Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Blog Therapy II

I have trusted a known compulsive liar with information closest to my heart, yet I cannot trust my friends, family or significant others when they say that they love me.

I don't fear abandonment. I assume it.

I have been meaning to do this for a long time. And some one else needs to hear this to help make it real.

C J: You taught me what it is to have a broken heart. You still have not apologized. You were my best friend for the toughest years of school, through awkward tween-dom into adolesence. You were the first friend that I felt I could talk to about anything and not be judged. I thought that you might be one of the only people who had ever really understood me. You took me out on my first date. When you moved away from Cayuga you promised that we would always stay friends, and even wrote "To Liz, my bestest friend for ever, love Chris" on a picture that I still have.

You made a promise that you could not keep.

I guess that's what I've always believed: that no one can really keep that promise. And so I have never trusted anyone to love me that does not constantly reaffirm it. It has screwed with my relationships and friendships for WAY too long. It ends now. You were an asshole. You lied. But, even though you've never asked for it: I forgive you. Because I'm over it.

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