I may have identified the source of all suffering in the world:
I can work with kids, and I think I get kids. I love Robert Munch and Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter, Disney movies and The Muppets- I love kids. I can work with teenage boys. I can talk video games and Star Wars, hockey and The Simpsons. Teenage boys are great. But I can't seem to work with teenage girls. And rather than blame myself or them, I blame High School Musical. And boy bands. And Lasenza Girl. And everything else that reinforces that girls should be more interested in fashion, money, cute boys and being "perfect" than having a real personality.
When I say that I can't relate to 98% of humanity it's because sometimes it feels like 98% of humanity is teenage girls. Look at American Idol, Justin Timberlake, shopping malls, Paris Hilton, Miley Cirus and tabloid news. It's like girls aged 14-18 have taken over the world.
Now I know what you're going to say, "Liz you were a teenager not too long ago, weren't you a girl then too?" Sigh- yes. But I now present the court with two pieces of evidence in my defence:
Grade 11 Drama
JOEL: The girls in this grade all suck.
JOEL: Well not you Liz, you don't count.
ME: Thanks... I think.
Grade 12 Math
ME: Sutor, I have to say, you guys are idiots.
ME: But as dumb as the guys in this grade are, you are not anywhere near as stupid as the girls in this grade.
SUTOR: Not even close.
I used to be a little offended by Joel's remark about not counting, but as I've grown older I've come to take it as a compliment. I'd rather not count.
Erin: Look we can sit here and analyze all day why they're acting like this, but let's face it they are teenage girls.
Me: I think it's impressive that they haven't started systematically destroying one another with gossiping.
My solution: pay one really cool teenage girl to say that she likes independent films, anything on SubPop records and would rather read from the canon than Teen Magazine. Within weeks we should have a considerably more freethinking, interesting bunch of teenagers, within months we might even see some serious improvements of popular culture. Let's make the sheeople effect work for us!