Oh it IS me babe.

On August the 20th I, Liz Buchanan, will be sitting in the front row of the Copps Collesium Concert Bowl watching...












In the immortal words of Eric Cartman: Who wants to touch me?

My Nerdy Obsession

Sign #22 that I've lost touch with reality: I can think of VERY few things that have ever made me happier than what happens in the final seventeen seconds of the behind the scenes read-through of last season's Scrubs premiere.

Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun!

Someone has created pure awesomeness


Personal favourites include:

Firecrackers: The Silent Killer
Pepsi Presents: Fractions
The Revenge Of Abe Lincoln
'P' Is For Psycho
The President's Neck Is Missing!
Man Verses Nature: The Road To Victory
Fuzzy Bunny's Guide To You-Know-What
Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly
Alice's Adventures Through The Windshield Glass
The Decapitation Of Larry Leadfoot

Seven Words You Can't Say in Your Blog

I think tonight I'll watch Dogma.

Maybe I would steal purse!

Who are you to judge me, Mr. Don't-Steal-Movies ad?!

The point is, after giving the Cineplex corporation $50 of my hard earned money this summer SO FAR (remember I still have Get Smart, The Dark Knight and Hamlet 2* to go) I'm getting really sick of seeing that lame don't-steal-movies ad. At least they were all pretty good. Indiana Jones wasn't exactly amazing, but it was a lot of fun and I was pleasantly surprised with Iron Man... the only one I was really dissappointed with was Prince Caspian, and because there's nothing I like more than being vindicated, here's a review by two guys who felt the same way:


I was however, far more impressed with Kung Fu Panda. I have ranted at length about children's entertainment "these days" but this movie had a couple of elements that I enjoyed. The humor, while occasionally over-the-top or "man getting hit with football" based was not the central focus of the film, there was actually, dear god, a story. And no it was not an original story, in fact it pretty much came out and made fun of how Star Warsy it was, but at least in a nice subtle way. It was about being an outcast, about believing in yourself and aspiring to greatness. In that way it was cut from the same cloth as the Disney golden age of the 90s. In fact if Dreamworks can start making things other than Shrek they may be poised to pick up the Disney torch... especially if WallE doesn't live up to its hype. Though Disney would have a hard time doing worse than Chicken Little. By the way, don't ever watch an animated movie based purely on liking the voice actors involved. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson from Doogal. You'd THINK.

Anyways, I watched the movie with a five year old who laughed and got scared during the fight scenes and then wanted to watch it again. So not only am I not alone in my appreciation of the movie, but it also proves my long standing belief that it's good to frighten children in movies. That's what makes them fun.
When I was a youngling I had to leave Peter Pan in the theatre because I got scared in the part where Captain Hook was sneaking up on him in the cave. I also may have had a series of nightmares. It also became one of my favourite movies as a kid and I went as Tiger Lily for Halloween the next year (Incidently, denying I was ever frightened, citing temporary illness as the reason for leaving the theatre).
I'm not suggesting that all kindergarteners should watch Dark Crystal, but maybe it's not SUCH a bad thing if kids get a little scared when they see movies. That's what makes them fun!

I'm recommending Kung Fu Panda for kids 4-104 and giving it my personal Liz thumbs up.









*PS: For those of you that have not yet heard of Hamlet 2 and are asking the obvious question I direct you to 1:03 :

Wonder-Twin Powers Activate!

Form of a gopher!
Form of a mote!

Inspired by last Tuesday's Colbert Report. I suggest watching the entire episode. I TVOed it and made every member of my family watch it at least once with me.

Viva la Musique!

I'm in the midst of doing some iTunes downloading. Today 3 albums (though sigh, I only anticipated wanting two) came out today. I am currently downloading my most recent unhealthy preoccupation The Hold Steady. I haven't heard anything off of the new album yet, but I don't care. Boys and Girls in America was sweet, and I haven't been able to get "Stuck Between Stations" out of my head for months. Wolf Parade was kind enough to stream their new album on their MySpace page so I've had a chance to listen to a few songs. It's definitely a little different than I thought it would be (I was sure recording in that church was going to actually turn them into the Arcade Fire), but I like a few of the songs. Nothing is totally grabbing me like "I'll Believe in Anything" or "Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts", but quite frankly 2 albums in a row with songs that awesome would be an act of the music gods.

Finally, I am doing a surprise download. Prior to last week I did not think I would be buying Coldplay's new album. I loved Parachutes, but I wasn't keen on Rush of Blood to the Head (loved the "The Scientist" mind you, but wasn't as impressed with "Clocks" as everyone else seemed to be), then after I heard "Speed of Sound" I wondered if I would ever feel the desire to own another Coldplay album.

I had heard "Violet Hill" on the radio and thought, 'Hey that's a nice contrast to what they have been doing, I'll see if anything's up on iTunes yet.'
So I downloaded that and "Viva La Vida". I stuck "Viva La Vida" on a playlist with some stuff from Flight of the Conchords and Colin Hay that I hadn't heard yet and went to the gym. I actually had to stop in the middle of my reps to find out whose song was so great. I was pleasantly finding myself thinking "I must get that album" for the first time since hearing "Yellow" at junior prom.
At any rate, the tracks have finished downloading while I've been writing this. I'm off to the gym with a fully loaded iPod and a newly rekindled love for popular music.

The 401

Hey, I hit 400 posts without particularly realizing it. Sweet.

I like to think that in those 400 posts there was some wit and wisdom. Whether it was my delusions of being married to Ewan McGregor, my list of things that I would buy with a $10 Million movie contract, the pun-rific Star Wars/"I've been drinking and here's what I think" saga, titling and subsequently retitling several posts "Everything's coming up Milhouse!", the idea that I stole from Andrew about just posting song lyrics that were stuck in my head everytime I was stuck for something to say, or just my random thoughts on everything from leg waxing to Cameron Diaz, I hope that you've all been enjoying these 3 years of web logging.

Here's a story.

My parents were in Ottawa this week, and my Dad brought back two pens and gave one to me. I was sitting in his chair tonight and playing with HIS pen (as most of you know I'm a terrible fidgeter). Anyways, I pulled the lid off of the pen and with it came the part that holds the ink in place. It didn't get on me, but the pen was now broken, and took some tricky handy work to get back together while my brother sat and gave me a "good job" sort of look. I finally got it back together, looked up at Scott and said "He'll never notice" and set it back on the table next to Dad's chair.

Five minutes ago, as I was writing the first half of this post, when from downstairs I heard my father say:

"Scott, I have your present from Ottawa, it's a pen!"

Our Endless Numbered Days

1:55AM Thought: Maybe flying off the handle about an irresponsible guidance counellor in the states is not the best way to deal with seriously repressed emotional issues that have been brought dangerously close to the surface of late.

Then again neither is vague blogging.

still

Will you say to me when I’m gone
Your face has faded but lingers on
Because light strikes a deal with each coming night
Oh oh oh oh
Coming night
Oh oh oh oh
Coming night.

Lies and the Lying Liars that tell them

I saw a story on Yahoo News that was just about the only thing that could me me go pundit on this thing. Being Yahoo, I can't actually post the video, so you'll have to go here to watch it.


It says that the parents and teens are angry. The ones on that video aren't anywhere near angry enough. If they had done that at my high school, we would have opened the biggest can of whoop-ass on our teachers and guidance counsellors. Never mind that they did it at all, but they let it go on for TWO HOURS?! That's unbelievably cruel.

It reminds me of the South Park episode "My Future Self and Me", where the kids' parents will go to any length to scare them into not doing drugs, instead of just being honest with them (a commentary on the Bush administration's attempt to link pot to 9/11... I mean seriously WTF?)

Stan basically says that if they had just told him the truth about drugs it would have a greater impact that an elaborate scheme of lies. When kids and teens feel like they've been lied to by authority figures they're more inclined to rebel. As much as I love rebellion, I prefer the kind where you wear short skirts or tell off your teacher when they're being a jerk- not the kind where you get behind the wheel after a few.

The truth will out. I'm a big fan of honesty, it's no secret. Maybe it's because, when people lie about stuff, particularly under the guise of "it's for your own good" it usually isn't.
The more you lie to scare people under the pretense that they can't make wise decisions for themselves, the harder they'll come back at you when they find out you were lying. Don't believe me? Ask the Bush administration.

The Last Temptation of Liz

Probably not for the guys who read this. That's right there are girls who read my blog.

As a follow up to my last post: I have a giant crush on Willem Dafoe.

I am so totally attracted to his acting.

The thing about Dafoe is that while he's often a little over the top (read a lot) he's so goddamn committed to it that I don't even care. So unlike most women who watch Platoon amd think Johnny Depp is hot, I have eyes only for Willem- Seriously, who names their son that? (Also sign #35 that I've lost touch with reality: yelling at Tom Beranger to "stop being such a dick").

Everytime I go into one of my day-dreamy moments about Willem Dafoe, my brother is always here to remind me of the quote from Riff Trax about the Spiderman movie:

"But being a spider naturally puts him on the bad side of Norman Osborn, the charismatic head of OsCorp Industries who manages to find enough time in his day to moonlight as an evil goblin (played by real life evil goblin Willem Dafoe.)"

Which of course brings me to my all time favourite ACTING! moment:

"Where did you say you got that cut?"

Is it over the top? Yes. Do I LOVE it? Yes.







Now I know what you're thinking- Liz, do you have crushes on other actors based purely on talent? Why yes, and thank you for asking.
We've already dealt with my disturbing response to Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List, but did you know that I also inexplicably find James Woods really hot? I even watched an entire episode of Shark! There's no reason to do that.
Of course my most recent acting-crush is on Scrubs (and Platoon) co-star John C McGinley. I've had to go back to several scenes on my Scrubs Season 1 DVD and re-watch his acting. That one where Dr. Cox takes his shirt off, that one where he drops his pants, that other one where he takes his shirt off, the point is his acting is shirtless... flawless-body... damnit! These guys are all like twice my age- maybe I just need to go back to being attracted to guys with Scottish accents or Jewish comedians.

Quality vs Quality

Last night I finally watched Platoon. Sorry Joe, I was wrong, that was probably one of the best movies I've ever seen.

Which got me thinking... while, in my opinion, it may in fact be one of the best made films in history I have no intention of owning it, or adding it to any favourite movies list. It's not exactly the kind of movie I would watch again and again for enjoyment.

While I will stand fast for the excellence of many of my top 10 Favourites (City Lights, Dr Strangelove, Casablanca), I admit that they are not always the highest quality movies in history (Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail is my #1 after all). I do like to actually ENJOY the movies I'm watching, and I actually get kind of pissed when I'm told that I should love a movie that was absolutely painful to watch for no good reason.
But every once in a while, and frequently with many of the folks reading this, I watch a movie that is kind of painful, in that it is disturbing, but is also incredibly moving and impressive. I have decided to pay tribute to these films in my:

Top 10 Movies I Thought Were Brilliant, but I Never Want to Have to See Again

10. Titus

9. Full Metal Jacket

8. One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest

7. Resevoir Dogs (Oh yes, I went there)

6. The English Patient

5. Saving Private Ryan

4. Natural Born Killers

3. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (With the exception of the scene where all the guys try to ambush him and the music goes 'wah nah nah nah nah- duh duh duh duh- wah nah nah nah nah- duh duh duh duh'. I could watch that forever)

2. Schindler's List

1. Platoon


I actually had an entire post written with explanations about why I thought the movies were excellent, and what had disturbed me so terribly about them, but it was starting to sound like a psychotherapy session. Also, I assume that since I am dealing with a few people's favourites that I'll have to argue this in some sort of angry flame war anyways, so it's really just a time saving activity.

Smell-o-vision

This is really one of the strangest things I've had happen in a while.

I noticed Monday whilst out to see Indiana Jones, with the lovely Miss Liz VanTassel, that something on me smelled kind of funny. Not really bad (I hope Liv!), but noticably strange. The smell got stronger and by the evening I was convinced that I had spilled something really stinky on myself. I woke up the next morning, had a shower and put on copious amounts of deoderant. At exactly this point, I noticed the smell again. I smelled my deoderant. My BRAND NEW stick of deoderant, which I had purchased Sunday night smelt like cheese that had gone very very bad.

I have seriously never heard of this. I don't think deoderant goes bad...

Any ways, this is not only a public service announcement of apology to Liv, but seriously- what the hell? I should call Secret...

Also, I think it's really a shame that the blogosphere has yet to develope an HTML code to post smells- although, I suspect no one would ever read my blog again.



PS: I am not entirely convinced that the new Indiana Jones movie wasn't written exactly the same way that Snakes on a Plane was written.
ie:
Blogger: Dude, you know what would be SO COOL...
Lucas-Spielberg (reading): Gold!

Did I still love it? Yes.
Do I think it was better than Temple of Doom? Phantom Menace was better than Temple of Doom.
Would I go see it again? Hell yes.

PS

As a follow up to my last post:

Is anyone else interested in changing the English language to include a single hyphonated "that-that" whenever you need to use the word "that" twice in a row? It's kind of how you say it, and MS Word always gets angry at me for repeating the same word twice.

Also, I have located my saltine. It's at Future Shop and contains special commentary on the episode "My Musical". Mmmmm Scrubs...

Clone Scrubs

Sign #27 Liz has lost all touch with reality: She's decided that Scrubs is actually just all of the characters from Clone High grown up and working in a Hospital.























































(Don't agree? Count how many times Elliot says "Come on you guys" in that nagging voice)



















(OK, that one was kind of cheating...)


















Oh Bill Lawrence... it's like your only desire in life is to appeal to exactly my sense of humour (and have some bizarre portal into my head to determine exactly what I think its funny, even if it completely perplexes or even frightens other people)

Why is it that that isn't the first time I've had that very strange thought?

Also... I wonder where I left my saltine cracker...?

The Sound of Settling

I was listening to the 102.1 The Edge a couple of days ago and I heard the new Death Cab for Cutie single. I can't really say that it made me want the CD. I thought it was boring and lacked the simplicity and creative lyrics of their earlier work, and made me wonder why we didn't see a Postal Service CD instead.

I havne't listened to the rest of the CD though... does anyone have it, and have a better impression of it?

Training Day

I went for some staff training two days ago (and for fans of the UK Office- yes we did do role playing involving listening skills, and no I did not "get their attention" despite the urge). I had to kill some time after arriving on GO Transit, because as usual with public transit I had the choice of being 1 hour early or 5 minutes late. I went into the nearby South Common "Mall". The term is clearly being used loosely. I noticed what ended up being only the second strangest sign in the mall:


"Arian Shoes"


Now I do realize that this is probably someone's name and that even if it were spelt "Aryan" it wouldn't necissarily have the negative connotations that I was taking it to have- still it seemed like a strange choice for a name.

The sign that I felt eclipsed "Arian Shoes" was in the Dollar Mart:


"Yes, we sell British Products"


With a picture of the British flag. Actually, I was just interested in whether or not you sold pens- but yes British pens will be satisfactory...



I should probably get some sleep.

Sign #47 that I have Totally Lost Touch with Reality

I want to give Wilson a hug.





Stay tuned for the full "Signs 1-50 Liz has lost touch with reality". Only about six of them involve House. Most of them are about my insistence that I can use The Force or my ability to solve crimes to the tune of The Who.

My Problem with Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia. hmmmm

I quite liked the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, but I'm not sure I like the series as a whole. I went to see the movie Prince Caspian and I think I've figured out my problem with Narnia.

While the religious symbolism in Narnia is about as subtle as a blunt axe, it didn't bother me so much in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. It's not that Christianity bothers me per se- it's CS Lewis's view of it.

What begins to happen in Prince Caspian, and essentially the rest of the saga is that Aslan=God begins to promote an ideaology that I do not feel is consistent with either the bible or of my experience with Christiantiy, but rather the elements of fundamentalist Christianity which I am most uncomfortable with. Chiefly that the best kind of faith is blind faith. Lucy can see Aslan because she believes in him unconditionally, where as the other children question his presence- not his existence, but his presence. They don't understand how he could allow bad things to happen in Narnia, and wonder where he is. This is basically held up as the wrong way of viewing things. Lucy, who does not question Aslan is exalted and basically made out to be the great hero.
If Aslan=God then what follows is, "Believe in God and don't question His divine wisdom or presence". Thinking "How could god allow suffering in the world?" is bad, because God has a plan, and if you just have faith in him everything will turn out fine. This is essentially what I got from Prince Caspian (That and the fact that it is apparently necissary to cram a love story into every movie with an actress over the age of 14).

The idea that blind faith is the best kind of faith isn't consistent with the bible. It's not even consistent with Jesus. The mythology of Narnia becomes increasingly wrapped up in religious symbolism as the stories go on, and the more it becomes overtly 'Aslan is God', 'Narnia is the kingdom of Heaven' and so forth, the harder it is to ignore the moral preaching of the stories. Again I have no problems with Christian morality- I really dig love thy neighbor as thy self- but no matter what spiritual force you understand to be at work, or what value system you adhere to it should never be a simple question of believing or not believing. I can think of few things worse than blind faith in anything. This is why I seem to keep falling into the "agnostic" category in many people's views (despite the fact that that I do think that there's a higher power and believe very strongly in many elements of Christianity, Buddism, Islam, Judaism and others). I simply cannot justify blind faith logically or theologically.


Part II: My Bias

I like the character Susan the best of all of the Narnia kids. This will shock no one that knows me. Susan, Lisa Simpson, Kyle Broflaski, Hermione Granger... who ever that nagging voice of reason is, I am always drawn to. It's not that I value intelligence above all else, I'm a big fan of bravery, honesty and kindness ahead of reason- but the sensible/intelligent/nagging characters are also the ones who challenge authority, question why things are the way they are and stand up against injustice. Sometimes they take it over board or can be self-righteous, but that voice of reason is also the voice of change and sometimes greatly needed truth. Susan has that potential, but in the world of Narnia her voice of reason and truth is painted as a negative. That she questions Aslan, that she questions whether or not the children should proceed into Narnia or fight in the great battle are seen as weaknesses. In another story she might be a hero, but in Narnia she is, at best, a foil for Lucy.

For anyone who hasn't read the complete Chronicles I won't give away Susan's fate, but you've most likely gathered from this that I'm not impressed.
Lucy is great, fine. She is kind and innocent and very brave, but in another story Susan would be her great ally, not her foil. Because let's face it, without the nagging voice of reason Harry would still be wandering around the forest with Ron looking for Horocruxes, Bart would have been done in by Side Show Bob, and Stan and Kenny would have been thrown in a giant pit of lava at the Airport Hilton ("Everything OK? Got enough Buffet items? Do you have enough lava?").



Oh right the film...

Ummmmm why did Susan and Caspian have a random love story? What the hell was that song at the end? And please cut it out with all the shots of the Pevensie children staring at each other meaningfully as if thinking something very deep in the middle of every battle scene for no apparent reason.

"Uh, Liz it is just a kids film... maybe you could take it a little easy?"

No. Because I think that complacency with children's entertainment is what led to Pokeman and Air Bud. Just because something is for kids doesn't mean it can suck. Jim Henson didn't think kids stuff should suck and neither do I. So there.

Tim Horton's on the Defence

I did not read one article that thought of that pun.

You don't even get it do you?

Sigh...here.


Employee fired over free Timbit getting job back

London, Ont. woman will be getting her job at Tim Hortons back after being fired for giving a free Timbit to a toddler.

A statement issued by the company's head office Thursday said the person who fired Nicole Lilliman, 27, went too far and that the single mother of four has been reinstated.

"Unfortunately the action of the manager of this location was not appropriate," the statement read. "With an apology from management Ms. Lilliman has been rehired by the franchisee. We sincerely apologize to our customers for this unfortunate incident."

Tim Hortons customers interviewed in London were less than impressed upon hearing of the firing.

"They're not going to go broke giving a child a Timbit," one woman told A-Channel London. "Shame on them."

Timbits are small balls of glazed dough that sell for $0.16.

Lilliman has said she didn't think much about giving the Timbit to the 11-month-old child, who came in with a regular customer on Monday. She said staff members often give Timbits to pets and children and that she was trying to calm the child.

Lilliman had worked at the store for about three years. She said was greeted by three managers when she arrived at work on Wednesday, who confronted her about the free gift after watching surveillance footage taken in the restaurant.

Uncomfortable with returning to the store from which she was fired, Lilliman will now work at another Tim Hortons location just down the street, company spokesperson Rachel Douglas told the Canadian Press on Thursday.

No decision has been made on whether action will be taken against the manager who fired Lilliman, said Douglas, adding she does not believe the manager's actions are ground for dismissal.