Wednesday, December 24, 2008

T'was the Night Before Christmas

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

Check out those evenly spaced ornaments...

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Best FF

Dear Friends,

Today something hit stores in Japan that has prompted me to make an important announcement. Following what I assume was the most ridiculous first day game sales in the history of video games Square has announced a "mid-year" release for Final Fantasy Dissidia for the PSP. In the event of my being hit by a truck while playing the Sony PSP please take me off of life support immediately. The reason being that the Sony PSP was designed by God, but more importantly Final Fantasy Dissidia was designed by Cosmos the Godesss of Harmony, to determine which of us humble earthlings could command her army of light warriors to defeat the evil warriors of Chaos. I of course will have reached level 99 before anyone else due to having forgone school, work and my social life, and thus be called on to save the world of Dissidia from Final Fantasy villains.

only with


I will be going to a dimension filled with Final Fantasy characters having a giant battle. It's like Super Smash Brothers Brawl meets the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny times every Final Fantasy game for the last 21 years.

Will such a story make any goddamned sense? Unlikely.
Will I be in line at EBGames the day the North American official release date is announced? Frankly I'm surprised I'm not there now.
Is it healthy that when I say "the last 21 years" I know that it was actually 21 years ago this day that the first Final Fantasy game was released? Not even a little.

Let's be clear on just how big of a problem this is: I have actually watched the new trailer 3 times tonight.

It's in Japanese.


Not that it will make any more sense in English. Square is rather famous for its Engrish translations being about on par with Zero Wing. Plus the plot of every game since VI has been so convoluted it probably doesn't make any damn sense in Japan either.

"The games are ridiculously overwrought and convoluted emotionally," -Owen Pallett

Still unless every third word is "konnichiwa", "sayonara", or "domo arigato" I'd say I'm pretty much stuck waiting for the North American release.

Such a good idea...

"Mid-year"? Stupid square...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Year of the Weblog

I have written 104 posts this year, which means that I blogged just slightly more than last year. Yeah! Take that 2007!

And don't think that the quality has suffered any because of my increased productivity. Just look at these insightful posts from July, were I actually devolve to reposting Superdickery's hard-on jokes and September where Brian pretty much puts me in my place. I should note however that in a remarkable turn, I did not blog after getting loaded following my Anatomy & Physiology exam on Friday. Perhaps I'm maturing...

Also, apparently I still can't quite compete with my 2006 posting record of 132, or my 2005 count (which was only for 7 months, thus was theoretically on pace for 164 (and a half) posts. Which is about the only way in which those years were better than 07 and 08. Perhaps as happiness increases, blogging decreases. I should make a graph...

And finally what you've all been waiting for- Something funny someone else thought of:

"If people got what they deserved"

Friday, December 12, 2008

My Human Anatomy

Homer: Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!

My brain is filled with a lot of useless information (as evidenced above). I’ve often thought that it would be great if I could channel my amazing ability to remember stupid crap into memorizing say... Anatomy & Physiology

But I think we all know that that isn't going to happen.

15 Things That Must Change About Human Biology in Order for Me to Get an A

1) All of the bones of the skull are now called Yorick plates. The muscles will henceforth be known as gibes and gambols.

2) Cranial nerves IV through VI are a lot better than their crappy prequels Cranial nerves I to III. Also, all of the cranial nerves, both sensory and motor, are susceptible to Jedi mind tricks.

3) If a crayon is lodged up the sphenoid sinus and into the frontal sinus it can result in an IQ drop of up to 50 points.

4) Kidneys are largely composed of simple cuboidal epithelium and when one is removed to give to a high school-aged clone of the Cleopatra, the other kidney will miss his friend.

5) A Keloid Scar, which is made up of red to dark brown scar tissue and often accompanied by sharp pains, is most likely the result of a backfired Avada Kadavra curse. It no longer has the risk of ulcerating, but it may make your adolescent developmental stage extra angsty.

6) The process known as increased activity of the vestibular glands, which lubricates the vestibule is now officially called “getting the vaginal juices flowing”. It is best not to do this by stampeding towards the clitoris “like a bull at the gates”.

7) The process of digesting, absorbing and eliminating fibre no longer involves the mechanical muscle movements of Peristalsis and release of chemical enzymes. Now when you consume fibre you will be visited by Mr. Hanky at Christmas.

8) Also, when you realize the true meaning of Christmas your Cardiac Muscle has the ability to enlarge and grow up to 3 times its original size.

9) Retrograde Amnesia is no longer caused by trauma to the temporal lobes and hippocampus, but by the evil Empire using a mind control device in order to unleash your magical powers on an unsuspecting fantasy world.

10) The gathering of cerebrospinal fluid for biomedical analysis through a lumbar puncture is now totally painless, actually pretty funny, but fatal to anyone who plays the drums.

11) The knee bone, or patella, is connected to the something. The something is connected to the red thing. The red thing is connected to my wrist watch.

12) In lab, when changing the objective lens on a microscope from 40X magnification to 4X magnification it is now imperative that the student sing “Normal view! Normal view! NORMAL VIEW!” as they adjust the nosepiece.

13) Making symmetrical medial incisions from the mid Buccal region of the face to the Oral region is the first phase in the process of terrorizing Gotham city while dressed like a clown.

14) The diaphysis (or shaft of the bone) is one bad mutha-
"Shut your mouth!"
... I'm just talkin' about the diaphysis.

15) The Biceps and Forearm Muscles now come out of the back of the neck and are referred to as a “big beefy arm”. There is no need for two. This is of course assuming you have wings and consummate “V”’s on your body.

I'm off to exercise, cram some more and write the exam. If you (God? Science God? Santa? Professor Brenner?) could please consider making the changes in say the next 3 hours that would be great.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Exam Time

I wrote this after my Nursing 100 Midterm, at the request of a fellow student:

Ode to the Most Correct Answer

When the choices are all multiple
And the answers could all B
I keep on hoping that I can fill in
Every circle that I C

But my teachers have all taught me
That there’s A most correct response
But there are three or four of these to pick
And I can only answer once.

I think that A looks the most correct
But I’d better read the rest
Because everybody always knows
It’s never the first answer on the test.

I guess it might be the second answer,
That’s correct for number 3.
But that’s the answer I gave for 2,
Is it 2. B or not 2. B?

When all else fails go with C,
It seems a like a good plan.
But this C has a lot of words like
“if” and “but” and “than”

D gives me all of the above,
But wait, there’s answer E
Is it really C and B and A
Or only A and B?

I take a breath and fill in the blank
With my HB number 2
I sigh and roll my eyes when I see
I still have forty-five questions left to do.

I long for fill in the blanks,
Short answer or hell an essay
At least you can always get part marks
And BS half the way.

But in multiple choice you’re either wrong or right
And when you’re partly right you’re wrong.
So I’m going back to study some more
Because I’ve been procrastinating too long.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Monday, December 01, 2008

#11 On 15 Ways to Get People to Watch TV Again

Also- Cracked on the band "Of Montreal":

"Frontman Kevin Barnes has told many conflicting stories about where this Athens, Ga. band got their name, but the one that seems to have gained acceptance is that he was dating a girl from Montreal and it didn't work out.

Why it's ridiculous: What's the word for those people who change their explanation for something 100 times before settling on an excuse that sounds vaguely implausible? Oh, that's right, liars! Barnes named his band Of Montreal because he wanted people to think his band was from Montreal. He knew just as well as everyone else that if your group is from Montreal, you can record yourself taking a poop on a xylophone and Pitchfork will give it a sparkling review."

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Can't Believe Anyone Else Ever Watched This...

Speaking of BAD 80s-90s cartoons. My free time has been invaded by Cracked a fantastically funny website of lists. One of the lists I was reading was "The 10 Most Disastrous Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptations". I'm not so much shocked to find this on the list as I am to find that a) it is not #1, b) anyone other than me and my brother ever even saw this:


"Based On:
The most famous athletes in each of the three major sports: Michael Jordan (Basketball) and Bo Jackson (Football, Baseball). Also, a white guy named Wayne who plays something called hockey.

Sucked Because:
It squandered a pretty decent premise: famous athletes using their almost superhero-like athletic abilities to fight crime. Unfortunately, it's unclear if the the shows creators even knew who the three athletes were, or if they'd ever watched sports before.

Gretzky' character spends most of his time talking about how hungry he is, and acting like a general retard. He is mostly used as the outfit' comic relief, because when it comes to using sports to fight crime, the guy who glides around with blades on his feet, deftly wielding a sword-like stick is only good for a few chuckles. Meanwhile, Bo Jackson' character was the Incredible Hulk with a fade, an angry grunting behemoth who rumbled around like a bulldozer, ignoring the fact that Jackson was one of the fastest, most graceful athletes in professional sports.

But the biggest failure is the show's inexplicable treatment of the biggest star of the three: Michael Jordan. The obvious move would have been to turn him into a cross between Stretch Armstrong and a Gummy Bear, capable of using his leaping ability and lanky finesse to fuck up some super villains. Instead, Jordan' character fights crime using hi-tech gizmos some random Yiddish-speaking lady gives him. It didn't even matter that he was Michael Jordan! Kurt Rambis could have been awesome with all the weapons and gadgets that Jewish lady was always giving MJ. Instead of focusing on his other-worldly athleticism, the show made the greatest athlete in the world into a cross between The Hebrew Hammer and Data from Goonies.

Evidence from the Title Sequence:
The coolest moments in the intro are the highlights of Jackson and Jordan from the real world. While cartoon Bo uses a tree to kill some guy driving a tractor, it' nothing compared to his real world gravity-defying wall run. And Jordan flying through the air dunking on Lakers is way cooler than his cartoon highlight, in which he needs rocket-shoes to save a child from a burning building. Rocket shoes? Really? If Carl Lewis was one of the ProStars they probably would have given him a Segway."

I would like to point out two things that I don't remember from watching the cartoon that the opening sequence has reminded me of:

1) They slept in lockers
2) The 80s-90s obligatory "save the environment in the least peaceful way imaginable" episode.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


My friend Jay had a total of two impersonations (at least that I ever heard). One was Louie Anderson. The other was me.

In my defense people SHOULD be quiet while I'm trying to do work in Science class.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hey wait, I do have a forum...

I know that this blog is largely ridiculous, but I thought I would try to make some effort tonight to do some very small good with it.

If you're feeling charitable at the moment or looking for a Christmas goodwill project, I would like to advocate for Mac Kids and the Canadian MPS Society.

MPS (Musopolysaccharidos) is an inherited, degenerative disorder caused by enzyme deficiencies. Affected individuals lack the necissary enzymes for normal cell degradation and recycling, substances store throughout their bodies, causing progressive damage to their hearts, bones, joints, respiratory systems and central nervous systems.

From the Canadian MPS Society:

"An MPS baby appears normal at birth and seems to develop normally for about the first year or more depending on which MPS type the child is affected with. The first signs can vary and are evident at different ages in affected children. Symptoms that usually prompt medical attention are ear infections, runny noses and colds.

The mucopolysaccharide storage disorders are progressive and vary widely in severity. All MPS children tend to have coarse facial features. All of them have, in some degree, skeletal involvement. In most children this involves joint changes with limitation of movement. In all of the MPS disorders, multiple organs are involved. Several children have clouding of the cornea which leads to vision impairment. Enlargement of the liver and spleen and involvement of the heart and blood vessels are frequent symptoms.

Progressive mental retardation is present in some children, as well as umbilical and groin hernias, stunted growth, fluid on the brain, thickened skin, excessive hair growth, chronic runny nose, chronic ear infections causing hearing loss, and a projected life expectancy of ten to twenty years."

For more information:

And of course Mac Kids can always use a hand:


Friday, November 21, 2008

Will Farell Movie Generator

Try out the Will Farrell Movie Generator at College Humour.


1. Will Ferrell plays Zach Montague, an egotistical, obnoxious cheerleading choreographer at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Paul Rudd, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Zach Montague's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Sweet Kirk's roller coaster! My mind is a murderous whisker!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Steve Carell and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $37.6 million

2. Will Ferrell plays Amir Crawford, an egotistical, obnoxious ballet dancer at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Owen Wilson, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Amir Crawford's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Praise Buddha. My apricot is a shimmering trophy!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Ben Stiller and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $57.9 million

This is my own:

Will Ferrell plays Arthur Buddly, an egotistical, obnoxious Sports Mascot at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Jason Bateman, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Arthur Buddly's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Your cheese is an unstoppable mammoth! Behold my glorious platipus!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Jack Black and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $75.9 million

Oh that's right. It's that good.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Losing my REM

I went to the library today to get some work done, only to fall asleep in one of the cubicles for a half an hour and wake up with creases on my cheek. It wouldn't be so bad if I were back at LU, where I could just mosey on over to the Brenda Wallace Reading Room and take a proper nap before getting back up to work, but Trent has a very noticable lack of quiet comfy places around campus with couches.

I miss the Green Room. Stupid Trent not having a Theatre program.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

So clearly a new lay-out. I think it's giving me slightly more room to fit the videos from College Humour and G4, which have thus far not been fitting so swimmingly. Some day I'm going to figure out how to make my own lay-out. Ah Grade 11 Computers class, why didn't I bother taking you?

Metaphor Free Radio

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Incidently, also Suing your Thanksgiving Dinner for Copyright Infringement

Could not possibly make this up:

From G4 Tech TV (which is a website I totally don't check every day) News Feed:

"Mayor of "Batman, Turkey" Sues Christopher Nolan

The Mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman, is suing The Dark Knight director, Christopher Nolan for copyright infringement. Huseyin Kalkan, the "Bat-Mayor" wants some "bat-compensation" from Nolan and the producers of the film for using his city's name without permission. (Coincidentally as the film's take is about to pass the 1 billion dollar mark.)

Justice at last! That dirty wretch, Christopher Nolan! How dare he not take into consideration the great cultural heritage of the city's name (which it adopted way back in ancient 1955.) And curses to Bob Kane for using black magic to precognitively create his Batman character 16 years before that time! Did he have any decency? Thank goodness someone informed the good Mayor of this "Batman" character's existence or this injustice would have went unavenged.

Kidding aside, Mayor Huseyin has apparently tried this before. According to the super-reliable Wikipedia:

He first gained international notoriety after it was revealed that he had filed a lawsuit against DC Comics for using his city's name in their Batman Comic book franchise. In 2007, DC Comics confirmed that they had settled with the city for an undisclosed amount. In February 2008 the mayor was sentenced to 10 months in jail for promoting terrorism. Prosecutors speculated that Kalkan may have used money from his settlement with DC Comics to fund terrorism...

If indeed this is true, then someone needs to add "a pair" to his or her Christmas list for someone over at DC. This is beyond comical. I would hate to think that I'M financing terrorism when I pick up my Blu-Ray copy of TDK. (Well, I'm freaking getting it anyway, but still...)"

Truly sensational.


Also a link for the new South Park (heck isn't that why you come here?)

Elementary School Musical

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have once again stolen my thoughts and put them in the mouths of 8 year olds.

Cartman: This is cool? We are really getting old you guys... well that's it I think I'm done. If this is what's cool now, I no longer have any connection to this world...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Book Worm

This gave me a chuckle:

The USA Today Top 10 Best Selling Books of the Past 15 Years

1) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
2) Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution
3) The Da Vinci Code
4) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
5) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
8) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
9) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
10) Who Moved My Cheese?

Three Thoughts:

I) What the hell is "Who moved my cheese?"
II) Every one of these book titles works perfectly for the "penis" movie game.
III) A lot of people don't know, but JK Rowling actually wrote 8 of those books. Atkins was a fall-back after her ill-fated "Harry Potter and the Proteins of Power" was rejected by publishers.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Super Friends

Oh also, while I'm on a combo Batman/random ridiculousness theme (I know I know, when am I not?):

PS: If it's working as poorly on your computer as it is on mine, follow the link. It's worth it just for the spot on grating Christian Bale impersonation.

Is your shock bigger than a bread box?

Pleased as I am about last night there was one thing that genuinely gave me this expression:

You have to understand, I've been to this state on many occasions... I have relatives there... I've played more rounds of 20 Questions on the I-95 than is healthy... and this has completely blown my mind. I would have been less surprised if Texas had gone Democrat. I mean seriously, take the 460 west of Farmville.

I just had a disturbing thought: Virginia voted Democrat and Ontario voted Conservative.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

My Dark Night

I managed not to drink and blog last night, which was probably wise.

My camera was out of batteries, so here are two low-res webcam pictures of me fighting crime:

Personally I think that when you dress in costume you should commit to your character, and that's not just because I was a little disappointed that none of the Batmans would flirt with me. Mind you I did get my ass grabbed by the Riddler, so I guess it sort of evens out.


In other comic book related news:

Yes there's probably a version with bigger print somewhere else online. Consider it your mission Super Friend.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Air Canada Maple Leafs vs. the Molson Canadiens live tonight on Ford's Hockey Night in Canadian Tire

How could one single news article summarize everything that has come to disillusion me about the sport of hockey that I once loved so much that I cried when the Leafs lost the '93 series to LA?


NEW YORK - For the third straight year, the Toronto Maple Leafs are the NHL's most valuable team, worth US$448 million.

The Leafs increased in value by nine per cent and easily were valued ahead of the New York Rangers in Forbes' annual rankings. The Rangers are worth $411 million.

Third on the list were the Montreal Canadiens at $334 million, followed by the Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings ($303 million) and the Philadelphia Flyers ($275 million).

But the biggest increase in value was made by the Pittsburgh Penguins, who made the Stanley Cup finals last spring and boast stars Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. Pittsburgh is worth $195 million, up a whopping 26 per cent.

The next biggest gainers were the Calgary Flames, up 24 per cent to $203 million, and the Minnesota Wild, who improved 21 per cent and are worth $217 million.

The average team value was $220 million; by comparison, the average for NFL teams this season was $1 billion, according to Forbes.

At the bottom of the list were Columbus ($157 million), the New York Islanders ($154 million), and Phoenix ($142 million). The Coyotes were the only team to go down in worth, by three per cent.

Toronto also led the list with $160 million in revenues, followed by Montreal ($139 million) and the Rangers ($137 million).

Ominously, 12 teams showed a negative operating income, including the Flyers (minus $1.8 million), and Boston Bruins (minus $3 million) - both top 10 franchises in total value.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Funny but...

Uh-oh- I can't remember whether or not I've already put this up here. That's a little sad. Ah well. Enjoy (possibly again):

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Don't #*$& with Wendy Testiburger!

Watch the new South Park: The Breast Cancer Show Ever

Wendy's excellence in this episode has prompted me to create the following list in recognition of women you do not want to mess with.

Liz's Top 10 Kick Ass Female Characters:

(I have decided not to assign an order. Firstly I kept switching the order so many times it was getting ridiculous. I also did not want any kind of ordering system to take away from the awesomeness of each and every one of these rockin' ladies)

Leela, Futurama

"That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it."



"You poor guys, always confusing your pistols with your privates"

Tasha Yar, Star Trek TNG

"Is that the civilized word for 'murder' on this world?"

Wendy Testiburger, South Park

"I'm done."

Princess Leia, Star Wars Episode IV

"I'm surprised you had the courage to take responsibility yourself... the more you tighten your grip Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

Red Fraggle, Fraggle Rock

"What's dragon slaying got to do with violence?"

Molly Weasley, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Not my daughter you bitch!"

Celes Chere, Final Fantasy VI

"I'm a soldier, not some love-starved twit!"

Beatrix Kiddo, Kill Bill

"Wiggle your big toe"


I forgot one, but I'm not bumping anyone...

"... you look like a real prince, but Ronald you are a bum!"

Runners up include:

Rogue, X-Men The Animated Series
Goslin, Darkwing Duck
Batgirl, Batman The Animated Series
Schala/Kid, Chrono Trigger/Cross
Seven of Nine, Star Trek Voyager

Now THAT'S girl power.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Fantasy Honky

Alright, so I'm the spelling police too. This one definitely deserved it though.

In my online Hockey Pool there's this idiot whose team name is "Obama is a Terroist"

I couldn't take it any more. I emailed him today:

I don't want to trade with you, I just want to know if "Terroist" is referring to Obama's interest in the environment, or an ability to read Tarot cards that I'm not yet aware of.

Try spell check.

I think I'll defer to Mr. Anti-Anti-War Protester 2003 for this one:

PS: I think my short lived Fantasy Hockey career may be over. I have just recieved an email accusing me of being an "ignorant racist black" (and for the record I only used the word "honky" here on my blog where I assumed people would appreciate that it was meant to be a humourous dig). Still I would like to take this opportunity to deflect any further accusations of racism with the following picture of me and my white friend:

(PPS: I do not have photoshop, and quite frankly that's about how much patience I have with Paint. Anyone who wants to make it suck less, consider it my "Green Screen Challenge".)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Don't blame me, I voted for Kang

Every single election, it seems that there's only one Simpson's quote that can really sum up my feelings:

Le sigh.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Windows into my Thoughts

I've been thinking lately that my brain is a little like a computer with a single-core processor and a tiny hard drive that I try to use like a multi-core processor with a big hard drive. At least I have a lot of random access memory.

I made the following diagram ("I make a lot of graphs"), to illustrate what my brain would be like if it were a computer. This is of course just what it looks like when I'm sitting around drinking coffee or not paying attention in class. When I have other tasks... well that's when I start getting error messages and freezing up.

You can click on it for a larger view, as I'm sure you all want to.

(PS: First person to make USB or other port-related jokes is on time out)

Monday, October 06, 2008

Flow Chart

The last post I had up about Health Care and politics was so boring and depressing. This is depressing, but at least funny:

Don't worry, after the elections, the politicalness of my blog should decrease. Then I can go back to drunken rants and pretty pictures.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Hate to admit it...

As a Leafs fan, I haven't had a lot to celebrate in the world of hockey these days. But last year during the playoffs I developed a fondness for another team, the first non-Leaf team I've actually full out yelled at refs for/screamed loudly when they scored since the 97 Red Wings.

So you'll excuse me if I revel for a moment in Pittsburg's defeat of Ottawa.

In a way Toronto wins when Ottawa loses. I mean, not in a way that they actually accumulate points. If that were true I think Toronto would have a good shot at the playoffs this year.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Great Scott

My brother apparently hadn't been following the Canadian election gossip, and when I told him about Stephen Harper's comment about the arts he said the following:

"I'd say according to election turn-outs that most ordinary Canadians don't care about politics"


Maybe we should stop funding politicians! All they do is go to galas funded by tax-payer money and whine about issues no one cares about.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Jon

From a recent interview with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert in Entertainment Weekly:

Why do you think some people embraced her (Sarah Palin) as a folk hero?
STEWART: I keep hearing that she's ''like us.'' There's this idea that people who hunt and have ''good'' values are somehow this mythological American; I don't know who ''this'' person is, I've never met them. She is no more typical ''us'' than I am, than Obama is, than McCain is, than Mr. T is. If there is something quintessentially or authentically American about her, I sort of feel like, you know what? You ''good values people'' have had the country for eight years, and done an unbelievably s---ty job. Let's find some bad values people and give them a shot, maybe they'll have a better take on it.

I am seriously in love with this man.


Angelo posted a response from Margaret Atwood to Stephen Harper with regards to Harper's comments that "ordinary people" didn't care about the arts.

Read it if you haven't yet.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You Watched It, You Can't Un-Watch It

De Niro: It's too bad... the movie had so much potential.
Pacino: But who do you think killed it?
De Niro: There are too many suspects, it could have been anybody... the director, the writer, the production company...
Pacino: Isn't one of us gonna say it?
De Niro: (uncomfortable silence)
Pacino: It coulda been an actor.
De Niro: No way! It wasn't an actor!

Andrew: Maybe we should have seen Dark Knight again after all.
Evan: Maybe?!!

Sunday, September 21, 2008


Things I did this weekend:

1) Wrote an entire episode for an animated TV show that my brother and I are theoretically producing in our minds
2) Climbed a tree to get a miniature stuffed Rugby ball off of the top branch
3) Burned my bra
4) Sang the entire Flight of the Conchords album a cappella around a camp fire
5) Smoked a cigar (normally I don't like to smoke anything that's legal, but it was free. And you get what you pay for apparently.)
6) Four loads of laundry
7) Watched the SNL Sarah Palin/Hillary Clinton video on my laptop four times
8) Very very little homework.

Well at least I'm back in school mode.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


While I'm waxing political.

I tried to get a clip of this for last week. Instead you'll have to do with my transcript and photos.

Kyle: Will you shut up about 9/11?
Cartman: Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?
Kyle: Because anyone who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard.
Cartman: Oh well, did you know that over one fourth of people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy? Are you saying that one fourth of Americans are retards?
Kyle: Yes. I'm saying one fourth of Americans are retards.
Stan: Yeah at least one fourth.
Kyle: Let's take a test sample. There's four of us, you're a retard, that's one fourth.
Cartman: There are so many people who know the truth Kyle...

A Perfect Example

This is a perfect example of what's wrong with Canadian... oh let's say politics period.


Harper defends minister who made listeriosis jokes

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper came to the defence of Gerry Ritz on Thursday, a day after his agriculture minister came under fire for making jokes about the listeriosis outbreak that has been linked to the deaths of 17 Canadians.

While campaigning in the strategically vital province of Quebec, Harper called Ritz's comments ''completely inappropriate."

But Harper dismissed pressure from the Liberals for him to apologize personally on behalf of the government and fire Ritz, noting the minister had already offered his unreserved apologies.

"I think he’s been doing a good job on this file and applaud him for apologizing completely and forthrightly," Harper told reporters in Trois-Rivières.

The controversy again forced the Conservatives into damage control mode during their campaign for the Oct. 14 federal election after earlier gaffes by campaign staff threw the Tories off message.

The Canadian Press reported on Wednesday that Ritz made the controversial remarks at an August conference call with scientists, bureaucrats and political staff.

Fretting about the political dangers of the crisis, Ritz reportedly quipped: "This is like a death by a thousand cuts. Or should I say cold cuts."

When told about a new death in Prince Edward Island, Ritz said: "Please tell me it's [Liberal MP] Wayne Easter."

'Shows insensitivity to families'
Harper said Thursday that Ritz "was working very, very hard" at the time he made the comments.

"I think this story is obviously very embarrassing for him, very unfortunate," Harper said.

"But should not detract from the good work that he has done to get on top and understand this matter, to improve the system, and to communicate publicly with Canadians and to make sure that government officials are all doing their job."

Ritz had initially received praise during the crisis last month for immediately returning to Ottawa and handling the federal response, although opposition critics decried Health Minister Tony Clement's decision to remain in Denver for the U.S. Democratic national convention.

Easter, the Liberal agriculture critic, told CBC News Thursday morning that his party called for Ritz's resignation in September over his handling of the outbreak, not for his wisecracking.

Easter also called on Harper to apologize to families who have been affected by listeriosis.

The joke Ritz made about Easter is in keeping with "a pattern of the Harper government in which anyone who disagrees with them is going to be treated with disrespect and attacked," he said.

"But the real terrible point here is that this shows insensitivity to families who lost loved ones and to the seriousness of the issue itself."

etc etc etc....

Firstly, the "real terrible point" is not that this shows insensitivity. The real terrible point is that 17 Canadians are dead, including most recently an infant.Secondly, Stephen Harper is wrong. Gerry Ritz has not done a top job of anything. This crisis has been horribly bungled by the government and exposed a serious weakness in our public health system.

Not surprisingly the Liberals and Conservatives are too busy walking party lines to actually focus on what has gone wrong. People are dead, could we please stop arguing about whether or not it's OK to make classless jokes about it. Why our leaders in government continue to think that they can talk to large groups of people the way that they would to their drinking buddies is totally beyond me, but it really doesn't solve anything if that is all anyone focuses on.

I think in an alternate universe I could really like Jack Layton. He reminds me of the Lorax... all of the best intentions to protect people and look after the environment, but always very angry. I just don't honestly believe that the NDP could work with the Liberals or Conservatives to create the progressive government that Canadians want. They would spend just as much time arguing with the other parties as everyone else over whether or not we want to recognize Vegetarians as having their own culture, or if by meeting with the American President on Monday we will send a better message than if we meet with him on Tuesday.

We live in an incredibly wealthy country, there is no justification for child poverty, inadequet health care funding, homelessness, and an unreasonably inflated cost of post-secondary education. The issues that politians and the media continue to focus on are taking away from the real problems. There is an easy solution to the callous remarks made by Mr. Ritz. Fire him. There is not an easy solution to the Listeriosis outbreak, but I would feel a lot better if I felt like the people that I elected to represent me were worrying about how to improve the food safety system and not whether not it's OK to be an asshole while you're screwing up your job.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Only Once

I really can say without bias that Only (the film my brother was in/PA for) was excellent. It featured two totally outstanding performances, a very well written script and a really touching story.

It did an absolutely lovely job capturing the feeling of being 12 in a small town and feeling isolated and unsure. It's ironic that my Mom (who occasionally has trouble keeping names straight) kept calling it "Once" when talking about us all going to see it. It actually has a very similar effect and (like Once) uses music in a really interesting way to illustrate the friendship of this young boy and girl.

I'll let people know if/when it has a DVD or (fingers crossed) theatrical release.

Back to Peterborough and class tomorrow... today? I can't even tell.

Doesn't matter, because the 3hrs sleep:72hrs was totally worth it to be back at work. Highlight of the weekend: the little guy I was working with and I building a series of ramps for the toy cars we were racing... made out of the clip boards with the charts on them. If those clip boards are for writing care plan information and not for jumping cars off of, I don't want to know about it.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Back Online

I am now online! I've made the great leap into 1995. Did you know that the vast majority of people in my Nursing class were 5 then? They were in grade 6 seven years ago today. That is a generational gap. At least there are quite a few people in my seminar group who are in the 24-30 age range. While I don't dismiss the possibility that I could get along with anyone younger than me, at least I won't be in the awkward position of explaining was OAC means.

As far as anything else goes, I am really enjoying Peterborough, but I am kind of excited to go home this weekend. Besides seeing my brother's film in the film festival, I am back to work! Yesssss :D

I'm a huge nerd.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Read the last line of the article

This article was on and I thought it was amusing. Don't get so angry, or so impressed with yourself that you don't read the last line of the article where the truth (of music 'genre-ing' and this study and these stereotypes) truly lies.

Musical tastes in tune with who you are
CBC News

Fans of heavy metal music are gentle, creative people who are at ease with themselves, which makes them very similar to fans of classical music.

That's the finding of a new study at Scotland's Heriot-Watt University of the link between peoples' personalities and their choice of music.

Adrian North, the professor behind the study, said he was surprised at the similarities between fans of classical music and heavy metal, especially their creativity and generally shy natures.

"The general public has held a stereotype of heavy metal fans being suicidally depressed and of being a danger to themselves and society in general. But they are quite delicate things," he said in an interview with the BBC.

North suggests that music lovers tend to identify with the characteristics of the music itself.

"We think, what we think the answer is, that both types of music, classical and heavy metal, both have something of the spiritual about them — they're very dramatic — a lot happens."

The study of more than 36,000 people from six different countries found that people had more in common with fans of their favourite music in other countries than they had with fellow citizens who preferred different styles of music.

North describes it as a new kind of tribalism, based on musical taste.

"We have always suspected a link between music taste and personality," North said.

"This is the first time that we've been able to look at it in real detail. No one has ever done this on this scale before."

Jazz fans tend to be creative and outgoing, with high self-esteem, in keeping with the innovative and sociable nature of the music.

Country western fans were found to be hard-working, but introverted, fitting with the blue-collar image of country music.

The research concluded soul music lovers are a well-rounded bunch — creative, outgoing, gentle, at ease with themselves and with high self-esteem.

Rap fans are outgoing and far from gentle, while indie music lovers lack both self-esteem and the work ethic. (aha ha ahhahahah damnit)

"Researchers have been showing for decades that fans of rock and rap are rebellious, and that fans of opera are wealthy and well-educated," North said.

He also made a link between income bracket and musical tastes, with more affluent consumers liking more exciting, punchy music while those lower down the pay scale preferring more relaxing sounds.

North said his research might have applications in commercial marketing of music.

Thursday, September 04, 2008


Someday I will have the internet... right now I'm on at an internet/gaming cafe on Water Street. It's actually a pretty cool place, but given that I get to use the internet for free, I will try to keep this short.

I'll be back... I promise!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

New Lappy!

It's me on my new lap top! Yessssss

Behold my now superior computing in all its glory. While this will have no effect on you, the audience of my blog, it will have a tremendous effect on me (and my cheque book).

After discovering that I couldn't use spaces or apostrophes in my computing name I have gone with ProfessorPlum because of it's plum purple colour and Doctorate in semi-sweet fruit.


Monday, August 25, 2008


It's a beautiful Monday afternoon, I am off from work and I am supposed to be packing. I am, however, allotting myself some time to compose this post that has been several months in creation. Normally my writing here is... gosh let's say goofy at best, banal at worst.
This will hopefully raise the bar just a touch.

Two years ago I stopped going to church altogether (apart from Christmas to humour my mother). Now I'd been going less frequently as a general rule because of school and lack of interest for sometime, but I actually finally came to the conclusion two years ago that I was not even comfortable going to church anymore. I decided to get to the bottom of why.

In recent years the Anglican church (the one I was born and raised in) has made great strides: blessing same sex-marriages being a big one in my books, and I am inclined to go and support them for that reason alone. While I've never been a fundamentalist, I've never had any problem with the core teaching of the church: that there is a greater (for lack of a better word) spirit that resides in everything in this world and beyond linking us together as one, and that we should all treat each other as we would like to be treated. "On these two commandments hang all of the laws and the covenants."
I guess I'm not sure, but I don't really think that Jesus was actually a real guy, but I don't think that that's the point (as much as people make it out to be, anyways). The point is the story, and Christ represents someone who stood up against the oppression of the innocent, protected the sick and the poor and healed the wounded, and said not to judge people unless you'd like to get judged yourself.
I think that in the story when He says "I am the way" He doesn't mean, "Believe in me and you'll go to heaven", he means "Do what I'm doing, spread the message of peace and love and look after people who need it". By and large, I think that most Christians probably believe at least that much.

What has happened (takes a deep breath for the plunge) is that for thousands of years people have committed atrocities in the name of God and Christ. People have used the bible to oppress others, to hurt other human beings and to justify their own acts for their own ends.
In recent years we've had a man in the White House and a country full of evangelical Christians touting their political, war mongering agenda in the name of God and Christ. They claim moral superiority and use God as a means to justify their political positioning, bigotry and just about everything from oppression of the weak, to an absolute refusal to take care of the poor and sick. There is a divide in their country and many others between (sorry for the "liberal bias" here)"Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists" and everyone else. "You're either with us or against us", well sorry, but I guess I'm against you, because if God is the way you say "He" is, then I hope I go to hell.

It has gotten to the point that I am uncomfortable saying "praise God" because of all that that seems to imply. I shouldn't feel uncomfortable with the idea of God or Christ or the Holy Spirit, in essence there's nothing about them to make me feel uncomfortable. One of my all time favourite parts of the church service used to be "and he whom the spirit lights give light to the world". It's an absolutely beautiful thought if you think about it... the idea of this light that shines in each one of us with the potential for goodness and love that we can share with the rest of humanity. I am actually getting down right angry that anyone could ruin this for me. And then I had a realization (with a little help from Scott).

III: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

Maybe we've mistook one of the commandments. "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain". What if saying "God damn it" isn't taking the Lord's name in vain? What if dropping bombs on a country, killing and mutilating its population and then saying that God told you to do it is taking the Lord's name in vain? What if saying "God hates gays" is taking the Lord's name in vain? What if telling people that "if you just pray to Jesus all of your problems will go away" is taking the Lord's name in vain?
I suddenly had a new appreciation for this commandment.

My idea of God, Christ, the Spirit and what that all means is always changing. Maybe some day I'll feel the need to go back to church to reconnect with the history and ritual, but for now I think its best left to books and an attempt to treat other people the way I'd like them to treat me and, if I can, it's time to stop letting the powers that be ruin a perfectly good bit of spirituality that could make me feel deeply connected, instead of divided.

Peace be with you :)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"Are you a fan of joy?"

Totally awesome, but as Andrew said "as opposed to the nights when it's a bad setlist?"

Cat's In The Well

It Ain't Me, Babe

Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again (Close second for favourite)

Girl From The North Country

High Water (for Charlie Patton)

Just Like A Woman (Kind of funky, possibly better than album version)

Rollin' And Tumblin'

Tryin' To Get To Heaven

Highway 61 Revisited (Personal Favourite of the night)


It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) (Point at which I couldn't help wondering if those giant "incense" blowing smoke machines were in fact only that. We were pretty much on the verge of being hot-boxed and as far as I could tell no one around us was lit up)

When the Deal Goes Down

Thunder On The Mountain (Point at which the dude behind had most clearly come to enjoy his LSD and began manic nerdy dancing)

Ain't Talkin'

Like A Rolling Stone

All Along The Watchtower
(Just plain brilliant.)

To be fair, he probably could have played All Along the Watchtower on the Kazoo and I would have thought it was brilliant.

OK, I'm having all sort of video problems apparently, so I'll work on fixing them and get back to y'all real soon.

PS: Yes that is his Oscar that you can make out faintly on stage with him.

"He got the Oscar for best original song for the movie Wonder Boys for 'Things Have Changed', and anyone who didn't know that has to move down one seat so that I can get closer to the centre of the stage." - me

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Calm Blue Ocean...

Last Friday I came home after a long, agonizing day at work followed by a two hour drive home on the QEW/403.

I might have slightly over-reacted to the news of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince's release date getting moved to next July.

I'm pretty sure the only poor muggle I tortured into madness was my brother.


In SLIGHTLY less geeky news, I bought a new computer. I was going to wait until I got it to do my first blog from the new lappy, but it won't ship until September and I can't wait that long.

It is a lap top with a 17" screen. I am calling it Liz's BFC.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Brenda and Brian's Wedding

My Aunt Bev and Uncle John. John has now married/reaffirmed vows for my mother and both of her sisters. Quite frankly I'm pretty sure he would have done his own wedding ceremony to my Aunt Bev if he could have.

You can't really see in this picture, but if you look across the lake you can see Toronto from the shore of Lake Ontario in St Catharines. It was a bit cloudy but the weather held out JUST long enough for us to get family pictures and race inside for the reception.

The ceremony had a traditional celtic theme. That's right, not only did we welcome Brian into our family, we also turned him into a Scotsman!The blancmanges have attacked!
My Aunt is radiant, and (amazingly) in this picture not crying.

Brian and Brenda decided not to have people throw confetti, but to blow bubbles instead when they were pronounced. This of course gave my family the opportunity to play all night.

My brother and father looking less goofy than usual. My Dad has kept up the Scottish/Celtic theme, sporting the Buchanan dress tartan.
My Aunt and now Uncle are off to London, followed by Italy. Brian told me on my way out, "we'll be sure to do EVERYTHING theatry while we're there". I think I gave them exactly the same face as my mother is giving right here:

I am very sad not to have a picture of the toast I gave Brian to welcome him to the family. By which I of course mean the actual physical piece of toast that I gave him that said "Welcome Brian".
I hope no one ate it.

An exerpt from Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom

In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul, and cara is the word for friend. So anam cara is the word for soul-friend. It is originally referred to as someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the anam cara you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the "friend of your soul."
The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This soul-bond awakens and fosters a deep and special recognition and belonging. In the warmth of the love of a true soul-friend, the soul can be itself. The love is the source, centre and destiny of experience. Real love is not manufactured or achieved by the act of will or intention, but rather as an act of recognition.
In everyone's life there is a great need for an anam cara. In this love you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. Love allows understanding to dawn and understanding is precious. When you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul. May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your Anam Cara.