The DaVinci Codex

I have made a startling discovery. While many are now aware of the new theories surrounding the "Quest for the Holy Grail" (that being; that the incorrect interpretation of sangrail "san grail" is not actually meant "holy grail" but "sang rail" or "royal blood"). A similiar revelation has come forth about the online community and the quest for the holy website.

For years now we, in the online community, have been striving to create websites that are entertaining, funny, perhaps informative, but we have been lead astray. You see the ancient term WEBLOG has been misinterpretted now for many years to mean "we blog". Thus suggesting that in order to achieve the truly enlightened web page we must all create blogs.
I however, see another interpretation: Web log.

Does it make a difference? Whether you're keeping a blog or a log (as in a diary or record of your day to day activities?)

Well let me ask you this: blog and borg sound pretty similar, while Captain Picard keeps a Captain's Log. So who's side are you on? Captain Picard's or the borg's?

I rest my case.

JUDGE: You rest your case?
LIONEL HUTZ: Oh, no I just thought that was a figure of speech. Case closed.



Simpsons's trivia for the day:

Why does Judge Snider "have it in" for Lionel Hutz?

Live from York

When I work 8-4s at ErinOak I usually have to get my butt out of bed at around 6 in the morning. So what, you might ask, would possess me to stay up until 1 on Saturday night when I was in the midst of these early shifts?





So worth it.


Although, I suppose I have just provided evidence that it was not, as I could simply have waited 2 days and seen it on YouTube.

Damnit.



*************************

Also for anyone who didn't get to go the screening:



Did you see me? If not, it's obviously because I was so "there" that you didn't even realize it was me. Either that or you need to go back to the last 20 seconds or so of the clip and look in the bottom right hand corner of the screen and kind of re-focus your eyes a little.

I can't sleep and here's what I think 1: Qui'gon and the Menace

I think I might be mentally disturbed. Allow me to explain.

I have a thing for men doing a really good job at acting. This has to be my nerdiest turn on. I can see an actor do any number of movies and think nothing of him (in terms of physical attractiveness), but if he delivers a particularly impressive performance I'm suddenly drawn in by something a little more. My classic example is Willem Dafoe. Not perhaps a typical Hollywood hunk, and yet when I watched American Psycho it was not Christian Bale I was checking out.
I say this, not because anyone wants to know about my (no longer secret) crush on Willem Dafoe. In fact I'm sure that's information everyone could have lived without. I am simply trying to explain my next, far more peculiar confession.

You see I have just finished watching Schindler's List for the first time. Now really I can't imagine who watches Schindler's List more than once apart from a few characters in the second part of "The Raincoats" episode of Seinfeld. Which brings me to my revelation. I am really attracted to Ralph Fienne's ability to act. And anyone who watches Schindler's List and thinks "Gee I think I'd really like to have sex with Ralph Fiennes" is probably emotionally disturbed.

Actually, I think that's far less disturbing than what I found out later on ImdB. Fiennes did not get the Best Supporting Oscar that year. After expressing a 14 year late outrage at this fact I amused myself with images of the audience reacting to "And the winner is Tommy Lee Jones, The Fugitive" that night in the Kodak theatre.

It's getting late. I should try to sleep again. Or at least do something more useful than this.

That paper-clip necklace I was working on is more useful than this.

PS: Anyone who "gets" my title, not only gets 300 Liz Points for reading my blog regularly enough to pick up on my reference to my "I've Been Drinking and Here's What I Think" series (a literary masterpiece in the making), but is also nerdy enough to notice that all of them (save the first two) played on the titles of Star Wars Movies. You'll find Liz Points have very little commercial value, but I hope you enjoy them.

The Time (wasting) Machine

Childish as this is, I have a new toy. There's a site on the internet that will generate quotes from Shakepeare with whatever word you happen to type in. For example, if someone were to type in "refriderator" and the generator came up with "To be or not to be, that is the ********" then the quote is: To be or not to be, that is the refridgerator". Some favourites included:

"Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your iPod"
"For never was a story of more woe, than that of Juliet and her Liz" (a little bit of a twist ending there I'd say!)
and then of course with other random literary and film characters:
"Life's but a walking hobbit"
"The quality of mercy is not strained, it droppeth as the gentle Ewok from heaven upon the place beneath."

But this one required some evidence. For those who are fans of the "Penis Movie Game", I know you'll enjoy my total lack of maturity. Even if no one else will.

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts! Unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top full
Of direst penis.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes:

Although I should tell you that the first time I hit the button it came out with "Out damned penis! Out I say!" A close second.

In here life is beautiful

My favourite piece of mail of the year has arrived. The 2008 Stratford Festival guide came today and I could not be more excited.

At first glance ummm- well actually:

Festival Theatre:
Romeo and Juliet
Hamlet
Taming of the Shrew
All's Well That Ends Well
Caesar and Cleopatra (no not a typo- it's Shaw's play)

seriously?? I was on the verge of angry rebellion. A new artistic director and their first instinct was to pick the 3 most performed and run into the ground Shakespeare's- but oh wait!

Juliet ,and it appears her entire family, are played by african-canadian actors. Cool. I dig this for two reasons: 1) It brings a different angle to the classic story, that while I'm sure it's been done somewhere else before is fresh to me and is a good idea. 2) I once watched a Shakespeare Master's class tape in my Acting II where two students performed a soliloquy of Lady MacBeth's. Everyone agreed that the second girl (the black actress) performed considerably better than the first girl (the white actress). My immediate impression was, well that's no surprise. Because I'd wager a guess that she's had to work a whole lot harder to prove herself in the world of classical theatre which is traditionally dominated by white actors. Seeing Stratford make an effort to break from this tradition is at least a step forward.

Next up: Hamlet- Alright, truthfully I am going to see this regardless of... well anything. I love Hamlet and to see it done professionally at the leading North American classical theatre venue is reason enough to shell out the dough.

Taming of the Shrew- I will probably not touch with a ten foot pole, but I will assure you, it is not set in the wild wild west.

This year's best surprise for me however came in the form of its musical. I generally don't like musicals, especially at Stratford, but this year they will be doing Cabaret. Probably my favourite musical (putting aside my desire to see Avenue Q).

There is also a production of Trojan Women (which I am interested to see having been in a- ahem interesting production myself), Krapp's Last Tape, performed by Brian Dennehy (not to be confused with Brian Boytano), and a new experimental show called Shakespeare's Universe which is an interdisciplinary look at female roles in Shakespeare's plays. All in all I am assuming that this will take about a week to see everything and cost me roughly a billion dollars.

Thrift, thrift Horatio...

Back to the Futurama

Ok, I've been laughing outloud uncontrollably for 10 minutes.

Of the new Futurama DVD coming out at the end of the month David X Cohen says:

"While we're on the subject of additional content, sort of, I should elaborate on the DVD bonus features, because these have been little publicized even though we worked quite hard on them. So here they are...

A full-length 22-minute episode of "Everybody Loves Hypnotoad"..."

When I regained the ability to sit up straight, but still continued to giggle heartily I further read:

"Let me say to any hardcore fans out there who know what I'm talking about that there is slightly more to this than you'd expect. I am pretty interested to see how fans react to this one. I'd estimate that approximately 4% of viewers will consider this the greatest achievement in the history of mankind; the other 96% may experience emotions ranging from fear to confusion to discomfort and itchiness."

I can only tell you that I'm in that 4% having not even seen it yet. I am positive that it is the greatest achievement in the history of mankind. Long live the hypnotoad!

Hmmmm


I feel like I was supposed to remember something...















BART: Is it Guy Fawkes Day?

Candy Apple

I know some people really like their iPods, but this is ridiculous:



I also highly recommend this 3 part South Park episode Imaginationland. It's fantastic. In every sense of the word.

Bookbook

I have joined an online community called the Chapters.ca book club. Basically I go online and create a profile with my favourite books, list books that I'm reading, recommend books to others... it's basically Facebook with literature.

Which I guess would make it Bookbook.

In other news, I am off to see the Leafs tomorrow night with my brother. I can only hope that we maintain a greater level of maturity than with our recent outing to the Hamilton Bulldogs.

ANNOUNCER: Fans are reminded to watch for pucks flying into the crowd during play.
ME (looking around at the nearly empty arena): Really, the odds of a puck flying into the stands and actually hitting anyone has to be astronomical.

Best video ever. (like anyone could even know that)

Because I and I alone can harvest the power of the youtube, it is of course my duty to share EVERY cool video I come across.





Well OK, "cool" might be pushing it. Actually Scott recently got me really huge on using the word "cool":


ME: I want the Special Limitted Edition with deleted scenes and commentary and special features. It's going to be SO COOL-

SCOTT (in his best Intiago Montoya (sp?) of Princess Bride voice): You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Well played sir. Well played.

Speaking of Morgan Freeman Narrating Movies...

This might not be the best 30 Second Bunny Theatre but it has amused me the most of all.



They're dressed as Penguins! YES!

"You Either Get Busy Talking, or You Get Busy Dying" (Morgan Freeman in "The Narrator")

OK, fine. I accept that I am the only person on earth who didn't like this movie.

But hopefully I'm not the only person amused by this.

The Fesserton Precast

So here's the reason no one got calls or emails:

I didn't get into Second City.

I suppose I've just been on such a high note lately that I didn't really do much of a job bracing myself for this, and I was reasonably confident that I could get in.

Now I like to think of myself as being a reasonably good sport about this stuff. I mean I let it devastate me and I've been known to accuse (within a small circle of friends) the odd director of precasting, but I try not to delude myself into believing that I was somehow cheated out of my glory. And believe me, I am certain that the others who were selected were completely deserving of their place and I do not think that the Second City will forever be robbed of my remarkable presence :p

But... hmmmm here's the thing...

"Your audition was excellent, and you have a very good variety of theatre experience, but here are our recommendations before you audition for us again: take one of OUR courses. We have several levels and recommend that you begin with level A. We still have spaces open to register for the upcoming term if you like..."

The thing is, my Dad knows this woman who went through the A-E levels at Second City. Now my Dad tends to be absent-minded about what I've done sometimes, even when he's trying to promote it (ie: "Well you've got three summers experience with Easter Seals..." "Five Dad"). Based on what my Dad was telling her, and I'm assuming he didn't exaggerate anything, she said that I would most likely be able to skip the first few levels of the program. So I can't help but feel that I was not being given an accurate assessment of my skills, but rather being set up for a cash-grab.
Maybe I am just bitter about it, but fuck it. At least I'm not sitting around in a bar or treating myself to DQ with tears streaming down my face (thank you very much York U). Hm... I think I just figured out why I've been putting on so much weight...

Professional Camp Counselor!

Howdy all, just a little note to keep everyone up to date:

I got a job I had been pretty keen about as a Program Assistant for the ErinOak Kids Respite programs in (as the name thus implies) Mississauga and Oakville. I start training this weekend, and am extremely psyched.

I also had an audition today for Second City, I will update if I get any good news from them.

Otherwise, just get ready to get really sick of my respite "camp" stories.

Happy Banned Books Week!

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ~Voltaire

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

Everyone's job for the week: read one book that has been banned or is being/has been recently challenged.

"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them." - Ray Bradbury

Top Ten Banned Books for the 20th Century.
I'm actually not SURE how accurate this list is. I couldn't get any data from the ALA, but I have cross checked with a couple of sites and this SEEMS to be the most accurate list:

1984
The Catcher in the Rye
Fahrenheit 451 (seriously?)
The Grapes of Wrath
Lady Chatterly's Lover
The Naked Lunch
Slaughterhouse 5
To Kill A Mockingbird
Tropic of Cancer
Ulysses

The reasons are always varied and hillarious.

I really enjoyed one story in particular of a group of school children receiving copies of Fahrenheit 451 with the words "hell" and "damn" blacked out.
My favourite reason for banning/challenging 1984 continues to be "pro-communist views". Have you even read...

Rose Darko: Do you even know who Graham Greene is?
Kitty Farmer: I think we've all seen Bonanza.

The best story of a book not on the list:

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl. Anne Frank. Modern Library. Challenged in Wise County, Va. (1982) due to "sexually offensive" passages. Four members of the Alabama State Textbook Committee (1983) called for the rejection of this book because it is a "real downer".

I've yet to find a rencent challenge in Canada that has lead to a ban. Does anyone know of any?



A challenge is an attempt to remove or restrict materials, based upon the objections of a person or group. A banning is the removal of those materials. Challenges do not simply involve a person expressing a point of view; rather, they are an attempt to remove material from the curriculum or library, thereby restricting the access of others.
- The American Library Association

Most challenged books of 21st Century (2000-2005 seems to be most recent data):
(from the American Library Association)

1. Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

2. "The Chocolate War" by Robert Cormier

3. Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

4. "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck

5. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou

6. "Fallen Angels" by Walter Dean Myers

7. "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris

8. Scary Stories series by Alvin Schwartz

9. Captain Underpants series by Dav Pilkey

10. "Forever" by Judy Blume


Something tells me that a good many of these books/authors are still high on this list.


"Oh Harry, don't you see?" Hermione breathed, "If she could have done one thing to make sure that absolutely every single person in this school will read your interview, it was banning it."

The Nightmare Before Halloween

Let me know if you think that this is just a touch strange:


VAUGHAN, Ont. - Nine mazes, 300 monsters, chilling rides and other attractions will transform Canada's Wonderland into a dark playground of terror on weekend evenings leading up to Halloween.


THE CANADIAN PRESS


The Halloween Haunt gates creak open every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night in October and on Halloween from 7 p.m. to midnight.

Guests are cautioned not to attend the event in costume. Because of the fear factor, it is not recommended for children.

Halloween Haunt ticket prices are $26.95 online and $21.95 for season pass holders online.

For more information, visit haunt.Canadaswonderland.com.

List Maker

My Top 10 Favourite Movie Scenes

10. Being John Malkovich- The three sit on a couch and Lotte and Craig both make a movie for Maxine

I just thoroughly enjoy the build-up and her reaction. My first in a line of many enjoyable Catharine Keener movie moments.

9. American Beauty- "It's just a couch"

I keep throwing cushions and yelling "these are just things" when my Mom tells me to be more careful with my coffee around her new carpets and furniture. She is not amused.

8. The Empire Strikes Back- Yoda lifts Luke's ship out of the swamp

Look at me, judge me by my size do you? *I've decided that this is also inclusive of the next two seconds of the following scene "Apology accepted".

7. Dr. Strangelove (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb)- The final scene

This was probably one of the best laughs I've ever had. Even if I knew what was coming as a result of watching Homer Simpson break the rules by riding the bomb.

6. Spiderman- The Green Goblin realizes that Peter Parker is Spiderman

I heart Willem Dafoe, so it could be just that he can do anything, including cartoonish villainy and still have me totally impressed. He is just so damn evil in this scene and I LOVE it.

5. The Usual Suspects

Anyone who has seen the movie knows which scene. Anyone who hasn't, I will be giving too much away by giving anymore information. Also go see it. Now.

4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire- The Graveyard

This is probably the reason I got so into the books this summer, just in time for 7. By the time I had seen this scene I had read up to book 6, and I am of course an adult, who ought not to be scared by children's movies. I spent the whole scene chewing my nails convinced I'd have nightmares.

3. The Meaning of Life- John Clease's Sex Ed Lesson

I do wish you'd listen, Wymer. It's perfectly simple. If you're not getting your hair cut, you don't have to move your brother's clothes down to the lower peg. You simply collect his notes before lunch, after you've done your scripture prep, when you've written your letter home, before rest, move your own clothes onto the lower peg, greet the visitors, and report to Mr. Viney that you've had your chit signed.

2. City Lights- The blind girl's vision is restored

I don't think an explanation is needed.

1. Big Fish- Edward Bloom falls in love

OK, so technically this "scene" lasts 30 minutes and takes up a huge amount of the movie. Still, I maintain that I Liz Buchanan also like Daffodils and music and am going college. Someday Ewan...


Honourable mentions go to: the scene in Bubba Ho-Tep where JFK explains to Elvis how he survived, the fight in Kill Bill between Elle and Beatrix and the scene with the missle in The Iron Giant (which never fails to make me cry).



10 Worst Movies I've ever been made to see and who I blame for inflicting that on me.


10. Under Seige (a bus full of Leafs fans, whose good taste ended there)
9. Sorority House Massacre (Becky)
8. Mrs Brown (Queen Victoria)
7. Red Zone Cuba (Mike Nelson and the creators of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, who to their credit, made the experience a lot less painful)
6. Mars Attacks (Auntie Brenda?)
5. Topsy Turvy (The Academy)
4. Paulie (Greyhound Canada)
3. Dude, Where's My Car? (Tammy)
2. Death of a President (I have only myself to blame. Shame on me. Sorry Andrew)
1. The Fast and the Furious (Caroline)

Nuit Blanche

In past 24ish hours my friend Emily and I have gotten up to some pretty crazy hi-jinx.


1) Second City Toronto's Facebook of Revelations

***.5/*****

Very very funny. Opens with a bang by previewing another Toronto area theatre production (from the producers that brought you Mama Mia, We Will Rock You and Dirty Dancing) "Safe Bet: The Musical". And is followed by Canada's finest sketch comedy. The energy stays consistent through the first half and most of the second half of the show and I had quite a few good healthy gut laughs.
While I don't recommend staying for the *cough* *ahem* "improv" the show itself is very enjoyable. You almost feel like SNL could still be saved.


2. The Royal Ontario Museum
****/*****

Apart from making a point not to visit the paper-weights exhibit we took in the vast majority of the ROM. I think I had forgotten just how much fun this place was:


The new "Crystal Age" entrance way and exhibit




The ceiling in the corridor of the "Staircase of Wonders". Yes, that's really what it's called.




I thouhgt this wall was pretty cool, but I think that the lack of flash did diminish it a touch



This next photo may be a little disturbing to some people, but it's too cool not to include. So, in an attempt not to expose anyone's fears on the world wide web, let me just say that Indiana Jones, Adam and Eve, Gryffindor House and anyone else who might have some a distaste for snakes should probably brace themselves.





OK, so you can kind of tell that it's fake. But it still looks pretty scary at first... er maybe just in person.


3. Eastern Promises at Rainbow Cinemas, Market Square
****/*****

Excellent movie, directed by David Cronenberg and starring Viggo Mortensen and Naiomi Watts. I was thoroughly impressed, and with the exception of a scene of graphic violence that actually moved me to laughter (because when it gets that disturbing what the hell else can you do?) the movie held together very strongly. It managed to create an very strong ambiance without sacrificing the pace, and there were a number of nice twists worked in to the plot to keep it exciting right to the end. Very highly recommended.


4. Nuit Blanche
*****/*****
After Emily borded her bus to return to KW, I headed back home, only to make the mistake/starting the exciting adventure of taking the streetcar down Queen St. Tonight is an event in Toronto called Nuit Blanche. Basically a whole bunch of art galleries and club are having all night events featuring art and music throughout the city. Queen is of course the craziest of it all, and it was literally bumper to bumper with people lining the streets. Naturally I got out to investigate, but found that there was just so much of being in a crowd that huge that I could take before I went nuts. I seriously think that the entire population of Toronto was in the streets tonight partying. There were drum circles, street dances, random video kareoke parties outside, performance art pieces on the sidewalk, illuminated art in the park. I think I had censory overload or else I would still be there right now.

Hmmm maybe I'll go back later...

Tedious Endless School and Learning

The most important thing I learned in class today: I'm not the only person who really isn't enjoying TESL.

You might think that a Theatre major would love to sit around in a class and talk about feelings and life experiences and debate whether or not the verb "to love" is an action verb on the basis of one's own comprehension of the word love. The truth is I do not. When it comes to school I enjoy concrete ideas, or at least discussions of abstract ideas within an academic context. Otherwise I'm left saying, as any English prof will... "SO WHAT?" So what's the point?

OK great, when you were growing up in another country and had to learn English you struggled with the grammar. That's a good experience to bring to the class, but now let's get critical about it. WHY? HOW did you learn it? WHAT would you do differently? Don't just tell me about your suffering, let's talk about it in a context that is applicable to the course. OK, so your niece said something cute the other day and that kind of loosely relates to First Language Aquisition theories... HOW? I am beginning to understand why a lot of companies will hire you on to go to Japan and give you crash courses in TEFL in two weeks.

Ricky Gervais has done it again

Okay, so I had seen a couple of clips from a strange show called "Extras" on youtube, and then last night I saw two episodes I'd seen get nominated for Emmys. I found myself cheering for a TV show I barely knew, and decided to get better acquainted with this wonderful program.

My favourite going in was this fantastic scene in which Sir Ian McKellan explains why he's such a good actor:




Also on youtube and highly recommended: Orlando Bloom makes his case for why he's obviously better looking and more popular than Johnny Depp, Daniel Radcliff makes it clear that he does not need glasses and is not still a virgin, Kate Winslet gives advice on how to conduct yourself during phone sex while wearing a nun's habit, and Patrick Stewart exclaims "You're not married, you don't have a girlfriend... and you don't watch Star Trek?"

Have I sold you yet? Go! Go!