Punned It

There was a man who entered a local newspaper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.





Also I now have a Celebrity crush* on Jake Hurwitz, the writer/performer for College Humour and Busted Tees model of my dreams:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

* Technically since the College Humour Show is on MTV, it is officially a legit celebrity crush... as opposed to blog-stalking.

Welease Bwian!

It's bad enough the council at Nicaea excluded texts about Mary Magdalene, but I really feel that their greatest mistake was leaving Biggus Dickus out of the story all together.




Have a Happy Easter everyone, and always look on the bright side of life!

An Embedded Link to the Past

A little over a year ago IGN put up a fake Legend of Zelda trailer on their website to dupe people into believing that a movie was coming.

This is what I don't understand. Never mind that this is by far the most elaborate April fool's joke any website has ever pulled... but it took so much work, and they have so much of this already shot... why not just make the movie? I mean seriously watch this thing:

Can't Sleep... Clown'll Eat Me...

I am wide awake at 2:45AM. Why you might ask?



Can anyone think of a way to link Neve Campbell to Minnie Driver in less than 3 degrees?

No using imdb!


Also... don't get confused like I did. Minnie Driver was not in a movie with Jeff Goldblum:




That I know of anyways...

"When we are born we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools"

While the Season II South Park Terrance and Phillip episode is still my all-time favourite April Fools joke, this ranks as my #1 "awww rats, that would have been awesome!" joke: Interactive Portal T-Shirt.

Pictured above: The highly addictive game that broke my computer

"You're the Birthday boy or girl"

There's no getting around it. Being born on this day is totally sweet. Don't believe me?

People born on March 31st:

Rene Descartes (was thought of on this day)

Gordie Howe (The man scored 801 goals. And that's before the 80s when goalies were only slightly more effective than pylons)

Al Gore (the man who invented the internet!)

Cesar Chavez (won higher wages for farm workers by KOing Oscar de la Hoya... as is my understanding)

Liz Claiborne (whose clothing I do not own)

you know what this list needs? More Christopher Walken

and of course, Ewan McGregor. My soul mate.



What should I get Liz for her birthday?

Critical Drinking Attitude #5

I just pulled my first all-nighter since 3rd year when I pulled an essay about Peter Brook out of my arse. In my defense I can take a blank page and call it an essay. I throw a few words on there and a Professor reads them, that's all it takes to produce an act of Academia.


Mmmmm pillow...

If only Batman had fought Dr. Forrester

What Psychology paper?


It's official. Riff Trax is going to take on our generation's only sacred cow:


From Rifftrax.com:

If you can spare a minute, think back on the greatest work of cinema that you have ever seen. Did you think about The Dark Knight? No? Then you are a moron. Because while you were out doing whatever it is morons do...demolition derbies or...croquet, (we wouldn't know, we loved The Dark Knight), The Dark Knight pimp-slapped Andy Dufresne, spat in the Godfather's face and gave Charles Foster Kane a big ol' wedgie on its way to becoming the greatest movie of all time.

All this in spite of the bat suit causing our hero to grumble like the offspring of Tom Waits and Cookie Monster. There is nothing at all silly about that. We here at RiffTrax regret even having to point out that he sounds like your Great Aunt Vivian sending you out for her third pack of Pall Malls of the day. Because The Dark Knight is not just a superhero movie. It's a gritty crime drama about political corruption and the choices men make that just happens to involve a superhero. A superhero millionaire that dresses as a bat whose voice sounds like your cat heaving up a hairball into your slippers who battles a guy with half a face named Two-Face.

Despite all this, Mike, Kevin and Bill are ready to take on...(reverent pause)...The Greatest Movie of All Time.*

* Source: The Internet





Oh Riff Trax. As soon as I have $3.99 worth of space on my credit card I will send you my love.


Original content to come soon. I swear.


It might even be about something other than comic books.

To them you're just a geek... like me

The Coon's Journal March 18th, 2009: Should've been the season premier. Last episode was OK,, but not amazing. This was good. And almost as anger inducing as the Season 2 Season premier. It's all a joke.



Not featured in the above clip, my favourite line: "Sometimes you have to blow up a hospital for the greater good"


You know I think Cartman might actually be more pathologically disturbed than Rorchach and The Joker put together.

CNBC or NAMBLA

Apparently while I was away this weekend my boyfriend made the front page of the Hamilton Spectator.


Above: The love of my life, Jon Stewart, proving that the pen is mightier than Jim Cramer from CNBC


And headlines across the US and Canada. Have YOU seen the interview?



I have been predicting for several months that George W. Bush would go on the Daily Show, and that it would be epic. This may stop that from happening. Ever.

"Leave it to the Catholics to Destroy Existence"

"This is exactly why I put a rabbit in charge of the Church, Benedictus! Because men are so easily led astray."- Jesus Christ (South Park)


from cbc.ca

Vatican backs excommunication of Brazilian MDs over child's abortion

A Vatican cleric is defending a Brazilian archbishop's decision to excommunicate several doctors who performed an abortion last week on a nine-year-old girl who became pregnant with twins after alleged sexual abuse by her step-father.

"It is a sad case, but the real problem is that the twins conceived were two innocent persons, who had the right to live and could not be eliminated,'' Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re told the Italian daily La Stampa.

"Life must always be protected. The attack on the Brazilian church is unjustified," Re was quoted as saying. He also heads the Pontifical Commission for Latin America.

The controversy erupted when media reported that a nine-year-old girl from the northeastern Brazilian state of Pernambuco had had an abortion to remove twin fetuses. The girl and her family learned she was 15 weeks pregnant when she went to hospital complaining of pains.

The girl, who has not been identified, told authorities her step-father had sexually abused her since age six. The 23-year-old step-father is currently in police custody.

Doctors performed the abortion Wednesday, saying they feared the pregnancy could kill her because of her slim frame.

Upon learning of the abortion, the regional archbishop excommunicated the doctors, as well as the girl's mother. He did not excommunicate the step-father, saying the crime he is alleged to have committed, although deplorable, was not as bad as ending a fetus's life.
"The law of God is higher than any human laws," Archbishop Jose Cardoso Sobrinho said in an interview on Globo television. "When a human law is against the law of God, that law has no value."

Abortion is illegal in Brazil, which has more Catholics than any other country. However, it can be carried out before the 20th week of pregnancy if the mother's life is deemed in danger or if the baby was conceived through rape.

The controversy has continued up the government and religious hierarchy, with Brazil's president and his ministers coming out in support of the girl.

On Friday, President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva denounced the church's strict interpretation of the law.

"The doctors did what had to be done: save the life of a girl of nine years old," Lula told news outlets.

That, in turn, brought out counter-condemnations from the Vatican.

"Excommunication for those who carried out the abortion is just," Cardinal Re said.



It's almost as though the Vatican was being controlled by the dark side of the force...







Ahhhhhh! I knew it. Bloody Catholics...

Who Watches the Simspons?

Bart Simpson: Alan Moore! You wrote my favorite Radioactive Man comics.
Alan Moore: Oh, really? You liked how I made your favorite superhero a heroin-addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?
Bart Simpson: I don't read the words, I just like it when he punches people.

Oh What a Piece of Work is This

iBlogs

This is a special offer to upgrade your current previously viewed posts and comments now available in the Liz's Blog PLUS library. You will be charged $0.40 a comment and $0.80 a post to upgrade. Just click Buy All and new versions of your items below will be downloaded in Liz's Blog PLUS.

For more information about Liz's Blog PLUS read our FAQ.



****************


FAQ:

1. Why on earth would I want to pay for something I get for free?

An excellent question. When you get something for free... anything for free it is stealing. Would you steal a car? Would you steal a purse? Would you steal the plans to the Death Star? Then why would you steal mus... I mean blog posts?!


2. You know I actually paid for a bunch of this stuff already...

Really? Sucker... I mean that's good, but what you paid for was low quality crap. Liz's Blog PLUS gives you blog posts in the highest possible quality, and comments so good you can almost hear them. At only $0.40 more the original Comments are only for suckers who don't know the meaning of value.


3. What if I don't sign up? What happens to the blog?

I'm glad you asked. You will have the option for each and every old post and comment to either keep it in your blog library or delete it permanently so that you will never have to have your eyes and ears poisoned by standard definition.


4. Are you just going to pull this same crap again in five years, thus forcing me to upgrade my iTu... Blogger library again to a PLUS 2.0 edition?

Naturally. But it's only because it's an excellent way for us to make even more money on what we've sold you without the original artis... ahem commenters getting a dime.

They Must Be From Montreal

This exercise requires an image editor like Photoshop...

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it with this text in the "caption" and TAG the person who tagged you and any friends you want to join in. Also, add an album description if you like*


*Liz's Ammendment: Go to www.pitchfork.com, rollingstone.com or any other music reviewing site and get a random review. Stick your band's name and album title into it.



From the Pitchfork Review:

9.7

With their constantly evolving sonic identity, in-your-face vocal mannerisms, and open-ended ideas about what their music might "mean," Otto Newman seem designed to inspire obsessive fans and vociferous detractors in equal measure. Men Must Be Affectionate Men, their latest full-length, has been anticipated to an almost ridiculous degree, with blogs and message boards lighting up with each scrap of new information or word of a possible leak.

Although it will be tagged as Otto Newman's "pop" album, Men Must Be Affectionate Men remains drenched in their idiosyncratic sound, a record that no one else could have made. Its songs won't be heard on the radio as Otto Newman's M.O. requires them to exist outside of rigid formats. Nonetheless, they've found a natural way to integrate the sing-along melodies, sticky hooks, and driving percussion that have long been hallmarks of celebratory popular music.

The Simpson

While a great deal of my creative content has been coming from Cracked.com these days, I felt the need to direct everyone to a recent article there that brilliantly responds to the media frenzy over Jessica Simpson's weight gain.

This largely echoes the sentiment of the excellent South Park episode The List

Is Cracked secretly written by women (yes I know there are female writers for the site, but a large number of these pro-women articles seem to be written by the guys)? Are men able to more easily discuss women's issues without coming across as militant feminists? Are men actually better feminists than women?

Yes I am aware that there are a number of things philosophically and logically wrong with that statement.

Seriously though ladies, could we pick up the ball? And stop going to see movies like Bride Wars? Seriously wtf?

Namingway

1. YOUR REAL NAME
Elizabeth Dawn Buchanan

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle name):
Marilyn Holeman

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
William Don

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name):
Bucel

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Frog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Dawn Hamilton

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Green Coffee (worst super hero ever)

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Elbu

9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav. cookie)
Cotton Candy Peanut Butter

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on)
Daisy King

11.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of last name plus izzle)
Bucizzle

12.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Mog

13. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Old Spice Snickers (best stripper ever)

Crappy Valentines Day!

While I realize that being bitter and cynical about Valentines Day is not terribly original, that's not going to stop me from stealing "Honest Valentines Day Cards" from my very own daily source of bitter cynicism:




This was the only thing that could cheer me up after reading their 5 Reasons Being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought. Stupid Cracked.

28 Miles Later

Alright I was struggling...

Night of the Driving Dead?
Shone on the Dead?
Residential-Street Evil?

Who would have thought the Spokesperson for Austin's Public Works would have no sense of humour?



My favourite quote doesn't come until the end:

"What is disturbing, we discovered in our research for this report, is that there are actually websites out there that tell people exactly how to do this."


3 Thoughts:

1) If they were really "taking this seriously" shouldn't they investigate to see where the Zombies came from and where they were going?

2) How do we know it wasn't a terrorist attack?! It was probably those Moonanites again, but our puny earth brains couldn't figure it out.

3) I can't comment on Austin, but I know for a fact that if the "High Winds on the Skyway" sign at the QEW/403 Junction suddenly displayed "Warning Zombies Ahead" no one would drive any faster or slower than they usually do, but it would sure make my day.

***********************

Also The Superficial has my favourite quote about the Michael Phelps... ugh... indicent:


"If Michael Phelps wants to pour alcohol into his face, smoke the marijuana like a cigarette and fornicate with various loose women before beating the world's pants off at swimming, shouldn't we as a nation stand behind him? I mean, Christ, if he was anymore American, he'd be out fighting crime with a talking bald eagle for a sidekick. But then how would other nations know we dominate at the breast stroke? You gotta think these things through."

Disciplinary Action

In Nursing 100 we learned the 11 Critical Thinking Attitudes and then had to "illustrate" how we use each one. One of these attitudes was discipline.

Were I being a bit more honest in my assignment, I probably would have illustrated something like this.

How I use Critical Thinking Attitude #6: Discipline