Brenda and Brian's Wedding

My Aunt Bev and Uncle John. John has now married/reaffirmed vows for my mother and both of her sisters. Quite frankly I'm pretty sure he would have done his own wedding ceremony to my Aunt Bev if he could have.




You can't really see in this picture, but if you look across the lake you can see Toronto from the shore of Lake Ontario in St Catharines. It was a bit cloudy but the weather held out JUST long enough for us to get family pictures and race inside for the reception.





The ceremony had a traditional celtic theme. That's right, not only did we welcome Brian into our family, we also turned him into a Scotsman!The blancmanges have attacked!
My Aunt is radiant, and (amazingly) in this picture not crying.

Brian and Brenda decided not to have people throw confetti, but to blow bubbles instead when they were pronounced. This of course gave my family the opportunity to play all night.

My brother and father looking less goofy than usual. My Dad has kept up the Scottish/Celtic theme, sporting the Buchanan dress tartan.
My Aunt and now Uncle are off to London, followed by Italy. Brian told me on my way out, "we'll be sure to do EVERYTHING theatry while we're there". I think I gave them exactly the same face as my mother is giving right here:


I am very sad not to have a picture of the toast I gave Brian to welcome him to the family. By which I of course mean the actual physical piece of toast that I gave him that said "Welcome Brian".
I hope no one ate it.


An exerpt from Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom

In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul, and cara is the word for friend. So anam cara is the word for soul-friend. It is originally referred to as someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the anam cara you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the "friend of your soul."
The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This soul-bond awakens and fosters a deep and special recognition and belonging. In the warmth of the love of a true soul-friend, the soul can be itself. The love is the source, centre and destiny of experience. Real love is not manufactured or achieved by the act of will or intention, but rather as an act of recognition.
In everyone's life there is a great need for an anam cara. In this love you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. Love allows understanding to dawn and understanding is precious. When you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul. May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your Anam Cara.

The Source of all Human Suffering

I may have identified the source of all suffering in the world:






I can work with kids, and I think I get kids. I love Robert Munch and Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter, Disney movies and The Muppets- I love kids. I can work with teenage boys. I can talk video games and Star Wars, hockey and The Simpsons. Teenage boys are great. But I can't seem to work with teenage girls. And rather than blame myself or them, I blame High School Musical. And boy bands. And Lasenza Girl. And everything else that reinforces that girls should be more interested in fashion, money, cute boys and being "perfect" than having a real personality.


When I say that I can't relate to 98% of humanity it's because sometimes it feels like 98% of humanity is teenage girls. Look at American Idol, Justin Timberlake, shopping malls, Paris Hilton, Miley Cirus and tabloid news. It's like girls aged 14-18 have taken over the world.

Now I know what you're going to say, "Liz you were a teenager not too long ago, weren't you a girl then too?" Sigh- yes. But I now present the court with two pieces of evidence in my defence:

Grade 11 Drama
JOEL: The girls in this grade all suck.
ME: Hey!
JOEL: Well not you Liz, you don't count.
ME: Thanks... I think.

Grade 12 Math
ME: Sutor, I have to say, you guys are idiots.
SUTOR: Yep.
ME: But as dumb as the guys in this grade are, you are not anywhere near as stupid as the girls in this grade.
SUTOR: Not even close.


I used to be a little offended by Joel's remark about not counting, but as I've grown older I've come to take it as a compliment. I'd rather not count.


Work yesterday
Erin: Look we can sit here and analyze all day why they're acting like this, but let's face it they are teenage girls.
Me: I think it's impressive that they haven't started systematically destroying one another with gossiping.
Amanda: mmmhmmm


My solution: pay one really cool teenage girl to say that she likes independent films, anything on SubPop records and would rather read from the canon than Teen Magazine. Within weeks we should have a considerably more freethinking, interesting bunch of teenagers, within months we might even see some serious improvements of popular culture. Let's make the sheeople effect work for us!

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Further evidence that I am nowhere near ready to have children: I had to get the following jokes out of my system before the shower I went to today-


seeing "Baby on Board sign in the back of a car in the parking lot-
"I got this 'Baby on Board' sign so that people will stop deliberately ramming into the back of our car"

"If Toys R Us sells toys, shouldn't Babies R Us logically sell babies?"


The guy I lived next door to from 1 to 18 became a father and I went to his baby shower today. On my way to the shower I wondered whether the girl who lived across the street from me growing up was going too, as I saw her mother and father babysitting her two children. At the shower the younger sister of a childhood friend was six months pregnant.

The odd thing for me is that I haven't seen most of these guys in 7 or so years. They are permanently etched in my mind's eye as children/teenagers.


Boy next door:

I just picture him having his kid stand up on a spinning chair in her room and twirling her around until she gets dizzy, falls off and bangs her head on the desk (poor Scott) and he puts a hat on her head and tells her not to tell her mother.


Friend's little sister:

Her child will sleep through the first day of school because even though Mom promised to wake her up she forgot, probably on purpose because it was funny. (Oh don't think I don't know!)


Girl across the street:

I just see their house having bare gardens because their mother has dug up all of the flowers to give to the next door neighbor.

(OK, to be fair the garden destruction thing was a one time incident. I'm just jealous that she picked such great names: Liam and Maya!)


More than anything it's just strange having people I grew up with getting married and having babies. So many babies...

Liz Buchanan and the Incredible Dorkiness

Cool!



"You keep using that word. I do not think that it means what you think it means."

Alas poor Yorrick

I have been trying to write something eloquent about how I feel about The Dark Knight and Heath Ledger. I think that the conversation I had in Stratford (after having seen Stratford's Hamlet and The Dark Knight this weekend) kind of sums up my predominant feeling after the film.


Andrew: Hamlet doesn't have a plan, (in Joker-esque tone) he just does stuff
Me: Oh no... now you've made me sad that we won't ever see Heath Ledger do Hamlet.

Non-Playa Character

If you get that pun you might want to reconsider how much time you spend reading this blog.


OK, I know that most of you secretly hope that I'll lose the power of speech each and every time I talk about Final Fantasy. You may also wonder how in God's name you got to be friends with such a lamer in the first place.

You can at least watch this video and appreciate that I'm not quite THIS lame (or at least you sympathize with the girl and have a much better idea of why I haven't been on a date that's lasted longer than 1:40 in months):

1,2,3,4

At the risk of this web log becoming a watered down version of Transbuddha, I present the greatest thing to hit Sesame Street since the Beetles presented "Letter B":

You had me at "Hello Dolly"

Given how much I talk, you wouldn't think I'd dig silent movies. I'm far from being a buff, but I am a bit of a Charlie Chaplin addict. I also tend to think that less is more with movies (and often theatre, art and music), because it forces you to focus on communicating simply and clearly. By removing one vital element (ie: dialogue) the director is forced to convey the truth of the scene in another way. When it's done effectively it can cut right to the heart of what that scene/movie is about. Hence, why I enjoy silent films.

SOOOOO how psyched was I to see a beautifully animated film where the first 30 minutes or so contained no dialogue?






I really can't say enough good things about Wall-E. The animation was gorgeous and the story was excellent (though, like most people I thought that the allegorical use of 'Buy and Large' as an antagonist was a little rich coming from Disney).

Did I just use two literary terms in one sentence? Grade 10 English was not wasted on me after all!

Back to Wall-E. As for the controversy, which I sort of promised myself I wouldn't go on an angry rant about- I just imagine a certain CNN news commentator, who shall remain nameless, having his studio blown into tiny bits by Eve everytime he talks about the liberal environmentalist agenda of the movie. Funny I thought it had a pro-earth agenda, and I guess I kind of thought that was everybody's agenda.

TGIF

Why do I always eat too much when I go out to dinner?









Incidently: fried bananas covered in liquer with ice cream=awesome.

Stolen from Angelo (with a twist)

Liz's Summer Movie Report Card (so far):

mark out of 10

Iron Man expected: 6.5, actual: 8 (difference +1.5)

Prince Caspian expected: 8, actual: 5.5 (difference -2.5)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull expected: 7, actual: 7 (difference 0*)

Kung Fu Panda expected: 6, actual: 7 (difference +1)

Get Smart expected: 9, actual: 8 (difference -1)

Wall-E expected: 7.5, actual: 9 (difference +1.5)


Wall-E has definitely been the highlight this summer, though I was pleasantly surprised by both Iron Man and Kung Fu Panda. Don't get me wrong, Get Smart was awesome, but I had very high expectations for it too. There might be a lot of that going on this summer. Not that there are any other movies (possibly opening this week) that have unbelievably high expectations...


The Dark Knight expected: 9

Also have some "want to see"s with medium to low expectations. Yes I go see movies that I think will suck. Nothing lower than a 3, unless I'm dragged kicking and screaming by friends who insist that "Dude Where's My Car?" looks "funny"


Clone Wars expected: 6

Hamlet 2 expected: 4 (maybe?)



Also kind of want to see Towelhead if it makes it to a theatre-near-me.








*Oh and yes. I got EXACTLY what I expected from Indiana Jones. No more, no less.

Rats

Did I just volunteer myself to work 42 hours next week?

Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

Well I just happen to think that this is the best trailer for The Dark Knight so far:






Also, in case you're still thinking of taking Batman TOO seriously:




Don't think I'm not still thinking of dressing up in costume at the movie theatre. I just don't want to do it if it'll be cool.

Oh it IS me babe.

On August the 20th I, Liz Buchanan, will be sitting in the front row of the Copps Collesium Concert Bowl watching...












In the immortal words of Eric Cartman: Who wants to touch me?

My Nerdy Obsession

Sign #22 that I've lost touch with reality: I can think of VERY few things that have ever made me happier than what happens in the final seventeen seconds of the behind the scenes read-through of last season's Scrubs premiere.

Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun!

Someone has created pure awesomeness


Personal favourites include:

Firecrackers: The Silent Killer
Pepsi Presents: Fractions
The Revenge Of Abe Lincoln
'P' Is For Psycho
The President's Neck Is Missing!
Man Verses Nature: The Road To Victory
Fuzzy Bunny's Guide To You-Know-What
Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly
Alice's Adventures Through The Windshield Glass
The Decapitation Of Larry Leadfoot

Seven Words You Can't Say in Your Blog

I think tonight I'll watch Dogma.

Maybe I would steal purse!

Who are you to judge me, Mr. Don't-Steal-Movies ad?!

The point is, after giving the Cineplex corporation $50 of my hard earned money this summer SO FAR (remember I still have Get Smart, The Dark Knight and Hamlet 2* to go) I'm getting really sick of seeing that lame don't-steal-movies ad. At least they were all pretty good. Indiana Jones wasn't exactly amazing, but it was a lot of fun and I was pleasantly surprised with Iron Man... the only one I was really dissappointed with was Prince Caspian, and because there's nothing I like more than being vindicated, here's a review by two guys who felt the same way:


I was however, far more impressed with Kung Fu Panda. I have ranted at length about children's entertainment "these days" but this movie had a couple of elements that I enjoyed. The humor, while occasionally over-the-top or "man getting hit with football" based was not the central focus of the film, there was actually, dear god, a story. And no it was not an original story, in fact it pretty much came out and made fun of how Star Warsy it was, but at least in a nice subtle way. It was about being an outcast, about believing in yourself and aspiring to greatness. In that way it was cut from the same cloth as the Disney golden age of the 90s. In fact if Dreamworks can start making things other than Shrek they may be poised to pick up the Disney torch... especially if WallE doesn't live up to its hype. Though Disney would have a hard time doing worse than Chicken Little. By the way, don't ever watch an animated movie based purely on liking the voice actors involved. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson from Doogal. You'd THINK.

Anyways, I watched the movie with a five year old who laughed and got scared during the fight scenes and then wanted to watch it again. So not only am I not alone in my appreciation of the movie, but it also proves my long standing belief that it's good to frighten children in movies. That's what makes them fun.
When I was a youngling I had to leave Peter Pan in the theatre because I got scared in the part where Captain Hook was sneaking up on him in the cave. I also may have had a series of nightmares. It also became one of my favourite movies as a kid and I went as Tiger Lily for Halloween the next year (Incidently, denying I was ever frightened, citing temporary illness as the reason for leaving the theatre).
I'm not suggesting that all kindergarteners should watch Dark Crystal, but maybe it's not SUCH a bad thing if kids get a little scared when they see movies. That's what makes them fun!

I'm recommending Kung Fu Panda for kids 4-104 and giving it my personal Liz thumbs up.









*PS: For those of you that have not yet heard of Hamlet 2 and are asking the obvious question I direct you to 1:03 :

Wonder-Twin Powers Activate!

Form of a gopher!
Form of a mote!

Inspired by last Tuesday's Colbert Report. I suggest watching the entire episode. I TVOed it and made every member of my family watch it at least once with me.

Viva la Musique!

I'm in the midst of doing some iTunes downloading. Today 3 albums (though sigh, I only anticipated wanting two) came out today. I am currently downloading my most recent unhealthy preoccupation The Hold Steady. I haven't heard anything off of the new album yet, but I don't care. Boys and Girls in America was sweet, and I haven't been able to get "Stuck Between Stations" out of my head for months. Wolf Parade was kind enough to stream their new album on their MySpace page so I've had a chance to listen to a few songs. It's definitely a little different than I thought it would be (I was sure recording in that church was going to actually turn them into the Arcade Fire), but I like a few of the songs. Nothing is totally grabbing me like "I'll Believe in Anything" or "Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts", but quite frankly 2 albums in a row with songs that awesome would be an act of the music gods.

Finally, I am doing a surprise download. Prior to last week I did not think I would be buying Coldplay's new album. I loved Parachutes, but I wasn't keen on Rush of Blood to the Head (loved the "The Scientist" mind you, but wasn't as impressed with "Clocks" as everyone else seemed to be), then after I heard "Speed of Sound" I wondered if I would ever feel the desire to own another Coldplay album.

I had heard "Violet Hill" on the radio and thought, 'Hey that's a nice contrast to what they have been doing, I'll see if anything's up on iTunes yet.'
So I downloaded that and "Viva La Vida". I stuck "Viva La Vida" on a playlist with some stuff from Flight of the Conchords and Colin Hay that I hadn't heard yet and went to the gym. I actually had to stop in the middle of my reps to find out whose song was so great. I was pleasantly finding myself thinking "I must get that album" for the first time since hearing "Yellow" at junior prom.
At any rate, the tracks have finished downloading while I've been writing this. I'm off to the gym with a fully loaded iPod and a newly rekindled love for popular music.

The 401

Hey, I hit 400 posts without particularly realizing it. Sweet.

I like to think that in those 400 posts there was some wit and wisdom. Whether it was my delusions of being married to Ewan McGregor, my list of things that I would buy with a $10 Million movie contract, the pun-rific Star Wars/"I've been drinking and here's what I think" saga, titling and subsequently retitling several posts "Everything's coming up Milhouse!", the idea that I stole from Andrew about just posting song lyrics that were stuck in my head everytime I was stuck for something to say, or just my random thoughts on everything from leg waxing to Cameron Diaz, I hope that you've all been enjoying these 3 years of web logging.

Here's a story.

My parents were in Ottawa this week, and my Dad brought back two pens and gave one to me. I was sitting in his chair tonight and playing with HIS pen (as most of you know I'm a terrible fidgeter). Anyways, I pulled the lid off of the pen and with it came the part that holds the ink in place. It didn't get on me, but the pen was now broken, and took some tricky handy work to get back together while my brother sat and gave me a "good job" sort of look. I finally got it back together, looked up at Scott and said "He'll never notice" and set it back on the table next to Dad's chair.

Five minutes ago, as I was writing the first half of this post, when from downstairs I heard my father say:

"Scott, I have your present from Ottawa, it's a pen!"

Our Endless Numbered Days

1:55AM Thought: Maybe flying off the handle about an irresponsible guidance counellor in the states is not the best way to deal with seriously repressed emotional issues that have been brought dangerously close to the surface of late.

Then again neither is vague blogging.

still

Will you say to me when I’m gone
Your face has faded but lingers on
Because light strikes a deal with each coming night
Oh oh oh oh
Coming night
Oh oh oh oh
Coming night.

Lies and the Lying Liars that tell them

I saw a story on Yahoo News that was just about the only thing that could me me go pundit on this thing. Being Yahoo, I can't actually post the video, so you'll have to go here to watch it.


It says that the parents and teens are angry. The ones on that video aren't anywhere near angry enough. If they had done that at my high school, we would have opened the biggest can of whoop-ass on our teachers and guidance counsellors. Never mind that they did it at all, but they let it go on for TWO HOURS?! That's unbelievably cruel.

It reminds me of the South Park episode "My Future Self and Me", where the kids' parents will go to any length to scare them into not doing drugs, instead of just being honest with them (a commentary on the Bush administration's attempt to link pot to 9/11... I mean seriously WTF?)

Stan basically says that if they had just told him the truth about drugs it would have a greater impact that an elaborate scheme of lies. When kids and teens feel like they've been lied to by authority figures they're more inclined to rebel. As much as I love rebellion, I prefer the kind where you wear short skirts or tell off your teacher when they're being a jerk- not the kind where you get behind the wheel after a few.

The truth will out. I'm a big fan of honesty, it's no secret. Maybe it's because, when people lie about stuff, particularly under the guise of "it's for your own good" it usually isn't.
The more you lie to scare people under the pretense that they can't make wise decisions for themselves, the harder they'll come back at you when they find out you were lying. Don't believe me? Ask the Bush administration.

The Last Temptation of Liz

Probably not for the guys who read this. That's right there are girls who read my blog.

As a follow up to my last post: I have a giant crush on Willem Dafoe.

I am so totally attracted to his acting.

The thing about Dafoe is that while he's often a little over the top (read a lot) he's so goddamn committed to it that I don't even care. So unlike most women who watch Platoon amd think Johnny Depp is hot, I have eyes only for Willem- Seriously, who names their son that? (Also sign #35 that I've lost touch with reality: yelling at Tom Beranger to "stop being such a dick").

Everytime I go into one of my day-dreamy moments about Willem Dafoe, my brother is always here to remind me of the quote from Riff Trax about the Spiderman movie:

"But being a spider naturally puts him on the bad side of Norman Osborn, the charismatic head of OsCorp Industries who manages to find enough time in his day to moonlight as an evil goblin (played by real life evil goblin Willem Dafoe.)"

Which of course brings me to my all time favourite ACTING! moment:

"Where did you say you got that cut?"

Is it over the top? Yes. Do I LOVE it? Yes.







Now I know what you're thinking- Liz, do you have crushes on other actors based purely on talent? Why yes, and thank you for asking.
We've already dealt with my disturbing response to Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List, but did you know that I also inexplicably find James Woods really hot? I even watched an entire episode of Shark! There's no reason to do that.
Of course my most recent acting-crush is on Scrubs (and Platoon) co-star John C McGinley. I've had to go back to several scenes on my Scrubs Season 1 DVD and re-watch his acting. That one where Dr. Cox takes his shirt off, that one where he drops his pants, that other one where he takes his shirt off, the point is his acting is shirtless... flawless-body... damnit! These guys are all like twice my age- maybe I just need to go back to being attracted to guys with Scottish accents or Jewish comedians.

Quality vs Quality

Last night I finally watched Platoon. Sorry Joe, I was wrong, that was probably one of the best movies I've ever seen.

Which got me thinking... while, in my opinion, it may in fact be one of the best made films in history I have no intention of owning it, or adding it to any favourite movies list. It's not exactly the kind of movie I would watch again and again for enjoyment.

While I will stand fast for the excellence of many of my top 10 Favourites (City Lights, Dr Strangelove, Casablanca), I admit that they are not always the highest quality movies in history (Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail is my #1 after all). I do like to actually ENJOY the movies I'm watching, and I actually get kind of pissed when I'm told that I should love a movie that was absolutely painful to watch for no good reason.
But every once in a while, and frequently with many of the folks reading this, I watch a movie that is kind of painful, in that it is disturbing, but is also incredibly moving and impressive. I have decided to pay tribute to these films in my:

Top 10 Movies I Thought Were Brilliant, but I Never Want to Have to See Again

10. Titus

9. Full Metal Jacket

8. One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest

7. Resevoir Dogs (Oh yes, I went there)

6. The English Patient

5. Saving Private Ryan

4. Natural Born Killers

3. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (With the exception of the scene where all the guys try to ambush him and the music goes 'wah nah nah nah nah- duh duh duh duh- wah nah nah nah nah- duh duh duh duh'. I could watch that forever)

2. Schindler's List

1. Platoon


I actually had an entire post written with explanations about why I thought the movies were excellent, and what had disturbed me so terribly about them, but it was starting to sound like a psychotherapy session. Also, I assume that since I am dealing with a few people's favourites that I'll have to argue this in some sort of angry flame war anyways, so it's really just a time saving activity.

Smell-o-vision

This is really one of the strangest things I've had happen in a while.

I noticed Monday whilst out to see Indiana Jones, with the lovely Miss Liz VanTassel, that something on me smelled kind of funny. Not really bad (I hope Liv!), but noticably strange. The smell got stronger and by the evening I was convinced that I had spilled something really stinky on myself. I woke up the next morning, had a shower and put on copious amounts of deoderant. At exactly this point, I noticed the smell again. I smelled my deoderant. My BRAND NEW stick of deoderant, which I had purchased Sunday night smelt like cheese that had gone very very bad.

I have seriously never heard of this. I don't think deoderant goes bad...

Any ways, this is not only a public service announcement of apology to Liv, but seriously- what the hell? I should call Secret...

Also, I think it's really a shame that the blogosphere has yet to develope an HTML code to post smells- although, I suspect no one would ever read my blog again.



PS: I am not entirely convinced that the new Indiana Jones movie wasn't written exactly the same way that Snakes on a Plane was written.
ie:
Blogger: Dude, you know what would be SO COOL...
Lucas-Spielberg (reading): Gold!

Did I still love it? Yes.
Do I think it was better than Temple of Doom? Phantom Menace was better than Temple of Doom.
Would I go see it again? Hell yes.

PS

As a follow up to my last post:

Is anyone else interested in changing the English language to include a single hyphonated "that-that" whenever you need to use the word "that" twice in a row? It's kind of how you say it, and MS Word always gets angry at me for repeating the same word twice.

Also, I have located my saltine. It's at Future Shop and contains special commentary on the episode "My Musical". Mmmmm Scrubs...

Clone Scrubs

Sign #27 Liz has lost all touch with reality: She's decided that Scrubs is actually just all of the characters from Clone High grown up and working in a Hospital.























































(Don't agree? Count how many times Elliot says "Come on you guys" in that nagging voice)



















(OK, that one was kind of cheating...)


















Oh Bill Lawrence... it's like your only desire in life is to appeal to exactly my sense of humour (and have some bizarre portal into my head to determine exactly what I think its funny, even if it completely perplexes or even frightens other people)

Why is it that that isn't the first time I've had that very strange thought?

Also... I wonder where I left my saltine cracker...?

The Sound of Settling

I was listening to the 102.1 The Edge a couple of days ago and I heard the new Death Cab for Cutie single. I can't really say that it made me want the CD. I thought it was boring and lacked the simplicity and creative lyrics of their earlier work, and made me wonder why we didn't see a Postal Service CD instead.

I havne't listened to the rest of the CD though... does anyone have it, and have a better impression of it?

Training Day

I went for some staff training two days ago (and for fans of the UK Office- yes we did do role playing involving listening skills, and no I did not "get their attention" despite the urge). I had to kill some time after arriving on GO Transit, because as usual with public transit I had the choice of being 1 hour early or 5 minutes late. I went into the nearby South Common "Mall". The term is clearly being used loosely. I noticed what ended up being only the second strangest sign in the mall:


"Arian Shoes"


Now I do realize that this is probably someone's name and that even if it were spelt "Aryan" it wouldn't necissarily have the negative connotations that I was taking it to have- still it seemed like a strange choice for a name.

The sign that I felt eclipsed "Arian Shoes" was in the Dollar Mart:


"Yes, we sell British Products"


With a picture of the British flag. Actually, I was just interested in whether or not you sold pens- but yes British pens will be satisfactory...



I should probably get some sleep.

Sign #47 that I have Totally Lost Touch with Reality

I want to give Wilson a hug.





Stay tuned for the full "Signs 1-50 Liz has lost touch with reality". Only about six of them involve House. Most of them are about my insistence that I can use The Force or my ability to solve crimes to the tune of The Who.

My Problem with Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia. hmmmm

I quite liked the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, but I'm not sure I like the series as a whole. I went to see the movie Prince Caspian and I think I've figured out my problem with Narnia.

While the religious symbolism in Narnia is about as subtle as a blunt axe, it didn't bother me so much in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. It's not that Christianity bothers me per se- it's CS Lewis's view of it.

What begins to happen in Prince Caspian, and essentially the rest of the saga is that Aslan=God begins to promote an ideaology that I do not feel is consistent with either the bible or of my experience with Christiantiy, but rather the elements of fundamentalist Christianity which I am most uncomfortable with. Chiefly that the best kind of faith is blind faith. Lucy can see Aslan because she believes in him unconditionally, where as the other children question his presence- not his existence, but his presence. They don't understand how he could allow bad things to happen in Narnia, and wonder where he is. This is basically held up as the wrong way of viewing things. Lucy, who does not question Aslan is exalted and basically made out to be the great hero.
If Aslan=God then what follows is, "Believe in God and don't question His divine wisdom or presence". Thinking "How could god allow suffering in the world?" is bad, because God has a plan, and if you just have faith in him everything will turn out fine. This is essentially what I got from Prince Caspian (That and the fact that it is apparently necissary to cram a love story into every movie with an actress over the age of 14).

The idea that blind faith is the best kind of faith isn't consistent with the bible. It's not even consistent with Jesus. The mythology of Narnia becomes increasingly wrapped up in religious symbolism as the stories go on, and the more it becomes overtly 'Aslan is God', 'Narnia is the kingdom of Heaven' and so forth, the harder it is to ignore the moral preaching of the stories. Again I have no problems with Christian morality- I really dig love thy neighbor as thy self- but no matter what spiritual force you understand to be at work, or what value system you adhere to it should never be a simple question of believing or not believing. I can think of few things worse than blind faith in anything. This is why I seem to keep falling into the "agnostic" category in many people's views (despite the fact that that I do think that there's a higher power and believe very strongly in many elements of Christianity, Buddism, Islam, Judaism and others). I simply cannot justify blind faith logically or theologically.


Part II: My Bias

I like the character Susan the best of all of the Narnia kids. This will shock no one that knows me. Susan, Lisa Simpson, Kyle Broflaski, Hermione Granger... who ever that nagging voice of reason is, I am always drawn to. It's not that I value intelligence above all else, I'm a big fan of bravery, honesty and kindness ahead of reason- but the sensible/intelligent/nagging characters are also the ones who challenge authority, question why things are the way they are and stand up against injustice. Sometimes they take it over board or can be self-righteous, but that voice of reason is also the voice of change and sometimes greatly needed truth. Susan has that potential, but in the world of Narnia her voice of reason and truth is painted as a negative. That she questions Aslan, that she questions whether or not the children should proceed into Narnia or fight in the great battle are seen as weaknesses. In another story she might be a hero, but in Narnia she is, at best, a foil for Lucy.

For anyone who hasn't read the complete Chronicles I won't give away Susan's fate, but you've most likely gathered from this that I'm not impressed.
Lucy is great, fine. She is kind and innocent and very brave, but in another story Susan would be her great ally, not her foil. Because let's face it, without the nagging voice of reason Harry would still be wandering around the forest with Ron looking for Horocruxes, Bart would have been done in by Side Show Bob, and Stan and Kenny would have been thrown in a giant pit of lava at the Airport Hilton ("Everything OK? Got enough Buffet items? Do you have enough lava?").



Oh right the film...

Ummmmm why did Susan and Caspian have a random love story? What the hell was that song at the end? And please cut it out with all the shots of the Pevensie children staring at each other meaningfully as if thinking something very deep in the middle of every battle scene for no apparent reason.

"Uh, Liz it is just a kids film... maybe you could take it a little easy?"

No. Because I think that complacency with children's entertainment is what led to Pokeman and Air Bud. Just because something is for kids doesn't mean it can suck. Jim Henson didn't think kids stuff should suck and neither do I. So there.

Tim Horton's on the Defence

I did not read one article that thought of that pun.

You don't even get it do you?

Sigh...here.


Employee fired over free Timbit getting job back

London, Ont. woman will be getting her job at Tim Hortons back after being fired for giving a free Timbit to a toddler.

A statement issued by the company's head office Thursday said the person who fired Nicole Lilliman, 27, went too far and that the single mother of four has been reinstated.

"Unfortunately the action of the manager of this location was not appropriate," the statement read. "With an apology from management Ms. Lilliman has been rehired by the franchisee. We sincerely apologize to our customers for this unfortunate incident."

Tim Hortons customers interviewed in London were less than impressed upon hearing of the firing.

"They're not going to go broke giving a child a Timbit," one woman told A-Channel London. "Shame on them."

Timbits are small balls of glazed dough that sell for $0.16.

Lilliman has said she didn't think much about giving the Timbit to the 11-month-old child, who came in with a regular customer on Monday. She said staff members often give Timbits to pets and children and that she was trying to calm the child.

Lilliman had worked at the store for about three years. She said was greeted by three managers when she arrived at work on Wednesday, who confronted her about the free gift after watching surveillance footage taken in the restaurant.

Uncomfortable with returning to the store from which she was fired, Lilliman will now work at another Tim Hortons location just down the street, company spokesperson Rachel Douglas told the Canadian Press on Thursday.

No decision has been made on whether action will be taken against the manager who fired Lilliman, said Douglas, adding she does not believe the manager's actions are ground for dismissal.

Sequel?

Farce book

I always knew that was a really brilliant joke.

"Good. Do you have magical powers?"

So every once in a while a movie totally passes under my radar and I can't even blame anyone else for saying "Nah, I don't really want to see that". It just seems that I totally missed the boat on this movie and my life has been the poorer for it, until now:





This is a top 10er. I don't really know which spot, or which movie I'm dethroning, but I know it's there.

A few things:

1) Will Farrel can act? I mean apart from shouting who he is prior to delivering every line ("I'm John Rocker!") or doing an alteration of his President Bush impersonation. I completely forgot it was Will Farrel within minutes. Not only did his performance have layers and subtlety it had humour that wasn't over-stated or ridiculous. It was honest and very touching.

2) I am in love with Emma Thompson




















"Liz, please stop calling me"


3) I've been trying to think of a way to describe this film: It's like the love child of Adaptation and Hamlet.

"Hamlet: Oh that this too, too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew...
McKee: ...and God help you if you use soliloquy in your work, my friends. God help you. That's flaccid, sloppy writing. Any idiot can write a soliloquy to explain the thoughts of a character."

Ok, maybe that's not right.









In case you haven't guessed, I highly recommend this film. If you've seen it, and disagree with my proclaiming it wonderful, I invite you to bite me. Just kidding. Write me a comment. But I'll probably just tell you to bite me.

Beat these pictures, Burj Dubai!

Yesterday I went to Toronto for a shoot for a Sony commercial. It was not a lot of fun, but I did get a chance to snap two nerdily patriotic photos:








***********

I was also in Port Dover the other day with Emily, and captured the following lovely picture:

Ring Ring Ring Banana King

I don't think there's any explanation necissary.




OK maybe there is. But I can't for the life of me imagine what that would be.


Although Transbuddha got it pretty close:

"Imagine if you will that Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Carl was shoved into a Unicorn body and then pestered by a similarly unicorn’d Walter and Perry from Home Movies, and then hammer it down with a PCP laced mallet.

Yah, that still doesn’t explain it."

Workin' Overtime

Sorry for the long wait.

I've been very busy with work and other work related things of late. I have good news. I will be going full time at ErinOak Kids in June, and until then there is no shift shortage to be certain. I still can't believe my luck, because I am the official bottom of the totem pole at work until they hire somebody new, so this was quite unexpected.

The other little bit of fun of late is my Birthday present.




Yoda enjoys Feist and my Lollapalooza '06 playlist, but thinks that it's cruel the way Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant pick on 'that poor bald man' in their podcast.

Canada on Strike

No not for more internet money. For more internet.

I am getting really sick of being blocked out of videos. And internet radio. But more so internet videos. I'm not even allowed to go to Comedycentral.com, because I might accidently view the Daily Show for free. Because I totally can't do that otherwise on CTV. Now I have to go to the crappy Comedy Network site, which will let me "watch full episodes", if I don't mind getting cut off every 10 seconds for them to buffer. I also deeply miss Pandora Internet radio, which is apparently banned in Canada. I can only assume that this is because it's a bad thing for me to get introduced to bands like Broken Social Scene.

I would complain, but seriously... on whose authority were these bans put in place? Nobody owns the internet. Well, except Google. It's probably Google's fault.

I suppose if I can't get more internet, I'll settle for a gift certificates to Bennigans.

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Fate

Did you know that MY favourite flowers are daffodils, and that the Canadian Cancer Society runs their Daffodil campaign at the end of March, corrisponding with both mine and Ewan McGregor's birthday? :D

It's meant to be.

Ten Minutes for Unsportsmanlike Conduct

Say what you want about the Toronto Maple Leafs.


At least they haven't

been arrested for stealing purses

got a team so childish they fight each other during practice

and ummm... holy crap


I mean seriously. What the hell happened to my sport?

Faerie Lights

I made this video about two weeks ago. It's not edited nor does it have any visual effects.

Do you know what it is?


****************

Also on the subject of YouTube- they are now having their own video awards. Most of the categories are actually a little ridiculous, but the Comedy Video category had a tough competetion going. I would have given it to PowerThirst 2:Redomination hands down, but the first PowerThirst got the nomination, and I don't think it's as good. Super Mario:Game Over is actually pretty impressive, and the Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise has to be in a category all its own for "most painfully addictive comedy song since Banana Phone". "Shoes" of course actually premiered in 2006, but its sequel "Let me Borrow that Top" is also nominated and is pretty excellent.

I have decided to present my own awards honouring 2007's top youtube and other online movies.

Presenting The Liz Spends Too Much Time Online Awards:


Best Screenplay: "Facebook"-Berats and Bereta

Best Adapted Screenplay: "Titanic (30 second Bunny Theatre)"- Angry Alien Productions

Best Direction: "Super Mario: Game Over"-Ryan Hunter

Best Animated Short: "Intermission (The Animation Show)"-Don Hertzfeldt

Best Animated Feature Length: "Strongbad Email #167: The Movies"- Homestarruner.com

Best Short Film: "Dramatic Chipmunk" (ok, just kidding)

Best Original Song: "Mysterious Ticking Noise"-Neil Cicierega (Potter Puppet Pals)

Best Actress: Kelly (also known as Liam Sullivan) in "Let me Borrow that Top"

Best Actor: Luke Berats in "To-Do List" (Joe will have his turn)

Best Movie: PowerThirst 2:Redomination



*****************

Update: The Mysterious Ticking Noise won for best Comedy Video, which is sort of ridiculous in and of itself, but totally appropriate for YouTube.

Also, the glowing light in my video is my Mom's colour changing pathway light under three feet of snow.

"At 11am Eastern Standard time, live on CNN, Barack Obama spoke to Americans about racism, like adults"- Jon Stewart

This is long, but worth it:



You'll want to be able to say to your kids some day, "Yeah I watched Obama's speech in Philly". Then they'll make fun of you. Trust me*.


*Disclaimer: If you are not already aware, my Mother owns an album of John Kennedy's speeches, for which she is harassed endlessly by my brother and I.

Home Alone

If ever there was grounds for legally divorcing my parents based on emotional distress, this is it:





How sharper than a serpents tooth is it to have parents that don't take you with them to England.

I am positive that's how that quote goes.

Wow.

My face, while watching tonight's Season 12 premier of South Park :






"I'd hate to meet the sick bastard that came up with those things"- Army General, with reference to the the Woodland Critters in Imaginationland.

Why God is like a University Student

Liz says:
What's up? Procrastinating?
Emily says:
god
Liz says:
I think god was a procrastinator too.
Emily says:
oh??
Liz says:
Think about it. On the first day he created the heaven and the earth. Ok that was like opening a new file on word and calling it "Earth: My Essay" and buying some new printer paper
Emily says:
baahahahahahahahahahahaha
Liz says:
Then he created water. That was like, he was sitting at the key board and thought "Hm, I'm thirsty"
Liz says:
It wasn't until the third day that he created dry land. Which is sort of like him thinking "OK, I've got to write something" and just doing a sort of random expose
Emily says:
thats fabulous
Liz says:
At any rate... God dicked around for 4 days before he got anything finished. Day four he's still sitting staring at the computer and then thinks: There isn't enough light in this room. That's the problem. I keep dosing off. So then God made two great lights: the greater to rule the day and the lesser to rule the night.
Liz says:
Finally on the fifth day "God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven." Translation: God got hammered and made up a bunch of crazy shit.
Emily says:
awesome
Liz says:
Finally on the sixth day God thinks "Huh, guess I'd better hunker down and get some work done- it's due tomorrow and I want to go on reading break". And so God made us in his own image. So really it was kind of like cutting and pasting, but changing enough words so that it's not really plagiarized .
Liz says:
And God saw every thing that he had made (self-editing), and, behold, it was very good (settled for about a B+).
Liz says:
The important part is, that then he rested, handed it in and went back to Nintendo Wii.

Snowing? In Canada?

The Greater Toronto Area is- wait for it- out of salt for the roads.





March 8, 2008, the city Liz works in:











*smacks foreheard*

Don't even kid yourself. They all sound like that.

I have a new favourite song. I think it's pretty much official. I'm completely obsessed with The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine.


But please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like "We'll meet again"
And "Fuck the man"
And "Tell my mother not to worry"
And angels with their gray
Handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry


If anyone (Andrew/Joe) knows the proper tabs for this song, I am having trouble finding a good site online.

Also another newby to the "favourites" category is Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austin. It was difficult to get into for the first two chapters, but then I totally fell in love with it.

I love being able to identify with a particular character, and all the better if I identify with several. In this case the two daughters were like two different and very strong parts of my personality, and I was overwhelmed by the insight and wit with which their behaviour and mindset is portrayed.

I admire Elinor's stoicisism (not generally one of my qualities, but I related instantly to her rationalizing away everything and over analyzation of every situation), and I loved Marianne's passion and saw instantly that for all of her flaws she was incredibly honest and loyal.

I plan on watching the movie ASAP. I adore 3 of its main actors, I think it's remarkable that I managed to hold out until the end of the book without seeing it.

Leap of Faith

Only thing to do is jump over the moon!







Sorry this was a little late, I needed my computer cables.
This is of course my best attempt at capturing the lunar eclipse last week.

Ah, English class!

I saw this book advertised and it gave me a really good laugh. It also made me think of University.






How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read

by Pierre Bayard

Have you read Shakespeare? Proust? War and Peace? Moby Dick? Middlemarch? Ulysses?

(Has anyone actually read Ulysses?)

Let’s face it, you can’t read everything. You probably don’t want to read everything.

So what are we supposed to do when the polite conversation turns to a classic book, or the latest Atwood, Ondaatje or Vassanji we haven’t actually read?

Fear not! Professor Pierre Bayard is at hand to save us from literary humiliation and social ostracism with his book, How To Talk About Books You Haven’t Read.

“It’s totally possible”, he assures us, “to carry on an engaging conversation about a book you haven’t read — including, and perhaps especially, with someone else who hasn’t read it either.”

In fact, “it is sometimes easier to do justice to a book if you haven’t read it in its entirety — or even opened it.”

With examples from Oscar Wilde, Graham Greene, Montaigne, Umberto Eco, Marcel Proust, and even the movie Groundhog Day, How To Talk About Books You Haven’t Read steers us through the social minefield of literary conversation (what exactly is the proper course of action when you meet an author whose book you haven’t read?), and offers advice to turn sticky social situations into opportunities for creative brilliance.

Charming, erudite, and mercifully irreverent, How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read is a must-have for anyone with reader guilt (or a dinner party to attend).

I love Jon Stewart

Top 5 favourite Jon Stewart moments of the night:

#5- “Democrats do have an historic race going, Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally when you see a black man or a woman president, an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.”

#4- "In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home"

#3- "I happen to have taken Spanish in high school. I believe he told his mother where the library is."

#2- (with regards to Barack Hussein Obama's unfortunate name) "It's not easy to overcome. I think we all remember the ill-fated 1944 presidential campaign of Gaydolf Titler."

#1- Getting Markéta Irglová back up on stage to do her acceptance speech after she was unceremoniously cut off. Totally classy, and she gave the best speech of the night.