Wednesday, May 16, 2007

A Dog Day Afternoon

Two nights ago I came upon a stranger on Lasalle Blvd across from Walmart.



sigh...

She is beautiful. A Husky/Collie (I think). I have called the Sudbury Animal Control/Shelter, and submitted her picture to the online database. They offered to come and pick her up, but at the time I said "She's no trouble, I don't mind hanging on to her for a day or two". Sigh. Now we have a problem.
The longer she stays here the less likely she is going to the shelter. We've been taking short walks (away from the Cambrian security centre). She is super friendly- if not a little attention starved :p and doesn't seem to bark or bite or cause any trouble at all. I find it hard to believe that someone won't call for her soon. Then the shelter will call me immediately and she can go home to her family...

Monday, May 14, 2007

I have an audience!

And all I had to do was sulk to find out. Geez guys if I'd known people were reading I would have put worthwhile things up here. As it is... ummmm...

http://www.myheritage.com

Friday, May 11, 2007

Insert Title Here

What does it matter? you're all on Facebook now anyways


That's not true, Erica is still here ;) Although she's probably hung-over. I am.


Truely I'm updating whether or not there are people here because I realized something the other night. After years of trying to force myself to keep a journal, I finally have. I have been writing in this stupid thing for almost 2 years now and even if it hasn't improved my creative writing one ounce, I do have a sort of portal to my past out of it. Which is a little cool.

Status: I still have not heard back from Grad school. And it is not amusing me. I am emailing Concordia today to find out what is going on because I'm getting a little anxious. Actually replace "a little" with "excessively" and the word "anxious" with "insane".
Zellers is Zellers and peddling booze is peddling booze. It pays the bills, I hate most of humanity most of the time and everything would be a lot better if I didn't have "performance goals" and "high fives" and "bosses" and could just do my damn job. Actually I like my Check-out manager at Zellers. But pretty much everyone else I report to is a dick.
Cambrian rez is actually a pretty great place to live. I have a temporary but very cool roomate. I never thought I would actually be sad to have a whole apartment to myself, but I'm enjoying having her here. She's very easy going, and we've been chatting a swapping life stories. Here is a brief view of my semi-decorated rez room:



I kid of course, I will eventually purchase hangers, but for now I kind of enjoy the look. It's actually quite a nice size as well. As for security... heh heh heh, well I had to resort to a little breaking and entering the other night as a result of locking my keys in my room. I am happy to report that the window-screen frames easily bend and are in fact large enough for me to pass through at an upward angle.


I guess that's really all to report for now. Another update another day :)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

"Your weapons, you will not need them"

Last night I faced off against my greatest enemy.


"Know thy self, know thy enemy" -Sun Tzu

"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself." -William Faulkner

"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." -Jack Handy

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Friday, April 27, 2007

Snoopy vs The Medium Sized Baron

A bunch of Zellers Graphic Tees went on sale this week, but the largest size I could find for any of them was medium. I thought I would try my luck with an adorable blue shirt with Snoopy and Charlie Brown (it has them cuddling and reads "All You Need Is Love"). But unfortunately it was a little too tiny for my upper-half :S

Dismayed I do what I do with every piece of cool clothing I find that doesn't fit me. I gave it to a friend. But today I thought I would try my luck again and tried on another medium shirt. For reasons I'll never comprehend this one fit.

Behold the world of Peanuts in all its glory!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

In case you didn't get the email

Hello All,

This year's summer Shakespeare (or "Shakespeare on the Grass" as I believe it is called), will be As You Like It. This is a casting call! I will be holding auditions next Monday and Tuesday. They are cold reads (so don't try to memorize a two page soliloquy between now and then). Please let me know if you can't make it and still want to be involved, I understand that this is very short notice.

Here's the skinny: Rehearsals will be from 6-9 on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I will likely add some Sunday evening rehearsals closer to the show (transportation permitting). This will make the rehearsal process intense as the show will go on as is tradition on the final full weekend of June. The dates are June 21-24. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. That's seven weeks people, but we CAN and WILL do it and it will be awesome!

I'm looking for 6 males and 4 females who are committed, hard working, love to act and have a decent grasp of classical text. Don't sweat the auditions. All I'm looking for is if you can read Shakespeare and take direction.

Please forward this on to everyone you think will be interested. Post it on Facebook and your blogs. I will be thankful.

Hope to see as many people out as possible, and if anyone is interested in SMing for a Theatre Practicum, please let me know ASAP. Also you can use an acting role as a Practicum as well.


Lots of love,

Liz

Sunday, April 22, 2007

While my guitar gently weeps

Recently I have been picking away at my guitar. I learned a couple of new simple songs, and I have been using it to aid in my singing. Part of my York audition was to sing an unaccompanied song, but I find that practicing with my guitar helps my voice find where it's supposed to be.

But not twenty minutes ago a tragedy occurred. I had leaned my guitar against my laundry hamper hastily last night before conking out for some much needed sleep. This afternoon I carelessly hopped into my computer chair and rolled back. This was the result:




Gentle Ben!

For those unfamiliar with the tradition of guitar naming, generally a male names his guitar after a woman who broke his heart. Since no men (or women) had broken my heart to this point I went for the next closest thing: I named the guitar just after Ben Affleck had begun to date Jennifer Lopez. Plus the name has a lovely ring for a soft accoustic "classical" guitar.

I have had the guitar since I was 11. It was a Christmas present. At the time I was in the Seneca Central guitar club (which largely consisted of myself, Chris Jaic, Willy Harris and Kassandra Killman trying to get out of recess by hanging around inside pretending to learn to play guitar). I took lessons for a short while and then kind of put the guitar aside for a number of years, forgetting virtually everything aside from how some of the chords looked.

A few years ago I picked it up again and started to learn a few songs, with some encouragement from my fella, brother and a few guitar-saavy friends. Gentle Ben has been an easy guitar to learn on with his nylon strings and small body. I will miss him. As a tribute to Ben (not, I promise, as a punishment to anyone else) I am putting up one of the videos I took of myself singing and playing so that I could hear how I sounded.

My singing is its usual shakey self and I kind of screw up during the chorus, but in the immortal words of Mr Burns: "We did 35 takes, and THIS was the best one."


Friday, April 20, 2007

0 Frames per Second

I am off to the camera repair shop (Black's) because I cannot retrieve my photos from Montreal or the rest of my trip. I am fairly certain that my camera or memory card has malfunctioned and erased the entire trip. Bah humbug. Thus I cannot leave you with any lovely pictures or movies of my adventure :(
The good news is that you have yet another opportunity to acquire free booze from yours truly. This time around I'm giving away rum, and I'm at the Algonquin road LCBO from 4 to 8 tonight.



**************************


Also of interest:


"It is widely accepted that in 1971, a group of teenagers at San Rafael High School in San Rafael, California, calling themselves "The Waldos", used to meet every day after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana at the Louis Pasteur statue. The term became part of their group's salute, "420 Louis," and it eventually caught on more widely. Many cannabis users continue to observe 4:20 as a time to smoke communally. By extension April 20 ("4/20" in U.S. dating shorthand) has evolved into a counterculture holiday, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis.

There are also many apocryphal urban legends attempting to explain the origin of the term. Two of the most common of these are that 420 refers to the number of active ingredients in cannabis (in actuality, there are around 315 active chemicals in cannabis, varying depending on the exact plant used), or that it is a police dispatch code related to cannabis. The San Francisco Police Department use "420" as a dispatch code for juvenile disturbances,and while this explains the origin of the urban legend, does not account for the origin of the term."
- (Wikipedia)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Blog Therapy


To a young man I don't love,

When I saw you tonight, for the first time in five years I got a feeling that I did not expect. You smiled at me and said that you knew I would do great at my audition. Suddenly I was eighteen again.

I was not in love with you. I also did not so much love the "idea of you" but the idea of what you COULD be. I would look at you when you smiled warmly at me and see something that I didn't think anyone else saw. You were the most popular guy at school, good looking, funny and athletic. Every girl had a crush on you and every teacher fawned over you. You acted like a typical jock and were a cocky sarcastic jerk. You were lazy and took advantage of your popularity and status.

But every once in a while I would sit with you in class or on the bus and you would talk to me like you were a real person and I thought I somehow saw the real you. You had something in your eyes that went much deeper than all of this. I saw a potential for you to be something kinder, smarter, more interesting and thoughtful. I then romanticized the day that you would leave your crazy-controlfreak-abnoxious girlfriend and we would run away from Cayuga and all the stupid crap at CSS.

I confused this with love, but in reality it was just a romanticized ideal of your potential. I looked at how hurt you were when you lost your bestfriend and wanted you to be happy again. I looked at the path you were headed down and thought you could do better.

I am glad that even through my starry eyes and distorted adolescent notion of love... that I was right. Way to go.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Overheard in Montreal

Le Fille D'Ontario Est Stupide!

Francophone #1: ????
Francophone #2: ????
Francophone #1: (laughs) ????

---Notre Dame de Grace

Overheard by Ignore_ant_anglo

Alright just kidding. I think I had to pull out the "Parlez vous Anglais?" about three times, and probably only SHOULD have once. Mostly it had to do with my slaughtering of the French language beyond the comprehension of native speakers.


Anyways, what you really wanted:

Overheard in New York

Suit: I was up in Toronto last week. It was nice, but it was really cold.
Guy: Yeah, it's beautiful up there, but they get winter really early. It's like that Shakespeare line, 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'
Suit: [Befuddled silence.]

--LIRR into Penn Station

Sunday, April 15, 2007

I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Pearson

Section B- Problem Solving

1. Liz departs from Montreal at 8:00pm on Saturday to Toronto. The luggage she checks does not accompany her. At 10pm in Toronto she is told that her luggage will arrive at 11pm that night and shipped to her in York the next day by noon. At 5:45pm the next day (Sunday) she receives a telephone call telling her that her luggage has "just" (assume "just" is an undefined variable) arrived in Toronto. The Lester B Pearson International Airport in Toronto is 59.92 Kilometres North East of York. How long will it take for Liz to be reunited with her luggage?

a) 2 hours (assuming light Sunday traffic and an average of 30kms/hour)
b) 24 hours
c) 48 hours
d) "Well probably sometime late Tuesday. You don't have anything important in there do you?"


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Something New

I'm off to Montreal for the weekend. I will be auditioning for the Drama and Development program which, theoretically, I will use to qualify for their MA in Drama Therapy.

This path is not so much the hard-core acting path as it is the "combining all things Liz and hoping that works out somehow" path. I would like to work with kids with disabilities doing drama games and puppetry, or at-risk teens doing Shakespeare and Classical productions to buiild character and team work skills.

But part of me still wants to just act. To just follow the dream, move to TO, get an agent and work the theatre/film/TV circuit. I suspect along with a part time gig at the Hudson's Bay Company :S yay.

For that reason I'm auditioning for York's MFA in Acting next Wednesday. I am doing a piece from Waiting for the Parade and Hamlet for my audition. I love both pieces and hope that my off-beat takes on them will play well.

Aside from that I just keep my fingers and toes crossed and pick up as many pennies as I can find.

Here's to a career in the Theatre Arts! (chugs glass of wine)



High diddily dee, an actor's life for me!

Friday, April 06, 2007

As if South Park wasn't enough

And this is why a bunny SHOULD be the Pope. It's the way Jesus would have wanted it.

Bunnies Rule!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

A Very Special South Park Easter

After a day of dealing with hundreds of jerks at Zellers who decided to observe Easter by swarming our stores to buy thousands of dollars worth of chocolate it was refreshing to find out that there was indeed a reason.

This is actually beautiful... in a weird way:


http://www.allabout-sp.net/?p=season11/1105

Monday, April 02, 2007

"Can't talk coming down"

I had another unfortunate mental lull amidst the dates surrounding my Birthday. Some of this was probably due to an anaphylactic reaction, being sick to my stomach and over working myself. Still- no excuses- I apologize for any disgruntled nature that came anyone's way. I'm a tool. Probably a wrench.

Despite working on my Birthday I had many high points. I got calls from all of my loving family with varying degrees of our traditional "Happy Birthday wailing". I got some B-Day cash which allowed me to purchase a camera I have been eying for sometime that went on an incredible sale. With it I have thus far taken taken a couple of blog-worthy from the premiere of my first ever professional acting gig-







Thanks also to Brian for the singing & guitar playing Mexican cats... that was what was in the ecard right? I hope I didn't hallucinate again...
Also I got some lovely presents from the likes of Joe MacDonald, in the form of a Gameboy Advance :D. And I got the brand-spanking new Modest Mouse CD and an iTunes card from the Rootman and Hazel-nut, and Stephie got me a book called "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amatuer Theatre" (which I'm pretty sure was the alternate title for Peter Brooke's "The Empty Space). Mr Root also treated me to a Banana split full of empty vitamins. Many thanks all about!!

Anyways, something fascinating discovered on my Birthday:

On March 31st 1981 (two years before my birth! *hint hint* alibi) Ronald Reagan was shot. Not such a shocking piece of trivia until you know that my brother Scott was born on November 22nd, 1985... for non-history buffs... 23 years after JFK was assasinated! Tell me that isn't a little weird.





Sorry for the poor sync-up, but I feel it's worth it.

That's all from the new 24 year old for now.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

A Time to Reflect

10 years ago... It was 1997

1.) How old were you?: Fourteen

2.) Where did you go to school?: JL Mitchener Public School

3.) Where did you work?: I babysat occasionally

4.) Where did you live? 23 King St, York

5.) Where did you hang out? There aren't really places to "hang out" in Cayuga

6.) Did you wear glasses? Nope

7.) Who was your best friend?: Chris Jaic

8.) How many tattoos did you have? Aside from some rub-ons nodda.

9.) How many piercings did you have? two

10.) What car did you drive?: Go-Kart

11.) Had you been to a real party yet? Unfortunately I had.

12.) Had your heart broken?: I think the more appropriate term is having your hormones broken.

13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Single and not bitter. One of the few times in my life that I was really quite content on my lonesome.

14.) Favourite band: No Doubt

15.) Favourite movie: The Rock


5 years ago... It was 2002

1.) How old were you?: 19

2.) Where did you go to school?: Cayuga Secondary School

3.) Where did you work?: Subway. This particular day as I recall >:(

4.) Where did you live?: Still York, later that year Peterborough.

5.) Where did you hang out?: Work and school

6.) Did you wear glasses? Still no

7.) Who was your best friend?: Sutor and Tammy

8.) Who was your regular-person crush?: I refuse to admit on the grounds that it is WAY too embaressing.

9.) How many tattoos did you have?: none.

10.) How many piercings did you have?: Same old, same old, though I had a fake nose ring I liked to wear on occasion.

11.) What car did you drive? I sort of gradually took over the Intrepid by placing my empty pizza boxes and gym clothes in the back seat and reprogramming the radio stations to 102.1 the Edge.

12.) Had you had your heart broken? At that age it's more like having your brain broken.

13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Single til the summer

14.) Favourite Band: The Dave Matthews Band (in fact I was just about to see them in concert for the first time as a B-Day present)

15.) Favourite movie: Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail

Presently

1.) How old are you?: 24 today :)

2.) Where do you work? Zellers and Signature Group Creative Marketing

3.) Where do you live? Sudbury, in my professor's house!

4.) Do you wear glasses?: Nope (PS: Andrew aren't you SUPPOSED to wear glasses?)

5. Who do you hang out with most? :P The Zellers staff, the Dooly's staff, Joe and Andrew.

6.) Do you talk to your old friends?: Zach and Yvonne for sure!

7.) How many piercings do you have?: My earring holes have grown over.

8.) How many tattoos?: I want a tattoo of a lizard crawling up my back.

9.) What kind of car do you drive? Sudbury transit is my ride.

10.) Has your heart been broken?: At this age you realize that the Tin Man was right. That's how you know you have one.

11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Single, occasionally bitter :p

12.) Favourite band: Too many to chose from. At the moment I'm grooving on Arcade Fire, Bright Eyes and Feist.

13.) Favourite movie: Still a Python fan. Truthfully I am a huge sucker for Big Fish. It probably has my all-time favourite half hour of movie-making in the history of cinema (from him arriving at the circus, through to him arriving home from the war).

Friday, March 30, 2007

Her favourite flowers are daffodils

Don't forget to support that Canadian Cancer Society, this week (and I think next) they are selling daffodils!

Because one can never have too many...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Oh Geez

You have a mission. It is to go to the Rainbow Showcase Theatre and see the movie Fido. Not only is it the only thing worth watching at the movies right now (so far as I can tell) but I get the distinct feeling that it will not be at these cinemas for long. After all how can it compete with the likes of Norbit and Saw VIII?

It is satire at it's finest: both subtle and ridiculous (occasionally at the same time). It has all the makings of a cult classic. Possibly a cult of the living dead.




How else to describe it? It's like Dawn of the Dead meets Pleasantville, meets Bubba Ho-Tep encounters a cousin of The Stepford Wives and has a long distance relationship with Death Becomes Her.

What? I'm making observations about movies I've seen. I think it's healthy.

Monday, March 26, 2007

What am I doing?

Seriously. What am I doing with my life? If I get hit by a train tomorrow what will I have accomplished? Today I dealt with this woman complaining to me that at 80,000 HBC points for a $10 gift card at Zellers it "Isn't worht it". Isn't worth what? Pulling a card out of your damn wallet when you buy something? Shopping a huge cheap discount store and getting free crap for doing so? I mean I know it's made out to be more phenominal than it is, but the points are effing FREE people, what do you expect?! At 10 points you get a $50 gift card, congradulations we're out of business. Like what other place are you getting such sensational points from? Canadian Tire money? Airmiles?

You know what's "not worth it"? $8.25/hour to listen to you bitch about how your points aren't worth enough.



If I don't get into Grad school don't be surprised if my next production is "The Assasination and Persecution of Jean Paul Marat as performed by the inmates of the Assylum at Charenton under the direction of Liz Buchanan".

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Lyrics for the day

Hey, I ain't never coming home
Hey, I'll just wander my own road
Hey, I can't meet you here tomorrow
Say goodbye don't follow

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

FREE ALCOHOL ON ST PATRICK'S DAY!

Now that I have your attention...

FREE ALCOHOL ON ST PATRICK'S DAY!


Seriously! On March 17th at the Algonquin Rd LCBO I am doing a tasting for the new Starbucks Cream and Coffee liquors. Come out and give them a try! I seriously don't care if you buy it or not, but I may need a little positive support as I attempt to sell a cream liquor on St Patty's day that isn't Baily's :S

Anyhow, come on out and see me at the Algonquin Rd liquor store on Saturday between 12:30 and 4:30 and get free booze and cookies.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

And Liz Came Tumbling After

Yesterday I took a little tumble down my hill. I was always amazed that this didn't ever happen at Pearl St. I was rushing down the hill to get to the bus station in time for a quick Tim's break when I wiped out on some invisible ice. I went for a good two metre or so slide and knocked many numerous parts of my being around. I immediately got up and kept on going hoping that I wasn't hurt. After a short time I felt fine and rejoiced in my fabulous Wolverine-esque healing strength. It is possible that this was premature.

I woke up this morning and my whole body hurts. It's like I got run over by a train or something. I couldn't get a good picture of the bruise in the small of my back (chalk that up to a low megapixel digital camera and being too sore to twist my body around into good lighting). So here's my elbow bruise which was way cooler this morning:



I'm actually a big fan of bruises. I figure if it hurts you might as well have something to show for it.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Things I could watch if I got.... Satalite!

The music might be going down-hill, but a new career may be in the works...

Having said that I couldn't find an acting clip from the show that lasted long enough, so I went with the cool piano scene with Hugh Laurie:

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Self Expression

When we do a good job at Zellers they reward us with what are called "Speeding Tickets" for providing "fast and friendly" customer service. When we collect enough of these we get to pick a pin to decorate our uniform.

That's right...



we get FLAIR!

In other news I MIGHT be able to quit Jade. I started getting some LCBO shifts again... fingers crossed!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

A Typical Evening in Customer Service

The scene- there is a sale on Folgers Coffee, and naturally after a few days we have run out...

Customer: Where's the coffee?
Me: We ran out pretty quickly the sale started a few days ago. I can write you a rain-cheque if you like.
Customer (indignantly): Well, how long is that going to take?
Me: I really can't say. Usually we keep stuff like that stocked so maybe a week. We can have them call you when it comes in-
Customer: -That isn't going to get me a cup of coffee tomorrow morning, is it?

FREEZE!!

What I said:

"No I'm sorry, but there are other brands in the store, or you may be able to locate it at the Supermarket here in the mall"

What I PROBABLY could've gotten away with saying but didn't have the guts to:

"Here's a buck twenty-five, get yourself some damn Tim Hortons"

What I wanted to say drenched in sarcasm:

"Oh I'm sorry, you need the coffee TOMORROW? In that case I'll go to the back and grind some beans! If you need cream I can stop by the dairy farm on the way back."


ANYWAYS!

I got most of this out of my system at Dooly's this evening, bless Jenny and Steph's patient souls, but today was the sort of day when there was no right side of the bed to begin with.

I worked both at the Jade and Zellers back to back, which is usually not as bad when Zellers is the second. However despite my genius plan to avoid forgetting my uniform for the second job by packing it my back-pack the night before I managed to foil myself by getting half way downtown and realizing that I didn't have my back-pack on. So I missed the 9:45 Paris LoEllen (because let's face it if you don't arrive at the Sudbury transit terminal 45 minutes before work starts, then you shouldn't expect to get there on time), but came up with an alternate plan. I would ride Regent University at 10, get off on Paris street and run up Paris street to the Four Corners. For those with no knowledge of Sudbury geography, it's a good hike. This actually worked relatively well until I ran through a huge freezing puddle and DRENCHED my feet throroughly. I would have spent nearly 12 hours working on my feet in soaking wet socks and shoes, had I not come up with the unsurpassably ridiculous plan of wearing my mittens on my feet all day.
The Jade was the usual Jade. I got reprimanded for doing stupid things like offering to cut up a customer's brithday cake and serve it at their table. This apparently qualifies as a "waste of time" because the customer can cut their own cake. I should be spending my time doing more valuable things like chopping cabbage until it is razor thin ("No, no finer finer!"), because if there's one thing that will keep people coming to the Jade for special occasions with large groups it's imperfect cole-slaw.
Things did not get much better at Zellers.
It seems like everytime I get a nice Manager, idiot employees take advantage of them and treat them like crap until they break them. I had been noticing for a few days that my really super nice manager at Zellers seemed strung-out. Staff have been stealing, back-stabbing, faking sick to get out of work and bitching about the job non-stop. The big Z brought in a new Customer Service Manager to straighten things out (this could be a story in and of itself). The boss I like (the Store Manager) looked deflated and tired. I was saddened by this and had worked up some courage to ask him if I could help out in anyway (despite feeling that I was stepping over my boundaries) tonight. I got in and found out that he quit yesterday because he just couldn't take it anymore.
I hope that the change will help him and that he will have success elsewhere. I don't know him that well, but he seems like a really nice guy and he took the time each shift I was there to tell me that I was doing a good job and to thank me for helping out with extra stuff.
The entire thing leaves me with a pretty unpleasant feeling about the store and the atmosphere is getting really intense. While it's nowhere near as bad as the restaurant, at least at the Jade the customers are usually nice.
I think I need a hug from Zeddy the Teddy.

That's enough for now. Time to get some rest so that I can start a fresh new day of being yelled at by jerks! Being a 20-something rocks!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

"I know what I'm getting for my next Laptop!"

Having minimal production values and simple concept in a commercial=1000000 youtube parodies. I feel, however, that this one is note-worthy:




Notes:

1) I had three titles chosen. This was the most mature.

2) If anyone finds this offensive, please see the following disclaimer

Monday, February 26, 2007

Mi

I realized tonight that I am actually off both jobs tomorrow. I also realized that this saddens me. I am giving anyone who actually still reads this a mission: help me find a reason to get out of bed tomorrow. There's a reasonable chance I won't otherwise.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Employee of the Month

My big fat Greek boss at the Cardinal once said that my accent was "Pompous", but then ran and grabbed his English phrase book when I gave him a funny look.

Once my Camp Director at Lakewood finished my summer performance review with "But I'm still glad you were on staff this summer."

Let's face it, bosses say stupid things sometimes.

But yesterday oh yesterday.


I was faint at work a few days ago and yesterday my boss at the Jade Garden asked me if I had gone to see the doctor. I explained that I was on some meds that occassionally make me very dizzy and that I was going to see the doctor in a few weeks anyways. She asked me what the meds were for and I declined to comment, which I think is perfectly fair, but she followed up with "Are they affecting your head?" I took this to mean "Do you get headaches?". I said "Yes sometimes" she responded, "Yes you see I notice. I see you are nice person... like I think you are good person, but it seems like there is something wrong with your head."

I seriously hope nothing ever tops that.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

We don't want no Mac and Cheese! Hey Dalton- reduce the fees!

I think LU would run much more effectively if every Board of Governors meeting happened like this:



*stolen from The Northern Life

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Advice to live your life

So you want to have the best Valentines Day possible? Well here are the three ways you can increase your Valentines Day pleasure. Accoring to University educated Symbologist Liz Buchanan the best way to have the best Valentines Day is to

ONE: Hit John Tesh very hard with a large blunt object. If there are no blunt objects available try a good old fashion punch to the face. He will not strike first as he is only capable of punching the first verb in every sentence.

TWO: When he regains consciousness explain to him (and Dr. Phil should time permit) that not every problem can be solved with a sound-bite intended for small child.

THREE: If that doesn't work try hitting him with the large blunt object again. Redundancy is very important on the John Tesh radio show, and saying the same thing over again in a slightly different way is key to patronizing listeners.

So to summarize: large blunt object, a good talking to and repeat large blunt object. This is 100% guarunteed to help you live a long life and impress your co-workers. Just tell them you heard it here, on Liz Buchanan's blog. The most credible source for pulling random thoughts out of my ass and holding them up on a pedestal as a way to live your life.

"One oh five point three... one oh five point three..."

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Breaking News: The Second Coming!

You might call it tabloid reporting, but I am positive that this picture proves once and for all, what rock critics have been saying all along...








Get behind me Satan!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Sentenced to finish this quiz...

because what else would I do with my day off?

1. I've come to realize that my ex is... one of the only people reading this

2. I am listening to... my computer humming

3. I talk … constantly

4. I love… theatre. Sometimes I think that it does not love me back.

5. My best friends... are all moving to France.

7. I lost... "it". I swear I once had it.

8. I hate it when people... wake me up purring at 6:30AM and then pee on the carpet anyways later in the afternoon- oh wait that's cats.

9. Love is... not love which alters when it alteration finds... (finish that and win 10000 Liz points)

10. Marriage is… defined as a union between a man and a woman, a man and a man, a woman and a woman or a conservative and their ignorance.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking... I'm sure I can lick my elbow if I try hard enough.

12. I'll always be... short!

13. I have a crush on... my boyfriend: Ewan McGreggor

14. The last time I cried was because... my tear ducts realeased liquid.

15. My cell phone… is actually making my life a lot easier.

16. When I wake up in the morning... I try to convince myself there's a reason to get out of bed.

17. Before I go to sleep at night... I spend numerous hours rolling around (I'm battling a little insomnia at the moment)

18. Right now I am thinking about... not having to work tonight. It's making me happy.

19. Babies are... little miracles. Scientifically explicable, completely common, generally unsurprising miracles.

20. I get on myspace... and then remember that I don't have a myspace account.

21. Today I... went to the school to do a bunch of paper work/picking up stuff/making appointments.

22. Tonight I will... watch a movie perhaps.

23. Soon I will... eat.

24. I really want... nothing at all. I think that happens at the other end of inner-peace spectrum as well.

25. The person who is most likely to repost this... Andrew but he will probably steal it from someone else's site. And it will probably take a few days.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Sleep will come soon...

Hello all...

I do still exist. To many, my apologies for not being able to take part in the day of action as I was starting a new job (#3, although this is the first one with any reliability!) and to others simply apologies if I was supposed to remember to do something for you or call you or something. I suck. And I don't sleep anymore. Seriously I get like 2 hours a night. I have this combination of working everyday and insomnia. I think I might be going totally insane. At least I am no longer embaressingly poor! Soon I will even have my bills caught up.

My new job you ask? I'm working at Zellers. It's actually really great. The training program is excellent and they treat you like a real human being coming to work for them. I am starting to get the hang of the cash, and once I do it should get a lot easier from here on out.

And now, senseless violence:

Thursday, February 01, 2007

"Oh Good"

I'm sorry. The angry rant is gone now.

Yipes. Needless drama.


Um SPEAKING OF WHICH

You will not believe what I just came across:



Sweet Jesus. The Mooninites are attacking!

"Earthling and your puny 3 dimensions"

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Up and down and all around

Tonight is another low one.

My new job is sketchy to say the least. The Buffet that I serve at... which we will call the "Green Flower Bed Buffet" is a health and safety nightmare. The kitchen is digsgusting (food sitting everywhere on surfaces I don't think have been washed... ever, fat and grease caked on to every surface, boxes and garbage and dirty dishes piled everywhere all the time, etc) It's seriously frightening.
This combined with a sexist hiring policy (only women can be servers) has posed a serious ethical dilema. I can do one of three things: 1) Proceed as I am currently, 2) Complain to the manager, 3) Quit.

Truthfully I will probably do #1. Besides being totally spineless I am also REALLY enjoying the tips that I make at lunch. Even if it's because I'm busting my butt as the only server for the entire rush time.

At any rate. Now I've gotten to vent so I don't feel quite so bad. Perhaps some food will improve my overall well-being. Off I go!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Sign of the Bull

I get one of those Daily Horoscope things on my homepage. Most days I just roll my eyes, but today was blog-worthy:

"If you've been thinking about starting a garden, this is a great day to do it, as anything relating to the land begun today is likely to thrive. Doubts about your financial security might be on your mind, dear Aries. They're probably misplaced, as you should continue to do well. However, your doubts can serve a purpose in that they could inspire you to take steps to ensure that your situation continues. Go to it!"

I can't even begin...

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Please keep checking now and then. I will eventually post something new when I have some energy.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

How Bill Sanders saved my life

Firstly: I am on an LU French keyboard so I apologize for the MLAish Formal Essay writing style of this post as I cannot use contractions.

I have been working at the LU Bookstore of late (more on this subject later) and after work yesterday I made a mad dash to the Acting for the Camera class at Thorneloe. Why? Long story. A clue: I thought that the activity of the day would be watching the movie that was made at the end of last year, however the class was doing something else.
Bill invited me to join in as each student got in front of the camera, and with the lense inches from our face he proceeded to tell us all what he saw. In particular whether a casting director would give us the time of day.
It was too late to run.

I have long been informed that I am not a female romantic lead. I do not pretend that I am (though I have let myself get crushed by this the odd time). It is difficult to accept when one has a passion to act that she will always be type cast as mean teachers, drunks and assistant directors because she is a ¨character actor¨. As Bill so eloquently noted ¨See Steve Buchsemi will not play a male romantic lead, because he is an ugly motherfucker¨. Sigh.

In classic Liz-defensive style I tried to avoid going in front of the camera and on my way up I made cracks about how Bill was going to break my heart by telling me I would never be a Juliet. I got in front of the camera and Bill said ¨Wow Liz, I am surprised, you can TOTALLY be a female romantic lead.¨

And I thought: ¨WHY DID I NOT TAKE THIS CLASS THREE YEARS AGO?!¨ You know when I still had a shred of self-confidence to build on? Hm, perhaps that would have been more like ten years ago.


ANYWAYS!

It is probably a good thing that the bookstore job is only temporary. I really do not belong there:

Student: I am looking for American Popular Music for Music in Pop II
Me: Oh god, you DO NOT need to buy that book. He just lectures straight from the text every class and it is stupidly easy.

Student: This text book is expensive, but I really want a fun elective this semester.
Me: You should take Theatre Movement. It is super fun and there is no text!

Student: Holy crap, $260 for Quantum Physics!
Me: Yeah, but if you had a PhD in Quantum Physics, would you want to charge people $260 for your brilliance?

Good looking male student: Hey your name is Liz right? We met on the bus!
Me: Heh, uh.. yeah... me... yes... me Liz.


Plus I wander around the store during down-time and read text books. Because I am a NERD.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Revenge of the Who (Liz's Holiday)

Like any year Christmas came much the same way,
but Liz's landlord's heart didn't grow one size that day.
Liz left her apartment, notice in hand,
but before she departed she had a plan.

She taped up some signs warning those who might rent
to be weary of hazards before their money was spent.
The broken TV and oven and chair
the path that's not lit where you easily trip on the stair.

And before she departed she poured down the sink
some two week old milk that had started to stink.
As her final remark to her landlords of past:
Hope your Christmas was Merry, but you can both kiss my ass.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Some how or other it came just the same...

Christmas 2006

This month did not start with much Christmas festivity. Perhaps better than SOME Decembers in the past, but certainly a little humbuggish.

However within a few days of being back with the Buchanan clan, I am ho-ho-hoing again.

The season started with some of our long-standing traditions: I rearranged all of the decorations on the tree in the usual way that I conujur up concerns of an obessive compulsive disorder linked to evenly spaced ornaments, my Grandmother from the states called my father while cooking the "Buchanan Family Traditional Raselberry Pudding" to get the recipe, and of course we rearranged my mother's little snowmen:











Apparently we're "making" her crazy. She was in slightly better mental health at the Christmas Eve service where our church has started reading the King James version of Luke 2:1-15 ("on Earth peace, goodwill to man" because THAT'S what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown).

Other traditions include my brother and I exchanging presents before the midnight service:









and waiting at the top of the stairs for Dad to take a picture of us coming down the stairs on Christmas morning. Note my brother's enthusiasm at me waking him up at 8am:

(apologies for the orientation, it's taking forever to load images)




Scott's enthusiasm however has nothing on Mog's enthusiasm:



A few traditions went by the way side for us this year. I had been sad originally about some of these (family dinner, not putting my decorations up, no Christmas cookies) BUT something else proved far more exciting and memorable for this Christmas:







MY AUNTIE BRENDA AND BRIAN ARE GETTING MARRIED!



It was a surprise to many, but my Grandma and I knew better :)

I guess it was us three living together this summer, we saw it coming. Anyways, I am very happy for them, as they are both very cool people.


Not to be out-done ;) my parents renewed their vows for their 25th Wedding Anniversary:



Congradulations Mom on getting into your wedding gown. They both look awesome!
The ceremony took place tonight, and they are off to Mexico to enjoy their second Honeymoon.



So that was Christmas 2006. A nice surprise if I do say so myself.
And now I leave you with what will potentiall be next year's card, or my album cover:






Mariah has NOTHING on me.


Friday, December 22, 2006

It hasn't snowed a single flurry, Fozzie we're all in a hurry!

I'm heading home in 3 hours :)
Have a Merry Christmas all! Lots of love to you and yours, and peace on earth goodwill to man.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Blue Christmas

How this December feels as told by the Fraggles at their Winter Solstice Festival of the Bells:

MOKEY: We should do something to try to keep our spirits up.
WEMBLEY: How about a postcard from Gobo's Uncle Travelling Matt?
RED: Stand by spirits going down!

**********

It looks like my luck is about to change! How do I know? A pigeon crapped on my shoulder today. The grosser the dropping the better the luck right?


**********

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Huh, didn't see that one coming.


I can't help but feel I've abused this power.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

A Public Service Announcement

The latest cartoon on The Perry Bible Fellowship, while seemingly amusing is actually addressing a serious medical condition. Tetris Cerebrus, or Tetris Brain, occurs when the mind has been playing Tetris non-stop for extended periods of time (generally in the absense of work or study) and begins to sort everything as such. They begin stacking things in their mind and planning out strategies for particularly difficult Tetris scenerios in their sleep. The symptoms generally clear up after a few days of self-control:

Friday, December 15, 2006

How the Grinch stole my heat

Liz lived in Sudbury and liked Christmas a lot.
But her landlords, who lived south of Sudbury did not.
Her landlords turned off the heat in the cold Christmas season,
now please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be perhaps that their funds were too tight,
Or perhaps that their heads weren't screwed on just right.

But I think that the most likely reason of all, may have been that their hearts were two sizes too small.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Waiting for Godot

************
Oops. Godot came while I was Dooly's

************

I am waiting for a phone call, and in the meantime I have stolen an activity from the Rootman:

1)Joe
2)Andrew
3)Angelo
4)Luke
5)Laura
6)Xander
7)Lizzie V
8)Erica
9)Michael Hooper
10)Natalie
11)Scott
12)Genevieve

Q: Have you ever kissed number 7 (Lizzie V)?
A: We must have. I am certain of it. But just to be sure I will kiss her the next time I see her.

Q: What's the best memory you have of 9(Michael Hooper)?
A: Well basically I have two to chose from, last New Years Eve and "Get in the duct hatchet face!". I'll go with MST3K

Q: When's the next time you're gonna see 4(Luke)?
A. Hopefully Saturday night?

Q: Is number 8 (Erica) pretty?
A: Downright beautiful!

Q: What was your first impression of number 10 (Natalie)?
A: "Oh hey you're Natty-pants, I'm the Tizzer!"

Q: How did you meet 3 (Angelo)?
A: I want to say Erica's party two summers ago, though we kind of met by extension of the blogging community I believe.

Q: Is 11 (Scott) your best friend?
A: Actually yeah.

Q: Have you seen 5 (Laura) in the last month?
A: Yep, at the MacBeth opening and Tartuffe auditions.

Q: Do you think 2 (Andrew) has a crush on you?
A: (my best recollection of the subtitles) "No, you owe me an explanation! First you fall into my arms out of the sky, then when I show up at your school to do an inspection there you are! You are even in my dreams, you must really have a crush on me" -Life is Beautiful (kind of)

Q: When was the last time you saw 12 (Genevieve)?
A: I believe it was at a party of Erica's for her birthday sometime ago.

Q: Have you ever been to 1's (Joe's) house?
A: Once or twice

Q: Would you ever kiss 6 (Xander)?
A: Only because I was specifically directed to do so :P

Q: When's the next time you'll see 10 (Natalie)?
A: Good question. Perhaps I'll eventually make it out to Australia!

Q: Are you really close to 3 (Angelo)?
A: Not REALLY, but he's seen me on the verge of a mental collapse. Actually so have most people I know, so I don't know if that qualifies. Sorry Angelo.

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 4 (Luke)?
A: Actually... I don't think we have! That's craziness.

Q: Have you ever gotten in trouble with 2 (Andrew)?
A: We did think we were getting in trouble once. We probably SHOULD have gotten in a lot more trouble in Shakespeare than we did.

Q: Would you ever go out with number 7 (Lizzie V)?
A: Especially when she's a rich doctor! She's buying!

Q: What do you and number 3 (Angelo) talk about the most?
A: I guess movies and the stress of applying to grad school.

Q: Do you even know 9 (Michael Hooper)?
A: I suppose not very well. Particularly given the fact that I know him by extension of others and still refer to him by his full name.

Q: Would you give number 3 (Angelo) a hug?
A: What are we in grade four? In any case I got my cootie shot back then.

Q: Would you ever go on a date with number 10 (Natalie)?
A: Sorry Natalie, I don't swing that way. I could never date an English major :p

Q: Are you in love with number 12 (Genevieve)?
A: I can't say that I am. But then I've never been very good at telling that.

Q: Have you ever lied to number 6 (Xander)?
A: Well I did tell him I would get him a copy of that video and didn't get around to it. Doh!

Q: Do you know a secret about number 8 (Erica)?
A: I'd take it to the grave if I did.

Q: Describe the relationship between number 9 (Michael Hooper) and number 5 (Laura).
A: Uhhh... the both have commented on my blog?

Q: What is the best thing about your friendship with number 4 (Luke)?
A: The random open mouth kissing.

Q: Have you ever danced with number 7 (Lizzie V)?
A: As a matter a fact we did in a play to some trippy music.

Q: How long have you known number 12 (Genevieve)?
A: I guess a little over a year.

Q: Have you ever been in a fight with number 8 (Erica)?
A: Well if she had just admitted that she loved Aminta in the first place he wouldn't have thrown himself off a cliff!

Q: Does number 9 (Michael Hooper) have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
A: No idea.

Q: Have you ever been a coworker with number 2 (Andrew)?
A: Being the same number on each other's questionaires doesn't make this very interesting. I'll make something up- "Actually we were both stationed together in the gulf. Andrew took a bullet in a gun battle for me and I pulled him from the flaming wreck when his jeep hit a land-mine. We've been friends ever since."

Q: Have you ever wanted to punch number 6 (Xander) in the face?
A: Xander, if you still read my blog, surely you can appreciate why the answer is "yes". Let's face it. We all wanted to hit everyone all the time.

Q: Has number 1 (Joe) ever met your mother?
A: Yes. Within ten minutes she had told a story about our old dog having diahhrea. She always does that.

Q. How did you meet number 6 (Xander)?
A: It was a comedy of errors. I mistook him for a man I mistook for my husband.

Q: Did you ever accidentally physically hurt number 5 (Laura)?
A: I made her do some very uncomfortable exercises to warm up for a show. But that's just because she was fooling around ;)

Q: What is the best memory you have with number 12 (Genevieve)?
A: We don't really have any. Soon perhaps!

Q: Do you live close to 7 (Lizzie V)?
A: Fairly. Maybe about 30 minutes

Q: What is number 2's (Andrew) favorite food?
A: Sheppherd's Pie :)

Q: Out of your top 12, which one would you say is the funniest?
A: Tie- Joe/Andrew

Q: Who is the most flirtatious?
A: Luke can really turn on the charm.

Q: If you could change one thing about number 10 (Natalie), what would it be?
A: Not a darn thing. She seems pretty swell the way she is.

Q: Say something nice about number 11 (Scott).
A: Aw Mom! Fine... he... doesn't really suck...

Q: Which one lives the farthest away?
A: Natalie is on the other side of the planet

Q: Which one do you hang out with the most?
A: Andrew.

Q: Who is the loudest?
A: Xander. That's why our marriage worked so well.

Q: The quietest?
A: Scott. 90% me, 10% awkward silence.

Q: What kind of car does number 12 (Genevieve) have?
A: No idea

Q: Have you traveled anywhere with number 11 (Scott)?
A: Why yes. We've been to New York State, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Ottawa, New York City, Washington DC and Florida.

Q: If you gave number 5 (Laura) $100 dollars tonight, what would they spend it on?
A: I hope something very nice for herself, but I bet she'd buy nice Chirstmas presents for her friends and family.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Christmas brings out the child in us all

I don't pretend to have a very mature sense of humour, but I think this is a new low.

I was in line at the dollar store and something odd caught my eye. There were these sucker/lollypop Christmas things next to the cash registar, but one of them was broken:










To be fair, even if Santa's hand wasn't broken off, Rudolph's face definitely implies that something very not right is going on.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

The movie of my life (as written by my WMplayer)

Opening Credits:------------- Mr Brightside-The Killers (seems like the kind of music that would start a film, but what does it say about me?!)

Waking Up:-------------------- Bitches Brew-Miles Davis (this is my new official nickname for my daily coffee fix)

First Day At School: --------- 2+2=5-Radiohead (Well what do you expect? It's only my first day.)

Falling In Love: -------------- Foxy Lady-Jimi Hendrix (Apparently with a real hot Mama! Or as I often expect, Jimi Hendrix)

Breaking Up:------------------ Subterranean Homesick Blues-Bob Dylan (Um... AHA! It's a lack of clear communication in the relationship.

Prom:-------------------------- School Night-Ani DiFranco (Yes well.)

Dance Sequence:------------ This Must Be the Place-The Arcade Fire (covering the Talking Heads) (Strangely I can actually picture this working as a dance sequence in a movie: it starts off kind of slowly, some people start catching on, a few sing...)

Life's OK:---------------------- Caring Is Creepy-The Shins (Brilliant. Only when I stop caring will life be OK)

Breakdown:------------------- I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You-Tom Waits (Wow, this is a whole new level of love-related cynicism)

Driving:------------------------ Those To Come-The Shins (Driving very slowly, at night as stars appear)

Flashback:--------------------- Crash Into Me (live)-Dave Matthews Band (Probably a flashback of me stalking Dave Matthews)

Getting Back Together:------ Coin Operated Boy-The Dresden Dolls ("my sad picture of girl getting bitter")

Wedding:---------------------- Not About Love-Fiona Apple (I hope I'm at least marrying for money)

Sex Scene:-------------------- Waiting for a Superman-Iron and Wine (covering The Flaming Lips) ("Is it getting heavy?")

Birth of Child:----------------- Don't Panic-Coldplay (Easy for you to say!)

Final Battle:------------------- I'll Believe in Anything-Wolf Parade (Oh I'm definitely winning this battle!)

Death Scene:----------------- I Am Over It-The Dandy Warhols (By "it" I mean "life", I mean that was SO yesterday)

Funeral Song:---------------- Tangled Up in Blue-Ani DiFranco and the Indigo Girls (live, covering Bob Dylan) (Please do play this at my funeral actually. That would be excellent)

End Credits:------------------ One Chance-Modest Mouse (I couldn't make this up)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Hippy Holidays

*****************

Funny story: When I first put this link up for my post the report was different. It was titled something like "Canada defends Same-sex marriage law" and was about the MPs defeating Prime Minister Harper's motion on reopening the Same-Sex marriage debate. The link now leads to a story about Stephen Harper declaring that he will not reopen the issue. Had it read that way initially I wouldn't have given it a "Go Canada" title, but a "Take that you dumb-ass Albertan Neo-Con" title.


In the News: Go Canada!

*****************

May I also present a "White House Christmas Card" to further my position left of centre:

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Wii

Thanks to Joe for this.

And for telling me that one can't leave comments on my Live Space. I'll come back here :)

Also, two T-shirts I will buy when I get my $10million dollar movie contract:




Saturday, December 02, 2006

"Who the hell can see forever anyway?"

Lyrics for the night

Please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like 'We'll meet again'
And 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Because if anyone should be a therapist...

My recent peak of interest is in a program called Creative Art Therapy. It's a Master's Program at Concordia University aimed at using Drama as a clinical therapy tool. Essentially there can't be a better fit for me. It's exciting to find something that seems to be the right path, but it might be a touch precarious. I don't have any psychology credits, not even Intro. Now the program is set up as such, that I ought to be able to take these courses before I begin, but it does put me at a disadvantage applying.

On the positive side, you will not believe how effing cheap it is to live in Montreal! I found an apartment for $460/month for a Bachelor that is less than two blocks from the metro station and a ten minute ride to campus! The campus is right downtown and if you haven't been to Montreal, go. It's amazing.
This is the other part of my motivation for applying. Even if I don't get in, as long as I get an interview I at least get to go to Montreal :D

Now all I have to do is get my reference letters back, get my transcripts (shudder) and write a letter of intent. Le sigh.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Please comply

Hi all.

I got sick of the 30ish daily junk mails that were getting through my spam filter, and the fact that everyone thinks my msn sign-in is my email address. I have decided to simplify. My new msn/email address is thaliasmask@(spam me and die)hotmail.com (because drama_geek isn't drama-geeky enough)
please email me there. As an incentive, the first person to email me and tell me what is so drama-geeky about thaliasmask, gets a certificate of acheivement or something. Sorry no monitary bribing.

PS: Responding here does not count. For once emails trump comments.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

A Day Late

I won't recount the last 48hours on the blog, at this moment in any great detail:

Sick, fainted at work, banged head and jaw, concusion, swelling, still not feeling great, Nissah came to heal me physically and emotionally because she is beautiful in everyway, and a book has captivated me so greatly that I have been reading it with what little brain-power I have by candle-light to stay awake. I will talk more about this later.
PS: When I arrive home tonight I will have electricity. Unless I just imagined that.



Every year around this time I usually take a moment to do my quarterly emotional online purging. I didn't get around to it yesterday, so I thought I might briefly today.

Here is something I think Jay would have liked:




The light shines in the darkness.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Three Weeks Ago

Three weeks ago I recieved a job offer from the Cardinal Motor Inn up here in Sudbury. I had just returned home from an exhausting (to say the very least) apartment hunting expedition and visit. I came up to try to find an apartment as quickly as possible in order to get a roof over my head while I worked. I went with the first reasonably affordable place I could find. This is so far not proving to be the best choice. I began the job before I could even move in, and between working eratic hours to train and moving up, I have had very little time to settle in. To make matters worse, I failed to notice when I was moving in that the electrical outlets are all "two pronged", thus have no ground. Besides being a major safety hazard this is also a seriuos inconvience as I have no computer thus no music, movies or soure of mindless entertainment, which to be fair ranks for most of us somewhere on the second or third level of the pyramid of basic human needs.

All of this was greatly worsened a week ago when I lost the majority of my power altogether, whether two pronged or not. I have four faulty outlets and only one functional light. I can't store food in the refridgerator and I can't cook. I have been doing my best to contact my landlords and deal with the problem, but between a lack of answering machine (on their part) and a 300 or so kilometre highway, it is not as easy as it sounds. Theoretically they will fix the problems this weekend.

I ended up quitting my job at the Cardinal after two weeks. Something about working 40+ hours per week without breaks in an environment that the word "hostile" doesn't do justice to, just didn't appeal to me. Truthfully I was just exasperated trying to handle my supervisor's negativity in a mature assertive fashion, to the point that I couldn't take it any more. I like to think that I have more backbone than that. Apparently I don't.

People who know me well.. or at all I suppose... likely don't think of me as someone that "bottles things up". I guess I don't really, but I think that I try to make it seem as though I'm capable of handling things when I'm really not. People also don't likely think of me as being terribly rational. I would argue that I am. I am very capable of thinking through things in a very logical way and intellectualizing (hmmm sp?) matters close to my heart. In fact it is when I am thinking clearly about things in my life and taking in the bigger picture that I am most happy and feel the most deeply and positively about life.
There seems to be this other side of me however that rears its ugly head from time to time. It is totally irrational, based entirely on gut reactions and peculiar notions that I keep bottled because I know damn well they're stupid things to say outloud. These are the things that I say when I'm drunk, or depressed, or just at my absolute wits end. It doesn't make it OK for me to say these things, in fact I tend to feel worse and worse each time I do.

I started unleashing "evil Liz" if you will, on the world at large about two weeks ago, and I think I've finally got her back under control. Please know that I am not taking lightly the notion of having a split personality, I just simply don't know another way to describe it. I have this deep desire to go back to three weeks ago and try to do things right. Not jump into the first crappy job someone offers me, not move into the first apartment I can find, and not hurt anyone I care about. Just be me, the real me, the one that thinks things through and is careful and considerate. The notion that I can be that person may be the most positive thought I've had about myself in over a year. I think I'll end on that note.

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Star (a cliche monologue 2 years later)

Charlotte, 25, sits holding a cup, looking at it with disdain. She is at a table in a movie trailer. There is a script and some pencils on the table.

CHARLOTTE: Excuse me? I asked you for a low fat cafe latte with NO FOAM. There is foam in my latte. Can you not see the fucking foam? pause No, no, don't try again. I'll drink it, just leave me alone.

The invisible assistant leaves. She takes a sip and shudders. She picks up a script sitting on the table and begins to read quitely to herself, then aloud trying many different unsuccessful tactics.

But Eric you can't die, I love you! But Eric you can't die, I love you! But Eric you can't die I love you! But Eric you can't ActARRRGH! This is impossible. "Play it real Charlotte, I want to hear your voice". I think I fucking know how to act dumbass, I won the emmy for best supporting actor in a daytime drama in 1997, I'm pretty sure I can handle a bit-part in a B-rated movie. This guy doesn't know anything.

But Eric you can't die, I love you! But Eric you can't die, I love you! Christ! "Your voice" No one wants to hear my voice. They want to hear Miranda's voice, the character. Dumbass.

She sits and takes another sip from the latte and shudders

I didn't become an actress to play myself. I became an actress to play characters other people. People who are bold, and strong and brave, beautiful, smart, funny... anything but me.

But Eric you can't die, I love you- and there is foam in my goddamn latte!
Sure they tell you "be yourself" but you can't get anywhere in this business being yourself. No you have to fight for every inch you get.

Hi um I'm Charlotte, yeah nice to meet you, could you please tell me where studio 6 is? HA. It's all an act. Everyday, every moment. I am Charlotte Vanier and you will show me to studio 6. Charlotte Vanier is proud, regal, sassy, sexy. But what am I? Who am I? Be real?

"Charlotte, your boyfriend, what if this was him?" Truely? I haven't SEEN my boyfriend in three months. We don't have time to call, he's barely alive now. I don't REALLY feel anything. "Oh I'd be devestated" "Show me" "Show me" she continues to mimic him for a moment

Fine. You want the REAL me? I am scared, I'm weak, I'm shy, I'm not sexy, I'm alone. Why would anyone want to see ME or hear what I have to say? I might as well be-

pause

Eric you can't die. I love you.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Short and weird. Kind of like me :)

Now that I am completely confident that no one is reading this unless specifically asked to... I present my creative writing:


The Prisoner



My job was simple: guard the prisoner. He was not a

tall or particularly imposing man, perhaps six feet. He sat

against the wall of his cell facing up at the tiny window

nearly ten feet above him. Not nearly enough light to

brighten the dour interior of the prison. He sat

uncomfortably on the drenched cement, his arms resting on

his legs, simply staring out at what was once his world.

I noticed his eyes, not particularly captivating eyes,

but very sincere. His concentration, wherever his stare

happened to be fixed seemed unbreakable. As with most of

the prisoners he was unshaven and dishevelled, the odd

bruise darkening his sickly pale skin. While most had cuts

and deep wounds, there was something striking about his. I

noticed a white imbedded strike carved from the tip of his

right eye brow to the center of his forehead. It was an old

scar. It didn’t especially deform his face, but it was

curious.

He wore his issued clothes, it seemed a size too large

for him and became aware that his pants were beginning to

soak from the cold ground. I saw his hand check for a dryer

spot to sit and his eyes turn towards me. I tossed him

another set of pants. He spoke for the first time since he

had arrived.

“Thank you”. He said with slight surprise in his

voice. It was a deep voice for a meagre man. I turned to

give him his privacy. With my back to him I find a moment,

that for whatever reason seems appropriate and ask, “Where

did you get that scar?”

“Sorry?” he replied.

“On your head I mean. On your forehead.”

“Oh. Long time ago,” he said with a little disease. I

heard him sit back down and turned to see him now sitting

against the back wall of the cell facing out towards me.

“I was in a bar fight,” he said with a bit of a

chuckle. “I guess not much of a fight. I pretty much got my

ass kicked.”

I sat as he said this. I cannot say I was surprised.

Not just because he was not a large daunting man, but from

the few words he had spoken, he did not seem to be a

hardened aggressor.

“How did you end up in a fight?” I asked attempting to

seem casual.

“Heh, the usual way, I suppose. A girl,” he said

grinning. A look of remembrance enters his sincere eyes.

“But not any usual girl, no doubt?” I suspected that

my attempts to sound formal, but still feed my curiosity

were a little transparent.

He smiled at me. “Blonde and petite, a beautiful body

and an innocent smile. I didn’t fall in love with her at

first sight, no. I feel in love with her the first time she

said my name. There was something in the way she looked me

square in the eye and held her lips together before she

began, and softened her voice… I had never been happier to

be me.”

I replied without thinking. “The speaking of a

person’s name an have a powerful affect on that person. It

is how they identify themselves, and how they hope that

they are identified by others. I still to this day miss my

mother calling me by my full name. It used to make me feel

so safe.” I stopped myself.

He looked inquisitively at me for a moment and then

continued. “She was at the bar with a real jackass. She

must have been an angel to have put up with his shit for

all that time. Anyways, they were there and she came over

to talk to me for a few moments. She asked me how work was,

we talked about old times, how my sister was doing, if she

had a new cat, how life was, the usual crap. Of course

coming from her it was like she was touching a deep inner

part of my soul.” He laughed again.

“She left and turned back to her boyfriend, and as she

approached him he gave me a menacing look. He turned back

to her and began yelling some gibberish about ‘who the hell

is he?’ and ‘don’t fucking flirt with other men’, and when

she started apologizing and trying to explain that I was

just a friend he hit her square across the face. Without a

thought, including a thought about how much larger and

stronger he was than I, I practically leaped across the bar

and punched him in the throat. Now granted his throat was

about the size of my thigh, so this did not do the damage I

intended it to. He broke a beer bottle and came after me

with it. He got in about one good slash before a few guys

could hold him back. I just ran for my life.” He again

found enough humour in this to chuckle a little.

“What happened to the girl?”

He suddenly became very sullen. “She got pregnant and

married him. I think they are still married. I don’t really

know.”

He stood up and turned towards the window. I decided

not to ask any more questions. I began to return to my seat

when he stopped me with a few short words.

“You know, I’ve never told anyone about that before.”

A day went by and we did not have any more talks. I

didn’t ask the prisoner anything else, and he didn’t

volunteer anything. But I became obsessed with his story.

Not an unusual story, but a noble one. I had never heard of

a prisoner doing something courageous before. As a matter

of fact, it didn’t occur to me that they would.

The more I thought about it and the more I looked at

him sitting in his cell, the more I obsessed about it. I

began to bring him extra linens from the closet. I found a

mop for him to dry the floor.

A peculiar sense of morality overcame me. Not only did

I sympathize with this man, I sympathized with everyman I

had ever held prisoner. What right have I to hold anyone in

a cell and tell them to stay there. If he were not here in

this cell he may be off rescuing this girl, or some other

girl from peril. Or perhaps inspiring others with his

courage to stand up to a stronger brawnier man. He seemed

quite bright, and thoughtful. He could be a professor, a

doctor, a police officer, a politician, and here he was

confined in this cell, staring at the wall, his potential

as stale as the small portions of food he was occasionally

served.

This is when I forgot why I was holding this man

prisoner in the first place. I decided that I could not in

good conscience keep him there, confined in his cell.

Around sunrise that next morning I took the keys from

the wall where they were hanging, went to the padlock, and

unlocked the cell. The entire time the prisoner remained in

the back upper left corner of the cell watching me as I

anxiously disobeyed the duties of my post.

I returned to my seat, waiting for him to take his

leave. He sat motionless, still groggy from another

restless night. I caught his eye and nodded.

To my surprise he nodded back and then, most

strangely, continued to sit staring at the now unlocked

cell door.

I thought to myself ‘He’s tired. Perhaps he’s

regaining his strength before he leaves’. I decide to give

him some time.

But then hours passed, and then nearly a day. I

thought ‘Perhaps he doesn’t realize that I’ve unlocked the

door’. So I got up and approached the cell, the prisoners

sincere eyes now fixed on my motion. I pulled the door open

wide and motioned for him to exit. He continued to sit.

I could not understand ,for all my life, why he would

want to remain in this dank, smelly, miserable cell.

Didn’t he want to leave?

I left the door way and tried turning my back on the

cell for a short time. Maybe he would try to escape while

my back was turned. I looked back to see that he was still

sitting, this time staring at me. I looked into his eyes

and saw that he had no intention of going.

I returned to my seat and began to puzzle over the

reason for his inaction. I’d had men sit in this cell and

beg me for their freedom, threaten me for it, cry for it,

scream for it, attempt to prostitute themselves for it, but

here was a man whose freedom I had granted and he was

refusing it? It was almost beyond comprehension.

Was he waiting for something? For night cover perhaps,

or for a different guard? Yes perhaps that was it. Perhaps

he didn’t want me to take the fall for his escape. No, that

was ridiculous. Once he was gone he would never hear from

or see me again, of what concern would it be to him?

Maybe he thought that this was a trick. Yes, he thinks

that I’m testing his obedience, and that this will result

in better treatment.

Though I could never match his sincerity I made my

best attempt. My eyes met his and I calmly spoke, lowering

my voice, “This is not a trick.”

“I know,” he said.

I froze for a moment and then looked away.

The mystery loomed. I sat and paced and ate and drank

and never stopped thinking. ‘Why is he still here? Doesn’t

he have anything to live for? And even if he doesn’t, isn’t

death better than the hell he faces here. The slow rotting

of the body and the mind?’.

After sometime it was dark, I couldn’t tell for how

long. I looked at him sitting there wide awake. I on the

other hand was exhausted, emaciated. I hadn’t eaten in

sometime now, I couldn’t tell how long, I’d lost track of

days. I said, with the first hint of desperation in my

voice “Don’t you know I’ve unlocked the cell?”

“Yes,” he said.

“You can leave” I pleaded further.

“I know,” he said calmly.

Somehow those words struck me. There was no more

denying it. He was choosing to stay in this cell for

reasons I could not understand. And all at once, I did not

want him to go. Not because I was afraid of my job, or my

life, or the rules. I wanted him there with me.

I controlled my urge to run and shut the door, and

simply remained seated, somewhat glad that he was still

there. The content lasted only a short while, as I began to

further contemplate his actions. Did he also want to be

there with me? Impossible. Yet he would not leave, and this

line of thinking began to develop. I wanted him to stay and

he seemingly also wanted to stay. Did he love me? I knew

that I loved him.

This is when I began to wonder how long I had been

there, or when I had started to become completely

delusional. I started checking for a watch I didn’t have on

and trying to count the days by the bodily deterioration of

the dead rat lying adjacent to the cell. I saw my

reflection in the puddle. I was a wreck, a hideous mess.

How could anyone love me?

It was then that I began to wonder which side of the

cell I was on. Was I in fact HIS prisoner? Where was I? How

had I gotten there? How long had I been there? I started

anxiously pacing around the hall looking for the telltale

signs of a prison cell. The bars were there, the small

uncomfortable bed, the puddles, the tiny window. That was

it! I was in a prison, he was my guard!

“Let me out!” I screamed. I began frantically running

and crying and screaming, “Let me out!”. Ran up to the bars

and started shaking and thrashing, “Let me out!”.

Falling to my knees I curled up on the floor shaking

uncontrollably. When I looked up the first thing I saw were

those sincere eyes looking down at me.

“Why don’t you leave?” I meekly coughed out.

“Because I don’t want to,” he replied calmly.

It was me that they took away. They pulled me from the

ground and brought me to another prison, but a different

kind, where I WAS the prisoner. What happened to my

prisoner I’ll never know. I assume they locked his door

again. Maybe someone else unlocked it. I wonder if he left.





On the off chance someone did actually read that: please be gentle. It's a VERY VERY first and early draft that needed a home.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Update

I have two jobs up in Sudbury- The Cardinal Motor Inn and my job doing sampling at the LCBO. I have a further potential job, but I'll just keep my fingers crossed for that one. I PROBABLY have a place to live, I will know for sure on Saturday. That's about as much as I can update with any certainty.

I am putting that questionaire thingy back up in hopes that I won't look like a nerd this time around :p

Six things you wonder about me
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Five Things you like about me
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.


Four things you would do to me if we were alone
1.
2
3.
4.

Three of my best features
1.
2.
3.


Two words that describe me
1.
2.

One question for me (Ask away, I will answer honestly)
1.