Can't Believe Anyone Else Ever Watched This...

Speaking of BAD 80s-90s cartoons. My free time has been invaded by Cracked a fantastically funny website of lists. One of the lists I was reading was "The 10 Most Disastrous Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptations". I'm not so much shocked to find this on the list as I am to find that a) it is not #1, b) anyone other than me and my brother ever even saw this:


#4.ProStars



"Based On:
The most famous athletes in each of the three major sports: Michael Jordan (Basketball) and Bo Jackson (Football, Baseball). Also, a white guy named Wayne who plays something called hockey.

Sucked Because:
It squandered a pretty decent premise: famous athletes using their almost superhero-like athletic abilities to fight crime. Unfortunately, it's unclear if the the shows creators even knew who the three athletes were, or if they'd ever watched sports before.

Gretzky' character spends most of his time talking about how hungry he is, and acting like a general retard. He is mostly used as the outfit' comic relief, because when it comes to using sports to fight crime, the guy who glides around with blades on his feet, deftly wielding a sword-like stick is only good for a few chuckles. Meanwhile, Bo Jackson' character was the Incredible Hulk with a fade, an angry grunting behemoth who rumbled around like a bulldozer, ignoring the fact that Jackson was one of the fastest, most graceful athletes in professional sports.

But the biggest failure is the show's inexplicable treatment of the biggest star of the three: Michael Jordan. The obvious move would have been to turn him into a cross between Stretch Armstrong and a Gummy Bear, capable of using his leaping ability and lanky finesse to fuck up some super villains. Instead, Jordan' character fights crime using hi-tech gizmos some random Yiddish-speaking lady gives him. It didn't even matter that he was Michael Jordan! Kurt Rambis could have been awesome with all the weapons and gadgets that Jewish lady was always giving MJ. Instead of focusing on his other-worldly athleticism, the show made the greatest athlete in the world into a cross between The Hebrew Hammer and Data from Goonies.

Evidence from the Title Sequence:
The coolest moments in the intro are the highlights of Jackson and Jordan from the real world. While cartoon Bo uses a tree to kill some guy driving a tractor, it' nothing compared to his real world gravity-defying wall run. And Jordan flying through the air dunking on Lakers is way cooler than his cartoon highlight, in which he needs rocket-shoes to save a child from a burning building. Rocket shoes? Really? If Carl Lewis was one of the ProStars they probably would have given him a Segway."






I would like to point out two things that I don't remember from watching the cartoon that the opening sequence has reminded me of:

1) They slept in lockers
2) The 80s-90s obligatory "save the environment in the least peaceful way imaginable" episode.

Alright!

My friend Jay had a total of two impersonations (at least that I ever heard). One was Louie Anderson. The other was me.





In my defense people SHOULD be quiet while I'm trying to do work in Science class.

Hey wait, I do have a forum...

I know that this blog is largely ridiculous, but I thought I would try to make some effort tonight to do some very small good with it.

If you're feeling charitable at the moment or looking for a Christmas goodwill project, I would like to advocate for Mac Kids and the Canadian MPS Society.


MPS (Musopolysaccharidos) is an inherited, degenerative disorder caused by enzyme deficiencies. Affected individuals lack the necissary enzymes for normal cell degradation and recycling, substances store throughout their bodies, causing progressive damage to their hearts, bones, joints, respiratory systems and central nervous systems.


From the Canadian MPS Society:


"An MPS baby appears normal at birth and seems to develop normally for about the first year or more depending on which MPS type the child is affected with. The first signs can vary and are evident at different ages in affected children. Symptoms that usually prompt medical attention are ear infections, runny noses and colds.

The mucopolysaccharide storage disorders are progressive and vary widely in severity. All MPS children tend to have coarse facial features. All of them have, in some degree, skeletal involvement. In most children this involves joint changes with limitation of movement. In all of the MPS disorders, multiple organs are involved. Several children have clouding of the cornea which leads to vision impairment. Enlargement of the liver and spleen and involvement of the heart and blood vessels are frequent symptoms.

Progressive mental retardation is present in some children, as well as umbilical and groin hernias, stunted growth, fluid on the brain, thickened skin, excessive hair growth, chronic runny nose, chronic ear infections causing hearing loss, and a projected life expectancy of ten to twenty years."


For more information:

http://www.mpssociety.ca/


And of course Mac Kids can always use a hand:

http://www.mackids.ca/home.html



Thanks.

Will Farell Movie Generator

Try out the Will Farrell Movie Generator at College Humour.

Awesome-O


1. Will Ferrell plays Zach Montague, an egotistical, obnoxious cheerleading choreographer at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Paul Rudd, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Zach Montague's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Sweet Kirk's roller coaster! My mind is a murderous whisker!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Steve Carell and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $37.6 million


2. Will Ferrell plays Amir Crawford, an egotistical, obnoxious ballet dancer at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Owen Wilson, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Amir Crawford's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Praise Buddha. My apricot is a shimmering trophy!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Ben Stiller and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $57.9 million



This is my own:

Will Ferrell plays Arthur Buddly, an egotistical, obnoxious Sports Mascot at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Jason Bateman, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Arthur Buddly's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows,

Your cheese is an unstoppable mammoth! Behold my glorious platipus!

After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Jack Black and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $75.9 million


Oh that's right. It's that good.

Losing my REM

I went to the library today to get some work done, only to fall asleep in one of the cubicles for a half an hour and wake up with creases on my cheek. It wouldn't be so bad if I were back at LU, where I could just mosey on over to the Brenda Wallace Reading Room and take a proper nap before getting back up to work, but Trent has a very noticable lack of quiet comfy places around campus with couches.

I miss the Green Room. Stupid Trent not having a Theatre program.

So clearly a new lay-out. I think it's giving me slightly more room to fit the videos from College Humour and G4, which have thus far not been fitting so swimmingly. Some day I'm going to figure out how to make my own lay-out. Ah Grade 11 Computers class, why didn't I bother taking you?



Metaphor Free Radio

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Incidently, also Suing your Thanksgiving Dinner for Copyright Infringement

Could not possibly make this up:

From G4 Tech TV (which is a website I totally don't check every day) News Feed:

"Mayor of "Batman, Turkey" Sues Christopher Nolan

The Mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman, is suing The Dark Knight director, Christopher Nolan for copyright infringement. Huseyin Kalkan, the "Bat-Mayor" wants some "bat-compensation" from Nolan and the producers of the film for using his city's name without permission. (Coincidentally as the film's take is about to pass the 1 billion dollar mark.)

Justice at last! That dirty wretch, Christopher Nolan! How dare he not take into consideration the great cultural heritage of the city's name (which it adopted way back in ancient 1955.) And curses to Bob Kane for using black magic to precognitively create his Batman character 16 years before that time! Did he have any decency? Thank goodness someone informed the good Mayor of this "Batman" character's existence or this injustice would have went unavenged.

Kidding aside, Mayor Huseyin has apparently tried this before. According to the super-reliable Wikipedia:

He first gained international notoriety after it was revealed that he had filed a lawsuit against DC Comics for using his city's name in their Batman Comic book franchise. In 2007, DC Comics confirmed that they had settled with the city for an undisclosed amount. In February 2008 the mayor was sentenced to 10 months in jail for promoting terrorism. Prosecutors speculated that Kalkan may have used money from his settlement with DC Comics to fund terrorism...

If indeed this is true, then someone needs to add "a pair" to his or her Christmas list for someone over at DC. This is beyond comical. I would hate to think that I'M financing terrorism when I pick up my Blu-Ray copy of TDK. (Well, I'm freaking getting it anyway, but still...)"


Truly sensational.





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Also a link for the new South Park (heck isn't that why you come here?)

Elementary School Musical

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have once again stolen my thoughts and put them in the mouths of 8 year olds.


Cartman: This is cool? We are really getting old you guys... well that's it I think I'm done. If this is what's cool now, I no longer have any connection to this world...

Book Worm

This gave me a chuckle:


The USA Today Top 10 Best Selling Books of the Past 15 Years


1) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
2) Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution
3) The Da Vinci Code
4) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
5) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
8) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
9) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
10) Who Moved My Cheese?


Three Thoughts:

I) What the hell is "Who moved my cheese?"
II) Every one of these book titles works perfectly for the "penis" movie game.
III) A lot of people don't know, but JK Rowling actually wrote 8 of those books. Atkins was a fall-back after her ill-fated "Harry Potter and the Proteins of Power" was rejected by publishers.

Super Friends

Oh also, while I'm on a combo Batman/random ridiculousness theme (I know I know, when am I not?):

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

PS: If it's working as poorly on your computer as it is on mine, follow the link. It's worth it just for the spot on grating Christian Bale impersonation.

Is your shock bigger than a bread box?

Pleased as I am about last night there was one thing that genuinely gave me this expression:










You have to understand, I've been to this state on many occasions... I have relatives there... I've played more rounds of 20 Questions on the I-95 than is healthy... and this has completely blown my mind. I would have been less surprised if Texas had gone Democrat. I mean seriously, take the 460 west of Farmville.



I just had a disturbing thought: Virginia voted Democrat and Ontario voted Conservative.

My Dark Night

I managed not to drink and blog last night, which was probably wise.

My camera was out of batteries, so here are two low-res webcam pictures of me fighting crime:






Personally I think that when you dress in costume you should commit to your character, and that's not just because I was a little disappointed that none of the Batmans would flirt with me. Mind you I did get my ass grabbed by the Riddler, so I guess it sort of evens out.


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In other comic book related news:



Yes there's probably a version with bigger print somewhere else online. Consider it your mission Super Friend.