Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Advice to live your life

So you want to have the best Valentines Day possible? Well here are the three ways you can increase your Valentines Day pleasure. Accoring to University educated Symbologist Liz Buchanan the best way to have the best Valentines Day is to

ONE: Hit John Tesh very hard with a large blunt object. If there are no blunt objects available try a good old fashion punch to the face. He will not strike first as he is only capable of punching the first verb in every sentence.

TWO: When he regains consciousness explain to him (and Dr. Phil should time permit) that not every problem can be solved with a sound-bite intended for small child.

THREE: If that doesn't work try hitting him with the large blunt object again. Redundancy is very important on the John Tesh radio show, and saying the same thing over again in a slightly different way is key to patronizing listeners.

So to summarize: large blunt object, a good talking to and repeat large blunt object. This is 100% guarunteed to help you live a long life and impress your co-workers. Just tell them you heard it here, on Liz Buchanan's blog. The most credible source for pulling random thoughts out of my ass and holding them up on a pedestal as a way to live your life.

"One oh five point three... one oh five point three..."

3 comments:

Joe said...

"pulling random thoughts out of my ass and holding them up on a pedestal as a way to live your life."

Hey, it worked for Objectivism and Scientology. Why not Lizologyism...

Liz said...

Well I have been having some fascinating revelations about Un-Nirvana that could be considered religious.

I'm just worried about have a bunch of sects break off like the New Lizologyists, the Eastern Orthodox Lizologysists, and the Church of the Latterday Lizites.

Joe said...

Ah the good old days...

You want the true Valentine's Day? Forget roses and candy, sweetheart, and kneel before the Lupercalia