worry about having a plot to your episode and still manage to be repetitive... well frankly I don't think the Simpsons are doing all that badly.

1. Firecrackers: The Silent Killer

When people complain about season 10 on, they don't always talk about over one very important factor: these are 11 seasons without Lionel Hutz or Troy Maclure. I think that their absence has cost the show greatly, and left a void that Disco Stu, Gil and the "YEEEESSS" guy would never be able to fill. In grade 9 my fellow high school drama nerds and I observed a moment of silence for Hartman's passing, but back then I'm not sure that I truly realized what loss it would be for the comedy world.

Also of note in this discussion. On the 20th Anniversary Special Conan O'Brien was interviewed and said that his ideal job would just to get paid to sit around all day, drinking wine and thinking of things for Mr. Burns and Smithers to say.

Given current events I'd say that the pieces are falling in to place for a Season 22.

Stay tuned for my last three posts: I've Been Drinking and Here's What I think: The Fellowship of the Drink, List Maker, and The End...

N is for every song in the "Nineties"

2010-01-04T21:18:00.002-05:00

"What POSSIBLE reason could you have for being here?"

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Also... after many youtube searches, I finally found a favourite Sesame Street moment:

I fell off the couch laughing the first time I saw this.

Happy 2010!

2010-01-01T17:32:00.003-05:00

Sorry I fell behind after a rather busy couple of days surrounding New Years.

I lieu of my new post let me just apologize for not working in some kind of honourable mention or awarding to:

Garden State (and by extension)
The Shins
Greenday (specifically American Idiot)
The Decemberists
or The Colbert Report

Sometimes when one makes these lists they just can't quite cram everything in to their heads.

I think rather than do the full 9 things from the Cracked article I'll just come back with Video Games, Books (the conspicuously absent category) and Pictures... tomorrow? It's hard to say.

See this is the great thing about only sort of having an audience, I only sort of have to keep up my writing.

Top 5 Everythings for the Decade

2009-12-29T15:29:00.012-05:00

My "friends" over at Cracked (really for how often I link them they ought to be sending me Christmas cards) wrote an article The Top 5 Everything of the Decade (for better or worse) that I am (naturally) going to copy. As there is only one member of my writing staff I'm just going to use my multiple personalities to pick five things in each category.

Personality A= Artistic, occasionally snobbish, concerned with aesthetic appeal and how clever the pick makes me look
Personality B= Concerned with the wider implications, political significance and cultural impact
Personality C= Comedic hack, only that which is funny is worth seeing, mind of a 12 year old
Personality D= Party on! That was so much fun! Seriously, who needs to be 12 when I can do/watch/listen to THIS?
Personality E= Concerned with that which warms my heart, the "Blue" aspect of my "True Colours" and the F in my "ENFP" Myers-Briggs

I'll start today with #9-7

#9 Top Movies

A (Artist) sigh... I can't believe I'm resorting to this already...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) & Lost in Translation (2003)

Look give the Artistic side of me a break in this category. Where else (apart from music) will it get to show off its goddamned cleverness? Also I actually bought these movies as a set when I got them on DVD so... yeah. Look they're both really awesome films and probably two of the best in the past 10 years. I have a whole list of other choices meant to nourish my inner film geek (Amelie, Mulhullond Drive, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Departed, The Dark Knight, Stranger than Fiction... this is really a list in and of itself... I'll get back to you) but these two stand out because frankly I've yet to read a top 10, 5, 2 list that didn't include them on it somewhere, and really can't think of anyone I've spoken to or showed them to that didn't like them. I truly felt as though the characters were very real and that somewhere outside of the film their story goes on... we just got the boring bits cut out.

B (Philosopher)

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

And I will defend it as such:

Trey Parker and Matt Stone said it best in a Rolling Stone interview when they were asked Team America: World Police would have any effect on the 2004 Election. To paraphrase: "Anyone who changes their vote because of Team America is an idiot. And anyone who changes their vote because of Fahrenheit 9/11 is an idiot. These are movies, they shouldn't change who you think should be president"

And they didn't. I don't care what anyone says, nobody voted for John Kerry because of Michael Moore and no one voted for George Bush because they thought he was a dick (as opposed to a pussy or an asshole that is). Bowling for Columbine: ditto. Yes they were movies that caused controversy and uproar, but neither really changed the way anyone felt about anything.

One could also make an argument on behalf of An Inconvenient Truth for its impact on the environmentalist movement in the 00s, but as the above Cracked article points out so brilliantly it simply made it fashionable to care about the planet in a totally non-committal, inactive sort of way. See the recent mess that was (and will continue to be) Copenhagen.

Since 2006 there has been a 4% increase in America's view of the morality of Homosexuality and in nearly every other category reflecting homophobia and with the issue of same sex marriage there is a noticeable bump from 05-06 to 07-08. Now I'm not saying that Dick Cheney's powerful "I'm staying out of this" or Barack Obama's dodging the subject nearly all together didn't influence this... OK actually yes I am. I mean unless every gay man saved Homer Simpson with a robotic Santa from December 2005-December 2006, I'm going to go ahead and make the leap that having a movie that maturely portrayed the complex and tragic love story of two gay men probably had an impact on the overall culture and it's open-mindedness.

Huh- at the last minute my Philosophical side has changed its mind and thinks that actually Crash did more to promote open mindedness and in fact deserves this spot.

Did not see that coming.

C (Comedian)

Idiocracy (2006)

This almost went in the previous category, because in many ways it is about a wider social and political issue: anti-intellectualism and the dumbing down of America through reality TV, technology, and a general apathy by the public towards the arts, language, science and meaningful political discourse. Although personally I'd like to see Starbucks take the direction it does in the film. I wouldn't really miss the coffee to be honest.

D (Partier)

Kill Bill Vol. 1&2 (2003&2004)

Sometimes movies are brilliantly acted and written, some are visually spectacular and then there are movies that are just damn fun. Though I prefer the first both Kill Bill 1&2 are hours of pure entertainment for every woman who's ever wanted to pick up a samurai sword and kick some serious ass. I will never forget sitting in the theatre where about a half an hour into the first movie a couple in front of us got up and left. I turned to my boyfriend at the time and whispered "Well I would expect better from Quentin Tarantino!"

PS: I've been using this quote for so long, I have forgotten the Simpsons quote I stole it from. Anyone who can tell me: 3 gajillion Liz Points.

E (Romantic)

Little Miss Sunshine (2007)

This had some stiff competition in Wall-E, Juno and Once but ultimately wins out because it really taps into my greatest insecurities and makes me feel all together OK about them. High school... life it's all one big beauty pageant. In a world that only seems to get more superficial as the new millennium proceeds. But if you can find what makes you happy, and share that with the people that you love... what the hell difference does it make if you're Miss America or a Super Freak.

I'll take that with two scoops of ice cream.

#8 Top Songs

A (Artist)

Maps, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fever to Tell 2003

This was definitely a close call to the end. Again, being an artistic category, my artist feels the need to make honourable mentions to The White Stripes for Hotel Yorba, Feist for I Feel it All, Iron and Wine for The Trapeze Swinger and The Arcade Fire for Wake Up. Maps rises above for being the best of everything the early to mid 2000s had to offer in a sort of musical renaissance. Sure the Strokes, White Stripes and Hives were all kicking off the decade with a bang, but it's when Fever to Tell hits that there is finally a wider realization that rock is in fact not at all dead and our generation still gets a crack at it. We may not have managed to surpass the late 60s/early 70s, but I think we gave a valiant effort... and a WAY more valiant effort than the losers who were in charge of music coolness in the late 90s. I mean WTF. Really.

Incidentally the YouTube music video for Maps has been watched over 5 millions times. You probably don't want me to put that into perspective... but here it is anyways:

That's only a million more than "Keyboard Cat".
It has been seen 3 million less times than "Leave Britney Alone"
About a fifth as much as "Chocolate Rain".

B (Philosopher)

Not Ready to Make Nice, The Dixie Chicks, Taking the Long Way (2006)

Apart from winning the Grammy for record, album, and song of the year four years after it was anticipated that the Dixie Chicks may never record another album, there's no avoiding the controversy that the Chicks caused. For those who were hiding under a rock in 2003 Natalie Maines said something to the effect of "I hate America and the troops. Things would be so much better if we let the terrorists win and were friends with Saddam Houssein" ... oh I'm sorry my mistake. She said that she was ashamed that the President was from Texas. You know because he's an idiot. Well in 2003 calling Bush shameful was the equivalent of declaring a jihad. Now I bet you could get Bill O'Reilly to admit that Bush wasn't really the sharpest pencil in the box (and have Sting play him off calmly!). But back then it meant war, and also marked the second time that a high profile person was threatened with assassination in Dallas, and the first time the Dallas police did anything about it.

Either way, the Chick's comeback was a great vindication for everyone that had stayed with them the whole way that the political tides were finally turning. You know after no WMDs were found, Abu Gharib prison, Hurricane Katrina and Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face, the American public finally decided that it was OK to not 100% agree with their elected officials. And they all lived happily ever after, the end.

C (Comedian)

The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room, Flight of the Conchords, Flight of the Conchords (2008)

The Flight of the Conchords may not have a wider social or even musical message, but I don't know a lot of people who don't own the Season 1 DVD. I could have picked Robots or Bowie, or even Mutha'uckas , but being me I had to go with my favourite lyrics:

Cause you're so beautiful...
Like a tree. Or a high class prostitute.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job.
A part time model.
Spend part of your time modeling.
And part of your time next to me.

My place is usually a bit tidier than this.

D (Partier)

Hey-ya, Outkast, SpeakerBoxxx/The Love Below

Being a partying category this one also had some competition from Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, Mr. Brightside by The Killers, Last Nite by The Strokes and Viva la Vida by Coldplay (not necissarily a partying song, but a good time none the less)

E (Romantic)

I Will Follow You Into The Dark, Death Cab for Cutie, Plans (2005)

I think this is fairly self-explanatory.

#7 TV Show of the Decade

A (Artistic)

The Office (UK)

Two important points. Yes the UK version because without it there is no US version and even before the US version aired the effects of the original were beginning to be felt. Sure Steve Carrell and Greg Daniels should probably be sending Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais annual thank you notes, but frankly Larry David, Michael Hurwitz, Bill Lawrence and Tina Fey should probably at least think about a Facebook poke. And even if you want to argue that the only definite result of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's brilliance is The UK and US Office and Extras, you would still be naming 3 of the top 5 Comedies of the last 10 years.

B (Philosophical)

Now for our second total cop-out tie: "The Daily Show" & "Chapelle's Show"

I just couldn't do it. I would love to give Jon the win, but I can't. And let me show you why:

Chapelle's Show pushed our generation past the politically correct "tolerance" we'd been raised with to a new and frank place where it was OK to acknowledge that yes, racism exists and pretty fervently, and that we have to face it in real ways that might not always make us feel as warm and fuzzy as a Family Matters episode. Four years later America has its first African American president, something that seemed, in the darkest hours of the Bush years a long way off. That said the show will most likely always be remembered for Rick James' pathological hatred of Charlie Murphy and Wayne Brady making OJ Simpson look like Martin Luther King Jr.

Oh also this guy kind of stirred up some shit:

C (Comedian)

Arrested Development(2003)

This time I'm giving the hack comedian in me some honourable mentions because let's face it, there's very little TV I like to watch that isn't funny. Arrested Development doesn't really require defending the way Clone High or Spaced might, because there's pretty much a consensus on the internet that the show did no wrong, and will do no wrong as a movie. I would also like to submit South Park. Though also a candidate for the above category often South Park is at its best when it isn't about a major social issue and is about the boys playing LOTR or Cartman dressing up as a robot pal for Butters.

As for Arrested Development, I like to think that Never Nudes have forever replaced Ugly Naked Guy in TVdome.

D (Partier)

Firefly (2003)

Althogh I admired BSG a great deal it was never really as much fun as Firefly. Whedon is the writer/director that many emulate, but I don't think anyone ever really nails his great use of comedy in totally unfunny situations. I loved the energy and the characters are the sort that one hopes will kick some serious ass.

E (Romantic)

"Scrubs" (2001)

What can I say? If this isn't love I don't know what is:

OK, that's all I can manage for today. See you tomorrow for: Internet Video, Word (phrase) and Video Game

Merry Christmas and careful of the icy patch!

2009-12-24T14:16:00.001-05:00

Movies, Hockey and Happiness

2009-12-23T22:23:00.004-05:00

T'was the night before the night before Christmas and all through my blog, I was ripping off College Humour and drinking egg nog.

Also the Penguins beat the Senators 8-2! Here's a picture of Sidney Crosby throwing an awesome body check*. Toronto lost tonight, but the Pen's victory balances that out. For those not familiar with my Hockey Happiness Rankings:

Hockey Happiness

10 being the best, 0 being the worst

10= Leafs win Stanley cup
9.5= My second favourite team wins the Stanley Cup (ie: '97 Red Wings, '09 Penguins)
9.0= Leafs go to Final Four
8.5= The Leafs beat the Senators, Flyers or Rangers
8.0= Leafs win a play off series
7.5= The Leafs win a hockey game
7.0= The Penguins beat the Senators, Flyers or the Rangers
6.5= Leafs catch-up and tie a game
6.0= Any team beats the Senators
5.5= Tie Domi injures a jerk player (Scott Neidermeyer, Ulf Samuelson)
5.0= Leafs lose in shoot-out to Penguins (unless significant lead blown)
4.5= Leafs lose a game
4.0= Senators, Flyers or Rangers win a game
3.5= Cliff Fletcher is the Leaf's GM
3.0= Hamilton is denied an NHL hockey franchise
2.5= The Senators, Flyers or Rangers win a playoff series
2.0= Kerry Fraser fails to see a freaking obvious high stick
1.5= The Flyers or Rangers beat Toronto in the Playoffs**
1.0= Sean Avery is traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs
0.5= The Leafs lose game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals
0= The Ottawa Senators win the Stanley Cup

To put the list into perspective these are other life events relative to hockey:

Graduation= 7.5
Getting married= 9.0
Getting Fired= 2.5
Getting Divorced= 1.5
Being diagnosed with a terminal illness= 1.0

*Picture may or may have been taken during game or reflect specific hockey related skill
**It has been scientifically proven that it is a mathematical impossibility for the Ottawa Senators to beat the Toronto Maple Leafs in the NHL Playoffs

Having my cake and eating it too

2009-12-08T23:31:00.004-05:00

6 degrees this:

Red Fraggle would definitely have been able to find the land of the Blue Dragon again if she'd had a Weighted Companion Cube.

The same woman that puppeteered and gave voice to Red Fraggle, now works for Valve, where she did animation for Left4Dead, and did testing for one of my all time favourite games, Portal. How cool is that?!

College Humor: Tetris God

2009-12-08T21:04:00.003-05:00

Can YOU think of a better explanation?

(watch it here for proper full screen effect)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

New Jersey?!

2009-12-02T01:18:00.004-05:00

A must read:

118 Days, 12 Hours, 54 Minutes

Also watch Maziar Bahari on The Daily Show here

They don't call them delinquents after that long...

2009-11-15T15:21:00.001-05:00

... they call them criminals.

From: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, cp.org, Updated: November 15, 2009 11:28 AM

PHOENIX - A high school librarian in Phoenix says a former student at the Arizona school returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago along with a $1,000 money order to cover the fines.

Camelback High School librarian Georgette Bordine says the two Audubon Society books checked out in 1959 and the money order were sent by someone who wanted to remain anonymous.

Bordine says the letter explained that the borrower's family moved to another state and the books were mistakenly packed.

The letter said the money order was to cover fines of 2 cents per day for each book. That would total about $745. The letter says the extra money was added in case the rates had changed.

Bordine says the money will buy more books, and the overdue books will be returned to the shelves.

Also...

2009-11-10T11:36:00.001-05:00

This post is brought to you by the letter B!

2009-11-09T18:10:00.003-05:00

Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street!

Rubber Ducky, you're the one.
You make bath time lots of fun
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.
Rubber Ducky, joys of joys
When I squeak you, you make noise
Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend, it's true!

Everyday when I make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who' cute, yellow, and chubby.
(rub-a-dub-a-dubby)

Rubber Ducky you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you.

Everyday when I make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's cute, yellow, and chubby.
(rub-a-dub-a-dubby)

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine
And I'm glad that you're mine
Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of...
Rubber Ducky I'd like a whole pond of . . .
Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of you.

Cartman in all his glory...

2009-11-04T19:54:00.003-05:00

Better. Than. The. Original.

Happy Birthday John Cleese

2009-10-27T12:18:00.002-05:00

I saw him live, and from where I was sitting I could see him getting ready backstage, so as far as I'm concerned we're like best friends...

I Might Watch Too Much TV

2009-10-14T14:31:00.004-05:00

I am very excited, I have been offered a new job (in addition to my current jobs) at work. I am now going to be the Assistant Respite Camp Coordinator!

Karen (my boss): Assistant TO the Respite Camp Coordinator.

My Muppets

2009-10-13T15:05:00.007-05:00

I am having the single greatest experience of my life. I am listening to a DVD commentary for one of the Scrubs episodes from Season 8. Bill Lawrence stopped talking about Scrubs and has spent about the last 10 minutes just talking about the Muppets.

I'm going to miss Scrubs.

and an old classic:

America the Beautiful

2009-10-08T11:34:00.010-05:00

Here we are! The long awaited* pictures from my family's road trip to Virginia:

On the first night of our drive we ate dinner at the Olive Garden. Scott and I insisted because we hadn't eaten at the Olive Garden in like forever. It's like dining in the backyard of a delightful Italian stereotype.

My other exciting nerd-core moment on the way down was a stop in Pennsylvania to Breezewood to rescue my newest gnome. Meet Syd-gnome Crosby!

Also pictured: the Appalachian Mountains.

Whilst driving along the Blue Ridge Mountains we saw several deer. I would also show the video of the bear we saw, but unfortunately most of the video is disrupted by my brother and I making fun of our Mother for shouting "It's a bear! A bear!" as she JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR!

We were heading down for my Grandfather's 90th Birthday. And no don't get too excited- that doesn't mean I have good genes.

Here my cousin Doug plants one on my Grandma:

And finally my parents:

And on that note: Happy Birthday Mom!!

*Not entirely certain anyone was awaiting these... but I like to think you all were.

Speaking of things that go together really well...

2009-09-19T11:20:00.002-05:00

This is so COOL!

Scott: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

What the Frak?

2009-09-17T10:23:00.004-05:00

Spoiler alert: If you haven't finished Battlestar Galactica, I must warn you, you will find out who the last member of the final five is in this video*.

Humans don't stand a chance man.

*Probably not true. I haven't gotten through season 4 yet, but being clever I already know who it is going to be.

PS: I have now finished the series. And no Keyboard cat was not the final cylon to be revealed... which is frankly too bad...

Classy Lit

2009-09-11T11:16:00.005-05:00

Anyone who knows me and knows Fail Blog probably knows how well we get along. This made me laugh really hard because I definitely had a University prof who taught Classic Literature at UofA:

Knowing him, he is almost definitely responsible for this.

I consult this list before every move. Hence living in Sudbury and Hamilton most of my life.

2009-08-26T19:32:00.002-05:00

Woo hoo! Take that everywhere except Victoria, Ottawa and Kingston!

Wow really? Kingston? Huh.

Canada's Best Places to Live

1. Victoria, B.C.
2. Ottawa- Gatineau, Ont./Que.
3. Kingston, Ont.
4. Burlington, Ont.
5. Vancouver, B.C.
6. Moncton, N.B.
7. Fredericton, N.B.
8. Winnipeg, Man.
9. Peterborough, Ont.
10. Brandon, Man.
11. London, Ont.
12. Canmore, Alta.
13. Lévis, Que.
14. Halifax, N.S.
15. Guelph, Ont.
16. North Bay, Ont.
17. Woodstock, Ont.
18. Edmonton, Alta.
19. Leamington, Ont.
20. Waterloo, Ont.

New Apartment!

2009-08-12T11:33:00.006-05:00

Hey all!

I am moving... again... (I know). Still this is by far the nicest apartment I've ever had my credit approved for! As of Sunday August 16th I will be a resident of the City of Burlington. I will share some pictures:

Above: view of Lake Ontario from Balcony. Industrial Park not included!

The living room (soon to have a new TV and entertainment centre)... I just stopped this post to close my browser so that my "Language Settings" change would take effect. I will not have Chrome underline "centre" or "theatre" again! Damn yanks...

The Kitchen

My bedroom!

Stay tuned for apartment-warming party (80% sure on August 30th) and pictures with furniture.

I've been thinking and here's what I drink!

2009-07-31T21:32:00.004-05:00

Is it wrong that my favourite part of the video comes at 2:36? Probably. But no more than it is wrong that I'm angry at Chrome for trying to correct my spelling of "favourite". Take that damn yankees!

Busted T

2009-07-27T12:29:00.003-05:00

My first ever semi-professional T-Shirt design is complete! These are my brand-new staff T-Shirts for ErinOak Kids Respite Camp!

Yes the childish looking doodles are intentional.

Full band. Full awesome.

2009-07-12T16:39:00.003-05:00

Speaking of going to see concerts for free:

All Points West

2009-07-10T22:53:00.002-05:00

Don't mind the shameless advertising. I'm just trying to get free tickets.

This blog doesn't have enough artistic integrity to sell out.

Could this be the end of big sun glasses being cool?

2009-07-08T11:40:00.003-05:00

Borrowed from CollegeHumor:

SIZE OF YOUR SUNGLASSES

Blue = Age
Green = Perceived beauty
Red = Actual beauty
Pink = Chances you're hiding a black eye
Purple = How much of an a**hole you are
Orange = Chances your name is Bozo

Better late than never

2009-07-05T22:53:00.001-05:00

Actually it seems a little appropriate that this would be a day late...

Don't Blink!

2009-07-05T00:31:00.002-05:00

This is borderline embarrassing. The commercial that I was in for Tourism Hamilton is up online. You will have to be really fast on this one. When the sing finished "let it shine..." I will briefly appear at the right hand side of your screen. You can't really make out my face, and I'm not entirely convinced that isn't deliberate. Either way if you want to see my 15 milliseconds of Hamiltonian fame head on over to Tourism Hamilton.

And no I don't know what that song has to do with Hamilton tourism.

Dance your cares away...

2009-07-04T11:20:00.004-05:00

Speaking of unbridled joy. My parents cleaned out the attic yesterday, and guess what they found?!

.....

.............

..........................

Fraggle Rock!

Scott: You want to write some more of our script?
Me: Sure, just let me run up stairs. I'm going to go take a picture of my Fraggles to put up on my blog.
Scott:... you probably should have just ended that at "just let me run upstairs".

Dr. Horrible to Host the Emmy Awards!

2009-07-02T22:55:00.002-05:00

Sweet.

Neil Patrick Harris is going to host the Emmy Awards this year!

245 Characters. Take that Twitter!

2009-06-30T23:51:00.007-05:00

What do I have in common with the song Paranoid Android? We're both on an OK computer! Apparently my many snide remarks at last night's Jays game (sponsored by Dell) about how I just wanted my computer back worked. I arrived home to find my computer repaired and ready to go :)

Also happy Canada Day!

Talking to Americans!

2009-06-24T10:42:00.006-05:00

Hey everyone watch last night's Daily Show and watch clip #2. I'm sorry I can't figure out how to embed it. Sersiouly though, Jason Jones in Iran is totally awesome- 5:10 made my night.

************

06/26/09

In last night's episode Jason Jones finshed up his report reflecting on his time in Iran and the current situation there now. He came on briefly to speak with Jon and show his support for the protesters by wearing a green arm band and giving the peace sign.

This week's reports from Iran and watching a recent special on the CBC Sunday Report on Iran and its people has made watching the events of this past week and a bit very difficult. These people being killed and arrested are around my age and are standing up for rights and freedoms that are a given here in Canada. My thoughts are with the Iranian protesters.

Nolite to bastardes carborundorum

FTL

2009-06-23T00:38:00.000-05:00

It's been a few days since I was on Fail Blog. Apparently this is what I missed:

Epic

360

2009-06-22T21:14:00.003-05:00

Scott, I know you're reading this. Before I move away you want to buy an X-Box 360. So says the Hypnotoad:

All glory to the hypnotoad!

A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Forever

2009-06-12T22:46:00.002-05:00

Way to go Pittsburg!

I'll Marry You and Live in Your Matthew McConaughyless Star Trek House!

2009-06-10T01:02:00.002-05:00

The Coolest House in the Neighborhood (And Maybe the Galaxy) -- powered by Cracked.com

Sometimes I think maybe I was supposed to be a boy.

World of Star War Craft

2009-06-01T23:33:00.005-05:00

Hockey and video games... what can I say? I just give my audience what they want. Seriously though. Check this shit out:

Welcome to the MMORPG that will ruin my life.

Hat Trick

2009-05-31T14:11:00.002-05:00

Knowing what huge hockey fans you all are, I thought I would post a fantastic video of wonderness to highlight why I so love the Penguins:

"Zezel wins the face off..."

2009-05-27T19:06:00.003-05:00

I would like to use my blog to do a quick tribute to a great Toronto Maple Leaf, Peter Zezel. When people think of the 1993-94 Leafs they think of Doug Gilmour or Felix Potvin. But when it was time for me to get a jersey I made sure mine said #25 Peter Zezel. He played centre on the Leaf's checking line and won many critical face-offs for the team. He passed away yesterday after years of struggling with hemolytic anemia. He was 44 years old.

I didn't actually scan this, but it is the same hockey card I have from my small collection:

Today's Playlist

2009-05-21T16:51:00.002-05:00

Because anyone cares :P

My Playlist at the moment, because I think it's swell.

It Ain't Me Babe- Bob Dylan
Oscar Wilde- Company of Thieves
Guest Room- The National
For Emma, Forever Ago- Bon Iver
Gimme Sympathy- Metric
I'm Your Man- Leonard Cohen
Don't Get Down- Hayden
Working on a Dream- Bruce Springsteen
Radio Kaliningrad- The Handsome Furs
In the Morning- Razorlight (damn you CollegeHumor! So addicted...)
Start a War- The National
Waiting on an Angel- Ben Harper
The Hazard of Love 4- The Decemberists
Maps- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Stuck Between Stations (live)- The Hold Steady

Debating the purchase of the new Green Day CD... but then I think of everything that I got up there for free... does GREEN DAY really need my money?!

Down with Fraggle Rock

2009-05-18T01:48:00.003-05:00

Award for favourite words ever spoken by a puppet may well go to Boober Fraggle of Fraggle Rock. Granted you have to have some familiarity with the show to appreciate this.

Season 2, Episode: Red's Club

Mokey: The first rule of our club will be to help one another!

Red: Don’t we always do that?

Boober: A helping club would be perfect for those of us in constant need.

By the way, as I write this awesome post I am watching the Monty Python sketch "Biggles Dictates a Letter".

Can you think of a better reason to be awake at 2:45?

Layers of Geekiness

2009-05-12T18:52:00.004-05:00

Bonus Points if you get the obscure reference at 1:29.

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

By Bonus Points of course I mean Sadness Points.

The Hammer

2009-05-06T00:54:00.007-05:00

So yesterday, while out to coffee with a friend, we were asked to be in a commercial for Tourism Hamilton. Apparently you can see me quite a bit in the ad while I eat my California Salad at Williams on the waterfront.

I think it's good that they are shooting some new promotional stuff for tourism in Hamilton. The following are 3 actual photographs from the Hamilton Waterfront tourism webiste:

"Wow honey, let's go there for our honeymoon!"

Words spoken only by someone who has lived their entire life in Pittsburg, Buffalo or Sudbury.

Seriously though, the city IS NOT THAT UGLY... everywhere. And where else are you going to find a city spilt in half by a mountain? ("St. Cath-what? No no... you're mistaken, there's nothing any further down the QEW!") Also Hamilton is soon to be the site of Ontario's third NHL franchise. And the way the Leafs and Sens are playing right now it's soon to be Ontario's best NHL franchise. Also there is a championship Football team... The Sir Allan McNab Lions who won the HWIAC Zone Championship*! And let's not forget the McMaster Mauraders Basketball team, that I'm told was pretty good a few years ago.

*Defeated at SOSSA by the Lakeshore Catholic Gators of *cough* *hack* Port Colborne.

Did you know that one of Hamilton's sister cities is Flint Michigan*?! And that it shares a lot in common with another famous American city: Springfield (the one on the Simpsons!) in that Hamilton is Canada's Fattest City.

*As seen in Roger and Me!

All this city needs is a little rebranding. Personally I suggest we start with a mascot:

Also I suggest we take down all of the road signs on the 403/QEW indicating how to get to Toronto and Niagara Falls. If they can't find it, they'll have no choice but spend some time in our quality city enjoying some of the many attractions... like... uhhh... look over here at the Hamilton Airport Inn!

I don't care what anyone says, dig has one "g"

2009-05-01T14:15:00.004-05:00

Hey guys, check out my cartoons at College Humour. There are a few new ones and an edit to an old one. So check out my new Critical Thinking Attitude and the new hair on the character "disinterested male friend".

By the way, other characters names include:

Attractive Guy in Psych Class
Irritated Co-worker
Perplexed Boss
Lucky jerk brother
Shorter female whose luck is indifferent
High school friend who followed the facebook link to my article (yes it's really you!)
High school acquaintance who was bored and thought the link was to a Hardly Working video

The main character's name of course is: Girl who lacks life skills

My Accountabil-a-buddy

2009-04-30T02:02:00.002-05:00

Don't even mind if people have stopped reading. I will continue this for my own darn amusement.

Critical Thinking Attitude #4: Accountability

501

2009-04-22T21:23:00.004-05:00

Hey without realizing it I reached 500 posts on Monday!

This calls for a celebration.

In other news, thanks for everyone for the support with the poem. I made the Articles page at College Humour anyways. I also have 10 comments (at the moment), 7 of which make sense and are mostly related to my article. A lower percentage are positive ;)

And now for more Critical Thinking Skills for Nursing!

Critical thinking attitude #1 Confidence

At least something good came out of Nursing 100

2009-04-20T14:01:00.003-05:00

While I'm on the subject of College Humour, I submitted my poem "Ode to the Most Correct Response" for the site. You can LIKE it and DIGG it at College Humour.

If everyone here LIKES it that will be 3/100 people who need to like it to get it possibly moved to the front page, granting me instant internet celebrity status... and hopefully someone shouting HOOOH! after I say funny things.

Punned It

2009-04-16T20:12:00.004-05:00

There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Also I now have a Celebrity crush* on Jake Hurwitz, the writer/performer for College Humour and Busted Tees model of my dreams:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

* Technically since the College Humour Show is on MTV, it is officially a legit celebrity crush... as opposed to blog-stalking.

Welease Bwian!

2009-04-10T23:33:00.004-05:00

It's bad enough the council at Nicaea excluded texts about Mary Magdalene, but I really feel that their greatest mistake was leaving Biggus Dickus out of the story all together.

Have a Happy Easter everyone, and always look on the bright side of life!

An Embedded Link to the Past

2009-04-09T13:56:00.005-05:00

A little over a year ago IGN put up a fake Legend of Zelda trailer on their website to dupe people into believing that a movie was coming.

This is what I don't understand. Never mind that this is by far the most elaborate April fool's joke any website has ever pulled... but it took so much work, and they have so much of this already shot... why not just make the movie? I mean seriously watch this thing:

Can't Sleep... Clown'll Eat Me...

2009-04-07T02:40:00.003-05:00

I am wide awake at 2:45AM. Why you might ask?

Can anyone think of a way to link Neve Campbell to Minnie Driver in less than 3 degrees?

No using imdb!

Also... don't get confused like I did. Minnie Driver was not in a movie with Jeff Goldblum:

That I know of anyways...

"When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools"

2009-04-01T19:23:00.004-05:00

While the Season II South Park Terrance and Phillip episode is still my all-time favourite April Fools joke, this ranks as my #1 "awww rats, that would have been awesome!" joke: Interactive Portal T-Shirt.

Pictured above: The highly addictive game that broke my computer

"You're the Birthday boy or girl"

2009-03-31T11:02:00.005-05:00

There's no getting around it. Being born on this day is totally sweet. Don't believe me?

People born on March 31st:

Rene Descartes (was thought of on this day)

Gordie Howe (The man scored 801 goals. And that's before the 80s when goalies were only slightly more effective than pylons)

Al Gore (the man who invented the internet!)

Cesar Chavez (won higher wages for farm workers by KOing Oscar de la Hoya... as is my understanding)

Liz Claiborne (whose clothing I do not own)

you know what this list needs? More Christopher Walken

and of course, Ewan McGregor. My soul mate.

What should I get Liz for her birthday?

Critical Drinking Attitude #5

2009-03-26T05:14:00.004-05:00

I just pulled my first all-nighter since 3rd year when I pulled an essay about Peter Brook out of my arse. In my defense I can take a blank page and call it an essay. I throw a few words on there and a Professor reads them, that's all it takes to produce an act of Academia.

Mmmmm pillow...

If only Batman had fought Dr. Forrester

2009-03-23T16:34:00.004-05:00

What Psychology paper?

It's official. Riff Trax is going to take on our generation's only sacred cow:

From Rifftrax.com:

If you can spare a minute, think back on the greatest work of cinema that you have ever seen. Did you think about The Dark Knight? No? Then you are a moron. Because while you were out doing whatever it is morons do...demolition derbies or...croquet, (we wouldn't know, we loved The Dark Knight), The Dark Knight pimp-slapped Andy Dufresne, spat in the Godfather's face and gave Charles Foster Kane a big ol' wedgie on its way to becoming the greatest movie of all time.

All this in spite of the bat suit causing our hero to grumble like the offspring of Tom Waits and Cookie Monster. There is nothing at all silly about that. We here at RiffTrax regret even having to point out that he sounds like your Great Aunt Vivian sending you out for her third pack of Pall Malls of the day. Because The Dark Knight is not just a superhero movie. It's a gritty crime drama about political corruption and the choices men make that just happens to involve a superhero. A superhero millionaire that dresses as a bat whose voice sounds like your cat heaving up a hairball into your slippers who battles a guy with half a face named Two-Face.

Despite all this, Mike, Kevin and Bill are ready to take on...(reverent pause)...The Greatest Movie of All Time.*

* Source: The Internet

Oh Riff Trax. As soon as I have $3.99 worth of space on my credit card I will send you my love.

Original content to come soon. I swear.

It might even be about something other than comic books.

To them you're just a geek... like me

2009-03-20T13:23:00.000-05:00

The Coon's Journal March 18th, 2009: Should've been the season premier. Last episode was OK,, but not amazing. This was good. And almost as anger inducing as the Season 2 Season premier. It's all a joke.

Not featured in the above clip, my favourite line: "Sometimes you have to blow up a hospital for the greater good"

You know I think Cartman might actually be more pathologically disturbed than Rorchach and The Joker put together.

CNBC or NAMBLA

2009-03-16T15:43:00.005-05:00

Apparently while I was away this weekend my boyfriend made the front page of the Hamilton Spectator.

Above: The love of my life, Jon Stewart, proving that the pen is mightier than Jim Cramer from CNBC

And headlines across the US and Canada. Have YOU seen the interview?

I have been predicting for several months that George W. Bush would go on the Daily Show, and that it would be epic. This may stop that from happening. Ever.

"Leave it to the Catholics to Destroy Existence"

2009-03-11T09:44:00.008-05:00

"This is exactly why I put a rabbit in charge of the Church, Benedictus! Because men are so easily led astray."- Jesus Christ (South Park)

from cbc.ca

Vatican backs excommunication of Brazilian MDs over child's abortion

A Vatican cleric is defending a Brazilian archbishop's decision to excommunicate several doctors who performed an abortion last week on a nine-year-old girl who became pregnant with twins after alleged sexual abuse by her step-father.

"It is a sad case, but the real problem is that the twins conceived were two innocent persons, who had the right to live and could not be eliminated,'' Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re told the Italian daily La Stampa.

"Life must always be protected. The attack on the Brazilian church is unjustified," Re was quoted as saying. He also heads the Pontifical Commission for Latin America.

The controversy erupted when media reported that a nine-year-old girl from the northeastern Brazilian state of Pernambuco had had an abortion to remove twin fetuses. The girl and her family learned she was 15 weeks pregnant when she went to hospital complaining of pains.

The girl, who has not been identified, told authorities her step-father had sexually abused her since age six. The 23-year-old step-father is currently in police custody.

Doctors performed the abortion Wednesday, saying they feared the pregnancy could kill her because of her slim frame.

Upon learning of the abortion, the regional archbishop excommunicated the doctors, as well as the girl's mother. He did not excommunicate the step-father, saying the crime he is alleged to have committed, although deplorable, was not as bad as ending a fetus's life.
"The law of God is higher than any human laws," Archbishop Jose Cardoso Sobrinho said in an interview on Globo television. "When a human law is against the law of God, that law has no value."

Abortion is illegal in Brazil, which has more Catholics than any other country. However, it can be carried out before the 20th week of pregnancy if the mother's life is deemed in danger or if the baby was conceived through rape.

The controversy has continued up the government and religious hierarchy, with Brazil's president and his ministers coming out in support of the girl.

On Friday, President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva denounced the church's strict interpretation of the law.

"The doctors did what had to be done: save the life of a girl of nine years old," Lula told news outlets.

That, in turn, brought out counter-condemnations from the Vatican.

"Excommunication for those who carried out the abortion is just," Cardinal Re said.

It's almost as though the Vatican was being controlled by the dark side of the force...

Ahhhhhh! I knew it. Bloody Catholics...

Who Watches the Simspons?

2009-03-08T21:37:00.003-05:00

Bart Simpson: Alan Moore! You wrote my favorite Radioactive Man comics.
Alan Moore: Oh, really? You liked how I made your favorite superhero a heroin-addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?
Bart Simpson: I don't read the words, I just like it when he punches people.

Oh What a Piece of Work is This

2009-03-01T12:55:00.001-05:00

iBlogs

2009-03-01T12:21:00.002-05:00

This is a special offer to upgrade your current previously viewed posts and comments now available in the Liz's Blog PLUS library. You will be charged $0.40 a comment and $0.80 a post to upgrade. Just click Buy All and new versions of your items below will be downloaded in Liz's Blog PLUS.

For more information about Liz's Blog PLUS read our FAQ.

****************

FAQ:

1. Why on earth would I want to pay for something I get for free?

An excellent question. When you get something for free... anything for free it is stealing. Would you steal a car? Would you steal a purse? Would you steal the plans to the Death Star? Then why would you steal mus... I mean blog posts?!

2. You know I actually paid for a bunch of this stuff already...

Really? Sucker... I mean that's good, but what you paid for was low quality crap. Liz's Blog PLUS gives you blog posts in the highest possible quality, and comments so good you can almost hear them. At only $0.40 more the original Comments are only for suckers who don't know the meaning of value.

3. What if I don't sign up? What happens to the blog?

I'm glad you asked. You will have the option for each and every old post and comment to either keep it in your blog library or delete it permanently so that you will never have to have your eyes and ears poisoned by standard definition.

4. Are you just going to pull this same crap again in five years, thus forcing me to upgrade my iTu... Blogger library again to a PLUS 2.0 edition?

Naturally. But it's only because it's an excellent way for us to make even more money on what we've sold you without the original artis... ahem commenters getting a dime.

They Must Be From Montreal

2009-02-26T11:50:00.004-05:00

This exercise requires an image editor like Photoshop...

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it with this text in the "caption" and TAG the person who tagged you and any friends you want to join in. Also, add an album description if you like*

*Liz's Ammendment: Go to www.pitchfork.com, rollingstone.com or any other music reviewing site and get a random review. Stick your band's name and album title into it.

From the Pitchfork Review:

9.7

With their constantly evolving sonic identity, in-your-face vocal mannerisms, and open-ended ideas about what their music might "mean," Otto Newman seem designed to inspire obsessive fans and vociferous detractors in equal measure. Men Must Be Affectionate Men, their latest full-length, has been anticipated to an almost ridiculous degree, with blogs and message boards lighting up with each scrap of new information or word of a possible leak.

Although it will be tagged as Otto Newman's "pop" album, Men Must Be Affectionate Men remains drenched in their idiosyncratic sound, a record that no one else could have made. Its songs won't be heard on the radio as Otto Newman's M.O. requires them to exist outside of rigid formats. Nonetheless, they've found a natural way to integrate the sing-along melodies, sticky hooks, and driving percussion that have long been hallmarks of celebratory popular music.

The Simpson

2009-02-19T13:35:00.005-05:00

While a great deal of my creative content has been coming from Cracked.com these days, I felt the need to direct everyone to a recent article there that brilliantly responds to the media frenzy over Jessica Simpson's weight gain.

This largely echoes the sentiment of the excellent South Park episode The List

Is Cracked secretly written by women (yes I know there are female writers for the site, but a large number of these pro-women articles seem to be written by the guys)? Are men able to more easily discuss women's issues without coming across as militant feminists? Are men actually better feminists than women?

Yes I am aware that there are a number of things philosophically and logically wrong with that statement.

Seriously though ladies, could we pick up the ball? And stop going to see movies like Bride Wars? Seriously wtf?

Namingway

2009-02-14T13:55:00.003-05:00

1. YOUR REAL NAME
Elizabeth Dawn Buchanan

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle name):
Marilyn Holeman

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
William Don

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name):
Bucel

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Frog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Dawn Hamilton

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Green Coffee (worst super hero ever)

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Elbu

9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav. cookie)
Cotton Candy Peanut Butter

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on)
Daisy King

11.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of last name plus izzle)
Bucizzle

12.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Mog

13. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Old Spice Snickers (best stripper ever)

Crappy Valentines Day!

2009-02-12T15:31:00.003-05:00

While I realize that being bitter and cynical about Valentines Day is not terribly original, that's not going to stop me from stealing "Honest Valentines Day Cards" from my very own daily source of bitter cynicism:

This was the only thing that could cheer me up after reading their 5 Reasons Being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought. Stupid Cracked.

28 Miles Later

2009-02-02T20:20:00.006-05:00

Alright I was struggling...

Night of the Driving Dead?
Shone on the Dead?
Residential-Street Evil?

Who would have thought the Spokesperson for Austin's Public Works would have no sense of humour?

My favourite quote doesn't come until the end:

"What is disturbing, we discovered in our research for this report, is that there are actually websites out there that tell people exactly how to do this."

3 Thoughts:

1) If they were really "taking this seriously" shouldn't they investigate to see where the Zombies came from and where they were going?

2) How do we know it wasn't a terrorist attack?! It was probably those Moonanites again, but our puny earth brains couldn't figure it out.

3) I can't comment on Austin, but I know for a fact that if the "High Winds on the Skyway" sign at the QEW/403 Junction suddenly displayed "Warning Zombies Ahead" no one would drive any faster or slower than they usually do, but it would sure make my day.

***********************

Also The Superficial has my favourite quote about the Michael Phelps... ugh... indicent:

"If Michael Phelps wants to pour alcohol into his face, smoke the marijuana like a cigarette and fornicate with various loose women before beating the world's pants off at swimming, shouldn't we as a nation stand behind him? I mean, Christ, if he was anymore American, he'd be out fighting crime with a talking bald eagle for a sidekick. But then how would other nations know we dominate at the breast stroke? You gotta think these things through."

Disciplinary Action

2009-01-22T13:52:00.003-05:00

In Nursing 100 we learned the 11 Critical Thinking Attitudes and then had to "illustrate" how we use each one. One of these attitudes was discipline.

Were I being a bit more honest in my assignment, I probably would have illustrated something like this.

How I use Critical Thinking Attitude #6: Discipline

Inherrit the Mess

2009-01-12T14:06:00.012-05:00

"Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them. And then there's this guy- who couldn't buy great at a great store if they were going out of business and had to get rid of all their great"- Jon Stewart

Just in case you didn't think he'd be a D-Bag right to the very end...

From cbc.ca:

[Still President] Bush said he doesn't worry about his popularity because those types of debates "will matter not if there's another attack on the homeland."

"Actually Mr. Bush, it appears people think you're an even bigger jackass..."

Some people will argue that Obama won't fix anything. Even if he really wants to, there's such a huge mess in the White House right now that he really doesn't have a chance.

The American election was never really about "change" or "hope" for me. Let me explain.

Think about those people in your hometown who had garbage on their front yard and way too many cats. The ones who doubled the average number of police calls to the block each year and did not seem to know what a car wash was. When they (or you) moved I suspect that your life did not change in any profound way. You didn't find yourself in a Utopian neighbourhood free of fights and littering, where everyone on the block had a job and a happy life. But at the end of the day things got a little better- because it's always nice to know that the people who live next to you aren't complete fucking morons.

Also, I guess this guy they elected is pretty cool. He's got really great eyes- policies! And super hot- solid no... important! Important ideas!

Here's a photo of Obama thanking me for using my blog to help him get elected:

7 Days!

Clinically Expressed

2009-01-08T20:22:00.004-05:00

It was my first day of clinical today, and let me tell you, it was 3 straight hours of finding out how badly I can possibly screw up by doing things wrong there.

But I'm not letting that get me down, because I am on my way to becoming Nurse Elizabeth Shue-chanan!

Wait... I DON'T get to kiss patients? What the hell kind of profession doesn't involve kissing a bunch of random people on stage?

Don't get the reference? See Hamlet 2. It is your new mission to do so.

And a Happy New Year

2009-01-02T10:40:00.008-05:00

A few photos from the holidays to ring in the new year.

Scott on his Christmas DS. Very few Christmases have gone by at our house that one of us hasn't had to save the world from the forces of evil.

Gnomeo and his friends.

My cousin Lorraine and I showing off what awesome skaters we are. I should note that Lorraine had never been on skates... or seen snow until this week.

Explaining this:

I should also explain that I'm not calling for help because she's broken her spine or anything. I'm laughing. Because I'm a great cousin.

Today we made snowmen. Look at them in front of our evergreen forest.

Alright, so the snow wasn't really packing that well and we got impatient.

Also Lorrain won New Years.

New Years Eve 2007 was won by my Uncle Brian with-

Me: For a pink pie, what kind of Japanese theatre...
Brian: Oh, Japanese Kabuki Theatre.
Me: How did you know that?!
Brian: Because I'm a fricken genius.

This year:

Scott: I think I deserve some props for guessing that Dark Side of the Moon would be the number one album!
Me: Um- how about some props for me for identifying the album after hearing four bars?
Lorraine: Your whole family is just awesome.

T'was the Night Before Christmas

2008-12-24T13:43:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

Check out those evenly spaced ornaments...

Best FF

2008-12-18T18:41:00.001-05:00

Dear Friends,

Today something hit stores in Japan that has prompted me to make an important announcement. Following what I assume was the most ridiculous first day game sales in the history of video games Square has announced a "mid-year" release for Final Fantasy Dissidia for the PSP. In the event of my being hit by a truck while playing the Sony PSP please take me off of life support immediately. The reason being that the Sony PSP was designed by God, but more importantly Final Fantasy Dissidia was designed by Cosmos the Godesss of Harmony, to determine which of us humble earthlings could command her army of light warriors to defeat the evil warriors of Chaos. I of course will have reached level 99 before anyone else due to having forgone school, work and my social life, and thus be called on to save the world of Dissidia from Final Fantasy villains.

only with

and

I will be going to a dimension filled with Final Fantasy characters having a giant battle. It's like Super Smash Brothers Brawl meets the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny times every Final Fantasy game for the last 21 years.

Will such a story make any goddamned sense? Unlikely.
Will I be in line at EBGames the day the North American official release date is announced? Frankly I'm surprised I'm not there now.
Is it healthy that when I say "the last 21 years" I know that it was actually 21 years ago this day that the first Final Fantasy game was released? Not even a little.

Let's be clear on just how big of a problem this is: I have actually watched the new trailer 3 times tonight.

It's in Japanese.

Wakarimasen...

Not that it will make any more sense in English. Square is rather famous for its Engrish translations being about on par with Zero Wing. Plus the plot of every game since VI has been so convoluted it probably doesn't make any damn sense in Japan either.

"The games are ridiculously overwrought and convoluted emotionally," -Owen Pallett

Still unless every third word is "konnichiwa", "sayonara", or "domo arigato" I'd say I'm pretty much stuck waiting for the North American release.

Such a good idea...

"Mid-year"? Stupid square...

Year of the Weblog

2008-12-16T01:31:00.005-05:00

I have written 104 posts this year, which means that I blogged just slightly more than last year. Yeah! Take that 2007!

And don't think that the quality has suffered any because of my increased productivity. Just look at these insightful posts from July, were I actually devolve to reposting Superdickery's hard-on jokes and September where Brian pretty much puts me in my place. I should note however that in a remarkable turn, I did not blog after getting loaded following my Anatomy & Physiology exam on Friday. Perhaps I'm maturing...

Also, apparently I still can't quite compete with my 2006 posting record of 132, or my 2005 count (which was only for 7 months, thus was theoretically on pace for 164 (and a half) posts. Which is about the only way in which those years were better than 07 and 08. Perhaps as happiness increases, blogging decreases. I should make a graph...

And finally what you've all been waiting for- Something funny someone else thought of:

"If people got what they deserved"

My Human Anatomy

2008-12-12T15:09:00.007-05:00

Homer: Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!

My brain is filled with a lot of useless information (as evidenced above). I’ve often thought that it would be great if I could channel my amazing ability to remember stupid crap into memorizing say... Anatomy & Physiology

But I think we all know that that isn't going to happen.

15 Things That Must Change About Human Biology in Order for Me to Get an A

1) All of the bones of the skull are now called Yorick plates. The muscles will henceforth be known as gibes and gambols.

2) Cranial nerves IV through VI are a lot better than their crappy prequels Cranial nerves I to III. Also, all of the cranial nerves, both sensory and motor, are susceptible to Jedi mind tricks.

3) If a crayon is lodged up the sphenoid sinus and into the frontal sinus it can result in an IQ drop of up to 50 points.

4) Kidneys are largely composed of simple cuboidal epithelium and when one is removed to give to a high school-aged clone of the Cleopatra, the other kidney will miss his friend.

5) A Keloid Scar, which is made up of red to dark brown scar tissue and often accompanied by sharp pains, is most likely the result of a backfired Avada Kadavra curse. It no longer has the risk of ulcerating, but it may make your adolescent developmental stage extra angsty.

6) The process known as increased activity of the vestibular glands, which lubricates the vestibule is now officially called “getting the vaginal juices flowing”. It is best not to do this by stampeding towards the clitoris “like a bull at the gates”.

7) The process of digesting, absorbing and eliminating fibre no longer involves the mechanical muscle movements of Peristalsis and release of chemical enzymes. Now when you consume fibre you will be visited by Mr. Hanky at Christmas.

8) Also, when you realize the true meaning of Christmas your Cardiac Muscle has the ability to enlarge and grow up to 3 times its original size.

9) Retrograde Amnesia is no longer caused by trauma to the temporal lobes and hippocampus, but by the evil Empire using a mind control device in order to unleash your magical powers on an unsuspecting fantasy world.

10) The gathering of cerebrospinal fluid for biomedical analysis through a lumbar puncture is now totally painless, actually pretty funny, but fatal to anyone who plays the drums.

11) The knee bone, or patella, is connected to the something. The something is connected to the red thing. The red thing is connected to my wrist watch.

12) In lab, when changing the objective lens on a microscope from 40X magnification to 4X magnification it is now imperative that the student sing “Normal view! Normal view! NORMAL VIEW!” as they adjust the nosepiece.

13) Making symmetrical medial incisions from the mid Buccal region of the face to the Oral region is the first phase in the process of terrorizing Gotham city while dressed like a clown.

14) The diaphysis (or shaft of the bone) is one bad mutha-
"Shut your mouth!"
... I'm just talkin' about the diaphysis.

15) The Biceps and Forearm Muscles now come out of the back of the neck and are referred to as a “big beefy arm”. There is no need for two. This is of course assuming you have wings and consummate “V”’s on your body.

I'm off to exercise, cram some more and write the exam. If you (God? Science God? Santa? Professor Brenner?) could please consider making the changes in say the next 3 hours that would be great.

Exam Time

2008-12-10T14:50:00.004-05:00

I wrote this after my Nursing 100 Midterm, at the request of a fellow student:

Ode to the Most Correct Answer

When the choices are all multiple
And the answers could all B
I keep on hoping that I can fill in
Every circle that I C

But my teachers have all taught me
That there’s A most correct response
But there are three or four of these to pick
And I can only answer once.

I think that A looks the most correct
But I’d better read the rest
Because everybody always knows
It’s never the first answer on the test.

I guess it might be the second answer,
That’s correct for number 3.
But that’s the answer I gave for 2,
Is it 2. B or not 2. B?

When all else fails go with C,
It seems a like a good plan.
But this C has a lot of words like
“if” and “but” and “than”

D gives me all of the above,
But wait, there’s answer E
Is it really C and B and A
Or only A and B?

I take a breath and fill in the blank
With my HB number 2
I sigh and roll my eyes when I see
I still have forty-five questions left to do.

I long for fill in the blanks,
Short answer or hell an essay
At least you can always get part marks
And BS half the way.

But in multiple choice you’re either wrong or right
And when you’re partly right you’re wrong.
So I’m going back to study some more
Because I’ve been procrastinating too long.

Yuletube

2008-12-07T23:06:00.001-05:00

#11 On 15 Ways to Get People to Watch TV Again

2008-12-01T21:09:00.003-05:00

Also- Cracked on the band "Of Montreal":

"Frontman Kevin Barnes has told many conflicting stories about where this Athens, Ga. band got their name, but the one that seems to have gained acceptance is that he was dating a girl from Montreal and it didn't work out.

Why it's ridiculous: What's the word for those people who change their explanation for something 100 times before settling on an excuse that sounds vaguely implausible? Oh, that's right, liars! Barnes named his band Of Montreal because he wanted people to think his band was from Montreal. He knew just as well as everyone else that if your group is from Montreal, you can record yourself taking a poop on a xylophone and Pitchfork will give it a sparkling review."

Can't Believe Anyone Else Ever Watched This...

2008-11-29T10:49:00.004-05:00

Speaking of BAD 80s-90s cartoons. My free time has been invaded by Cracked a fantastically funny website of lists. One of the lists I was reading was "The 10 Most Disastrous Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptations". I'm not so much shocked to find this on the list as I am to find that a) it is not #1, b) anyone other than me and my brother ever even saw this:

#4.ProStars

"Based On:
The most famous athletes in each of the three major sports: Michael Jordan (Basketball) and Bo Jackson (Football, Baseball). Also, a white guy named Wayne who plays something called hockey.

Sucked Because:
It squandered a pretty decent premise: famous athletes using their almost superhero-like athletic abilities to fight crime. Unfortunately, it's unclear if the the shows creators even knew who the three athletes were, or if they'd ever watched sports before.

Gretzky' character spends most of his time talking about how hungry he is, and acting like a general retard. He is mostly used as the outfit' comic relief, because when it comes to using sports to fight crime, the guy who glides around with blades on his feet, deftly wielding a sword-like stick is only good for a few chuckles. Meanwhile, Bo Jackson' character was the Incredible Hulk with a fade, an angry grunting behemoth who rumbled around like a bulldozer, ignoring the fact that Jackson was one of the fastest, most graceful athletes in professional sports.

But the biggest failure is the show's inexplicable treatment of the biggest star of the three: Michael Jordan. The obvious move would have been to turn him into a cross between Stretch Armstrong and a Gummy Bear, capable of using his leaping ability and lanky finesse to fuck up some super villains. Instead, Jordan' character fights crime using hi-tech gizmos some random Yiddish-speaking lady gives him. It didn't even matter that he was Michael Jordan! Kurt Rambis could have been awesome with all the weapons and gadgets that Jewish lady was always giving MJ. Instead of focusing on his other-worldly athleticism, the show made the greatest athlete in the world into a cross between The Hebrew Hammer and Data from Goonies.

Evidence from the Title Sequence:
The coolest moments in the intro are the highlights of Jackson and Jordan from the real world. While cartoon Bo uses a tree to kill some guy driving a tractor, it' nothing compared to his real world gravity-defying wall run. And Jordan flying through the air dunking on Lakers is way cooler than his cartoon highlight, in which he needs rocket-shoes to save a child from a burning building. Rocket shoes? Really? If Carl Lewis was one of the ProStars they probably would have given him a Segway."

I would like to point out two things that I don't remember from watching the cartoon that the opening sequence has reminded me of:

1) They slept in lockers
2) The 80s-90s obligatory "save the environment in the least peaceful way imaginable" episode.

Alright!

2008-11-25T20:58:00.004-05:00

My friend Jay had a total of two impersonations (at least that I ever heard). One was Louie Anderson. The other was me.

In my defense people SHOULD be quiet while I'm trying to do work in Science class.

Hey wait, I do have a forum...

2008-11-22T21:24:00.005-05:00

I know that this blog is largely ridiculous, but I thought I would try to make some effort tonight to do some very small good with it.

If you're feeling charitable at the moment or looking for a Christmas goodwill project, I would like to advocate for Mac Kids and the Canadian MPS Society.

MPS (Musopolysaccharidos) is an inherited, degenerative disorder caused by enzyme deficiencies. Affected individuals lack the necissary enzymes for normal cell degradation and recycling, substances store throughout their bodies, causing progressive damage to their hearts, bones, joints, respiratory systems and central nervous systems.

From the Canadian MPS Society:

"An MPS baby appears normal at birth and seems to develop normally for about the first year or more depending on which MPS type the child is affected with. The first signs can vary and are evident at different ages in affected children. Symptoms that usually prompt medical attention are ear infections, runny noses and colds.

The mucopolysaccharide storage disorders are progressive and vary widely in severity. All MPS children tend to have coarse facial features. All of them have, in some degree, skeletal involvement. In most children this involves joint changes with limitation of movement. In all of the MPS disorders, multiple organs are involved. Several children have clouding of the cornea which leads to vision impairment. Enlargement of the liver and spleen and involvement of the heart and blood vessels are frequent symptoms.

Progressive mental retardation is present in some children, as well as umbilical and groin hernias, stunted growth, fluid on the brain, thickened skin, excessive hair growth, chronic runny nose, chronic ear infections causing hearing loss, and a projected life expectancy of ten to twenty years."

For more information:

http://www.mpssociety.ca/

And of course Mac Kids can always use a hand:

http://www.mackids.ca/home.html

Thanks.

Will Farell Movie Generator

2008-11-21T03:29:00.003-05:00

Try out the Will Farrell Movie Generator at College Humour.

Awesome-O

1. Will Ferrell plays Zach Montague, an egotistical, obnoxious cheerleading choreographer at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Paul Rudd, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Zach Montague's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Sweet Kirk's roller coaster! My mind is a murderous whisker!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Steve Carell and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $37.6 million

2. Will Ferrell plays Amir Crawford, an egotistical, obnoxious ballet dancer at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Owen Wilson, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Amir Crawford's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Praise Buddha. My apricot is a shimmering trophy!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Ben Stiller and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $57.9 million

This is my own:

Will Ferrell plays Arthur Buddly, an egotistical, obnoxious Sports Mascot at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Jason Bateman, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Arthur Buddly's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Your cheese is an unstoppable mammoth! Behold my glorious platipus!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Jack Black and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $75.9 million

Oh that's right. It's that good.

Losing my REM

2008-11-20T14:48:00.006-05:00

I went to the library today to get some work done, only to fall asleep in one of the cubicles for a half an hour and wake up with creases on my cheek. It wouldn't be so bad if I were back at LU, where I could just mosey on over to the Brenda Wallace Reading Room and take a proper nap before getting back up to work, but Trent has a very noticable lack of quiet comfy places around campus with couches.

I miss the Green Room. Stupid Trent not having a Theatre program.

2008-11-18T17:15:00.001-05:00

So clearly a new lay-out. I think it's giving me slightly more room to fit the videos from College Humour and G4, which have thus far not been fitting so swimmingly. Some day I'm going to figure out how to make my own lay-out. Ah Grade 11 Computers class, why didn't I bother taking you?

Metaphor Free Radio

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Incidently, also Suing your Thanksgiving Dinner for Copyright Infringement

2008-11-13T19:08:00.005-05:00

Could not possibly make this up:

From G4 Tech TV (which is a website I totally don't check every day) News Feed:

"Mayor of "Batman, Turkey" Sues Christopher Nolan

The Mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman, is suing The Dark Knight director, Christopher Nolan for copyright infringement. Huseyin Kalkan, the "Bat-Mayor" wants some "bat-compensation" from Nolan and the producers of the film for using his city's name without permission. (Coincidentally as the film's take is about to pass the 1 billion dollar mark.)

Justice at last! That dirty wretch, Christopher Nolan! How dare he not take into consideration the great cultural heritage of the city's name (which it adopted way back in ancient 1955.) And curses to Bob Kane for using black magic to precognitively create his Batman character 16 years before that time! Did he have any decency? Thank goodness someone informed the good Mayor of this "Batman" character's existence or this injustice would have went unavenged.

Kidding aside, Mayor Huseyin has apparently tried this before. According to the super-reliable Wikipedia:

He first gained international notoriety after it was revealed that he had filed a lawsuit against DC Comics for using his city's name in their Batman Comic book franchise. In 2007, DC Comics confirmed that they had settled with the city for an undisclosed amount. In February 2008 the mayor was sentenced to 10 months in jail for promoting terrorism. Prosecutors speculated that Kalkan may have used money from his settlement with DC Comics to fund terrorism...

If indeed this is true, then someone needs to add "a pair" to his or her Christmas list for someone over at DC. This is beyond comical. I would hate to think that I'M financing terrorism when I pick up my Blu-Ray copy of TDK. (Well, I'm freaking getting it anyway, but still...)"

Truly sensational.

*******************************

Also a link for the new South Park (heck isn't that why you come here?)

Elementary School Musical

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have once again stolen my thoughts and put them in the mouths of 8 year olds.

Cartman: This is cool? We are really getting old you guys... well that's it I think I'm done. If this is what's cool now, I no longer have any connection to this world...

Book Worm

2008-11-11T09:40:00.003-05:00

This gave me a chuckle:

The USA Today Top 10 Best Selling Books of the Past 15 Years

1) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
2) Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution
3) The Da Vinci Code
4) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
5) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
8) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
9) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
10) Who Moved My Cheese?

Three Thoughts:

I) What the hell is "Who moved my cheese?"
II) Every one of these book titles works perfectly for the "penis" movie game.
III) A lot of people don't know, but JK Rowling actually wrote 8 of those books. Atkins was a fall-back after her ill-fated "Harry Potter and the Proteins of Power" was rejected by publishers.

Super Friends

2008-11-05T21:34:00.004-05:00

Oh also, while I'm on a combo Batman/random ridiculousness theme (I know I know, when am I not?):

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

PS: If it's working as poorly on your computer as it is on mine, follow the link. It's worth it just for the spot on grating Christian Bale impersonation.

Is your shock bigger than a bread box?

2008-11-05T16:17:00.007-05:00

Pleased as I am about last night there was one thing that genuinely gave me this expression:

You have to understand, I've been to this state on many occasions... I have relatives there... I've played more rounds of 20 Questions on the I-95 than is healthy... and this has completely blown my mind. I would have been less surprised if Texas had gone Democrat. I mean seriously, take the 460 west of Farmville.

I just had a disturbing thought: Virginia voted Democrat and Ontario voted Conservative.

My Dark Night

2008-11-01T10:32:00.006-05:00

I managed not to drink and blog last night, which was probably wise.

My camera was out of batteries, so here are two low-res webcam pictures of me fighting crime:

Personally I think that when you dress in costume you should commit to your character, and that's not just because I was a little disappointed that none of the Batmans would flirt with me. Mind you I did get my ass grabbed by the Riddler, so I guess it sort of evens out.

**********************************

In other comic book related news:

Yes there's probably a version with bigger print somewhere else online. Consider it your mission Super Friend.

The Air Canada Maple Leafs vs. the Molson Canadiens live tonight on Ford's Hockey Night in Canadian Tire

2008-10-29T20:26:00.006-05:00

How could one single news article summarize everything that has come to disillusion me about the sport of hockey that I once loved so much that I cried when the Leafs lost the '93 series to LA?

from tsn.com

NEW YORK - For the third straight year, the Toronto Maple Leafs are the NHL's most valuable team, worth US$448 million.

The Leafs increased in value by nine per cent and easily were valued ahead of the New York Rangers in Forbes' annual rankings. The Rangers are worth $411 million.

Third on the list were the Montreal Canadiens at $334 million, followed by the Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings ($303 million) and the Philadelphia Flyers ($275 million).

But the biggest increase in value was made by the Pittsburgh Penguins, who made the Stanley Cup finals last spring and boast stars Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. Pittsburgh is worth $195 million, up a whopping 26 per cent.

The next biggest gainers were the Calgary Flames, up 24 per cent to $203 million, and the Minnesota Wild, who improved 21 per cent and are worth $217 million.

The average team value was $220 million; by comparison, the average for NFL teams this season was $1 billion, according to Forbes.

At the bottom of the list were Columbus ($157 million), the New York Islanders ($154 million), and Phoenix ($142 million). The Coyotes were the only team to go down in worth, by three per cent.

Toronto also led the list with $160 million in revenues, followed by Montreal ($139 million) and the Rangers ($137 million).

Ominously, 12 teams showed a negative operating income, including the Flyers (minus $1.8 million), and Boston Bruins (minus $3 million) - both top 10 franchises in total value.

Funny but...

2008-10-28T01:47:00.002-05:00

Uh-oh- I can't remember whether or not I've already put this up here. That's a little sad. Ah well. Enjoy (possibly again):

Don't #*$& with Wendy Testiburger!

2008-10-16T22:21:00.015-05:00

Watch the new South Park: The Breast Cancer Show Ever

Wendy's excellence in this episode has prompted me to create the following list in recognition of women you do not want to mess with.

Liz's Top 10 Kick Ass Female Characters:

(I have decided not to assign an order. Firstly I kept switching the order so many times it was getting ridiculous. I also did not want any kind of ordering system to take away from the awesomeness of each and every one of these rockin' ladies)

Leela, Futurama

"That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it."

Eve, WALL-E

Catwoman, BATMAN RETURNS

"You poor guys, always confusing your pistols with your privates"

Tasha Yar, Star Trek TNG

"Is that the civilized word for 'murder' on this world?"

Wendy Testiburger, South Park

"I'm done."

Princess Leia, Star Wars Episode IV

"I'm surprised you had the courage to take responsibility yourself... the more you tighten your grip Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

Red Fraggle, Fraggle Rock

"What's dragon slaying got to do with violence?"

Molly Weasley, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Not my daughter you bitch!"

Celes Chere, Final Fantasy VI

"I'm a soldier, not some love-starved twit!"

Beatrix Kiddo, Kill Bill

"Wiggle your big toe"

!

I forgot one, but I'm not bumping anyone...

"... you look like a real prince, but Ronald you are a bum!"

Runners up include:

Rogue, X-Men The Animated Series
Goslin, Darkwing Duck
Batgirl, Batman The Animated Series
Schala/Kid, Chrono Trigger/Cross
Seven of Nine, Star Trek Voyager

Now THAT'S girl power.

Fantasy Honky

2008-10-15T13:03:00.008-05:00

Alright, so I'm the spelling police too. This one definitely deserved it though.

In my online Hockey Pool there's this idiot whose team name is "Obama is a Terroist"

I couldn't take it any more. I emailed him today:

I don't want to trade with you, I just want to know if "Terroist" is referring to Obama's interest in the environment, or an ability to read Tarot cards that I'm not yet aware of.

Try spell check.

I think I'll defer to Mr. Anti-Anti-War Protester 2003 for this one:

PS: I think my short lived Fantasy Hockey career may be over. I have just recieved an email accusing me of being an "ignorant racist black" (and for the record I only used the word "honky" here on my blog where I assumed people would appreciate that it was meant to be a humourous dig). Still I would like to take this opportunity to deflect any further accusations of racism with the following picture of me and my white friend:

(PPS: I do not have photoshop, and quite frankly that's about how much patience I have with Paint. Anyone who wants to make it suck less, consider it my "Green Screen Challenge".)

Don't blame me, I voted for Kang

2008-10-14T21:45:00.002-05:00

Every single election, it seems that there's only one Simpson's quote that can really sum up my feelings:

Le sigh.

Windows into my Thoughts

2008-10-08T20:32:00.006-05:00

I've been thinking lately that my brain is a little like a computer with a single-core processor and a tiny hard drive that I try to use like a multi-core processor with a big hard drive. At least I have a lot of random access memory.

I made the following diagram ("I make a lot of graphs"), to illustrate what my brain would be like if it were a computer. This is of course just what it looks like when I'm sitting around drinking coffee or not paying attention in class. When I have other tasks... well that's when I start getting error messages and freezing up.

You can click on it for a larger view, as I'm sure you all want to.

(PS: First person to make USB or other port-related jokes is on time out)

Flow Chart

2008-10-06T12:43:00.004-05:00

The last post I had up about Health Care and politics was so boring and depressing. This is depressing, but at least funny:

Don't worry, after the elections, the politicalness of my blog should decrease. Then I can go back to drunken rants and pretty pictures.

Perfect

2008-10-05T18:24:00.002-05:00